Vacations with extended family

Just curious to see how many people go on a vacation with everyone (grandparents, aunt, uncle, cousins etc) and if so how often.

Growing up when we went on vacation it was usually my immediate family (mom, dad, sister) and sometimes my aunt and uncle.

Now that I have kids I would like to continue some what of the same vacationing..

The issue now is my inlaws want to be on every single vacation. We went to Disney last year and I made it so it was just us and now they are saying that the next time we go they HAVE to be there whether we I like it or not...Now its just not them its everyone (30 people)...We go every year on 1 trip with everyone so I feel that we are entitled to a trip of our own but others dont feel that way and they play the guilt game to the point I dont want to book anything anymore..

Just curious to see what others do.

Re: Vacations with extended family

I am guilty of being a people pleaser .....I don't want to make anyone unhappy so I just go along so no one else's feelings are hurt ........

You know what that usually means for ME? I miss out on things w/ my OWN kids b/c 'other people' take over ........I end up being uncomfortable / unhappy during events for MY children b/c 'other people' feel the need to push me out of the way - Or my kids are wrapped up in 'so and so' making a huge obnoxious deal about something and I get pushed to the side - or pushed into the kitchen to take care of everyone else ........and then I am the one missing out on the experience w/ my own kids !!

Especially if you already do a trip each year with extended family, IMO you can and should tell them to BACK OFF -
And it's also up to your DH help to manage his family's expectations. -

ETA - both DH and I work full time. I will be damned if I am spending my vacation time w/ ANYONE I don't want to !! It's one thing to have to give up a Sunday afteroon to deal w/ my inlaws .....but a whole vacation? No way !!

Message edited 4/16/2012 1:45:23 PM.

Re: Vacations with extended family

I would not enjoy every vacations being an extending family vacation, especially if it involved my inlaws. The main reason being that they are the "all or nothing" type where everyone would have to do everything together or else you'd be considered causing trouble or something if god forbid we wanted to do something on our own. So I'd honestly never vacation with them unless they were paying. (DH would totally agree here!).

My family on the otherhand, we are very indepdenat so vacationing together would actually be fun since I know it would allow DH and I to be able to do some things on our own while the kids stayed with my family. Plus, we wouldn't have to be tied at the hip the entire time...everyone would kinda do their own thing as much as we spent time together.

So, i think it totally depends on the dynamics of the group.

Edited to add, that you have every right to do what you want without worrying about who will be offended, etc. And if it means telling Inlaws that you are vacatinoing alone and they get pissed, well so be it..its their issue not yours!

Message edited 4/16/2012 1:47:24 PM.

Re: Vacations with extended family

Marissa its the same way for me..everyone takes over and if its like I am not even the mother. I have learned to open my mouth but to bit my lip before it gets bad. My DH and I both work full time and we have 3 weeks but 1 full week I think is enough with the family..mine or his. MY MIL is at my house 3 days a week and I see my parents a few times a week so when I am on vacation I want a break from it all..

Re: Vacations with extended family

both

We went to Hawaii with his family and his step father's sister and husband is who we stayed with (they are cool)

I dont care. I just make time to bond as well as time on our own. Life is short. I try not to be reject family connections for AJ. I missed them as I grew up military. I was always too far from family.

Re: Vacations with extended family

It's rare.

Growing up, we did a lot of extended family vacations. My mom is the youngest of 6 and my cousins and I all grew up together very closely, so it wasn't a big deal for us to all vacation together. We always had a good time.

Now, we'd go with my parents and my FIL and step-MIL but not with my MIL and BIL. We like being independent and my MIL and BIL don't afford that. My MIL tries to create these "family" scenarios in her head and DH isn't interested and doesn't want to be tied at the hip to her. She's very passive aggressive so we can only take her for a short time. Although we've gone on vacation with BIL, it's like having another child with us even though he's older than everyone. He too won't do anything unless we're all doing it together and will sit in his room waiting for us to make plans for everyone instead of enjoying his time wherever we are.

Extended family vacations can be fun but really with only a select group of people.

Re: Vacations with extended family

As a kid we only went immediate family, but we didnt vacation much.

DS1 is 4, he has been to VT, NH, PA 3X, Disney all with my ILs, BIL, SIL and their 3 kids. We all like vacationing together but I will say Disney was too much with 10 people, that I wont do again.We are also planning Mexico next year and possibly VA this year aswell

We have also been to Disney another tiem (ds's 1st time) with us and my ILs.

Alone we have only been to PA1x but we met my BIl's family there for 1 day at Hershey.

We just tend to include each other in our vacations because we like the same places and our kids love being together! So it works!

Re: Vacations with extended family

We are doing a long weekend in Block Island just the 3 of us in July, and in August we are going to Vermont for a week with my inlaws, SIL and her fiance. I'm not super thrilled about it but it is what it is. Little things like this I will allow, but as DS gets older and we do things like Disney, the caribbean, cruises, etc. then I would like that to be our immediate family only.

Re: Vacations with extended family

Disney Cruises are great for multi-generational groups. Lots to do together and separately, and no worries about people moving faster than others and/or tiring out.

If you do do Disney World with a big group, you really have to just pick a few things to do together, like special meals, fireworks, maybe a private fireworks cruise, and let the rest of the time be smaller groups

Re: Vacations with extended family

If u already do an extended family vaca, you're more than entitled to one on your own. I wanted a vaca with just us so bad this year, but so far we went with the in-laws to FL and in the summer we're going with all DH's siblings for a week somewhere. Its nice sometimes, but esp. if you feel the need for some private family time, try and get it! Good luck!

Re: Vacations with extended family

My vacations will be immediate family only, unless it's 3 days or less. Anymore than 3 days is too close for comfort for extended fam.

Re: Vacations with extended family

I would just tell your inlaws no.


My preference is that vacations are just me, dh, and anything that I grew in my uterus. No one else.