Upset

After finally deciding we were going to TTC and with me going off the pill and starting pre-natals and being all set to really give it the old college try this weekend (as I predict I'll O) DH isn't sure we should try anymore. He's worried about money and how we'll make it.

My feeling is, if we wait until we're out of debt we'll be well into our 30s and I don't want to wait that long.

I'm so upset and annoyed. Its like I got all of my hopes up and then he's like "nevermind". And I certainly don't want to have to convince him to TTC.

I'm just venting... I'm feeling a little crushed... hopefully he'll turn around.

Re: Upset

Maybe talking to him about saving some money, or giving up some things will make him feel alittle at ease with the idea.

The one thing I have learned is both of you have to be on the same page with everything. DH and I got into some arguments b/c I though we were gonna try and he didn't.

I am here if you need to talk

Re: Upset

When DH and I first started to TTC I got upset because I felt that DH really wasn't into it. I think he was just worried. He was looking to change jobs and was worried about the money too. After a couple of cycles I heard him talking to his friend on the phone saying he is TTC and he started to be more into it. I think it may take some men a little bit of time to get used to the idea. My DH admitted he was scared.

Try to talk to him. You definitely have to be on the same page for it to work.

Re: Upset

I think it's good for both of you to talk it out and to be on the same page, no matter what 'big' decision in life you're making
For something like this though..it's even more important.
I think that there is never a perfect time to become a parent - there's always going to be bills, or worries over a job, or any of the other things that life throws at you.
What you guys have to decide is if you're both mentally ready for your lives to change, and that you fully understand what having a DC will mean to you.
I know it's a scary proposition to consider for a lot of people, and it takes some longer than others to come to terms with it.
For me, i wasn't ready until we had been married for several years and i felt we had a chance to enjoy ourselves as a couple before moving onto the next phase in our marriage.

I think as long as you guys keep the communication going, and talk about what his fears are, maybe you can come to an agreement on it. It's very important for you to both be on the same page when it comes to this - you don't want any resentment on his part (or yours)

And don't knock being in your 30's.. it's not so bad!


good luck

Re: Upset

maybe you can sit down and talk about the things that you can change to save money i'm sure he's just nervous.

Re: Upset

Posted by Otherme

I think it's good for both of you to talk it out and to be on the same page, no matter what 'big' decision in life you're making
For something like this though..it's even more important.
I think that there is never a perfect time to become a parent - there's always going to be bills, or worries over a job, or any of the other things that life throws at you.
What you guys have to decide is if you're both mentally ready for your lives to change, and that you fully understand what having a DC will mean to you.
I know it's a scary proposition to consider for a lot of people, and it takes some longer than others to come to terms with it.
For me, i wasn't ready until we had been married for several years and i felt we had a chance to enjoy ourselves as a couple before moving onto the next phase in our marriage.

I think as long as you guys keep the communication going, and talk about what his fears are, maybe you can come to an agreement on it. It's very important for you to both be on the same page when it comes to this - you don't want any resentment on his part (or yours)

And don't knock being in your 30's.. it's not so bad!


good luck

Re: Upset

When I conceived my first DC, we were on top of the world financially (so to speak, of course ) by the time DC arrived, things were no where near the same, due to this economy. Life happens. You can not plan around certain things because there will never be a "perfect" time.

Re: Upset

Oh, I went through that also. I was preparing my body and getting my mindset on that we would be trying soon and then DH decided that we just were not financially ready. Ugh. I tried to explain to him that I don't think we'll ever feel "ready". There will always be SOMETHING to worry about, ya know? If we wait - we might end up waiting forever. But I was like you - - I was not about to 'force' or 'guilt' anything on him. I wanted us BOTH to want this! So I felt kind of lost, but I continued to do the prenatals and such anyhow.

Well, he ended up coming home one day after work (a month or two later) and just blurted out that he was ready. He said that he realized that a bunch of his friends have kids, and they're not rich either. If they can, then so can we. He realized that we'll get by just fine. The only thing we did want to make sure that we had beforehand was Health Insurance (obviously). Pregnancy is very expensive without it

So i do hope that your DH comes around soon. In the meantime, keep with those prenatals. Maybe he'll be like mine and just surprise you one day. And you'll want to be ready to start as soon as possible

Re: Upset

Thank you for all of the advice and kind words.

Turns out DH was just in a funk yesterday. When he came home from work he explained right away that he had a momentary panic attack about having a baby. He said once he calmed down he realized how badly he wanted to start a family and how money always has a way of working itself out.

I should've known better. DH always has a way of getting inside his head and freaking himself out. I love him to death but the man can be a basketcase

Re: Upset

Posted by ShhDontTell

Thank you for all of the advice and kind words.

Turns out DH was just in a funk yesterday. When he came home from work he explained right away that he had a momentary panic attack about having a baby. He said once he calmed down he realized how badly he wanted to start a family and how money always has a way of working itself out.

I should've known better. DH always has a way of getting inside his head and freaking himself out. I love him to death but the man can be a basketcase

Re: Upset

Posted by ShhDontTell

Thank you for all of the advice and kind words.

Turns out DH was just in a funk yesterday. When he came home from work he explained right away that he had a momentary panic attack about having a baby. He said once he calmed down he realized how badly he wanted to start a family and how money always has a way of working itself out.

I should've known better. DH always has a way of getting inside his head and freaking himself out. I love him to death but the man can be a basketcase