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"trouble" kid at DD's preK
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KartveliT
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Member since 1/08 8363 total posts
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"trouble" kid at DD's preK
Ever since DD started prek couple of weeks ago she has been coming home telling us that one little boy hit her, pushed her, pulled her hair, grabbed her skin, called her a "bad girl" or told her she is a boy not a girl bc she likes to play with boys....
I asked the teacher, she told me my DD told her the boy was bothering her, so they separated them (different desks) . That day DD told me the boy hit her.
This Monday she told me he pushed her, when I asked the teachers helper she said "yes, he is trouble, he is very fresh to everyone not just your DD and doesn't get along with any of the kids". She told me he bit another boy, and kicked a little girl...
So I told my DD if it happens again to tell the teacher or the helper. Tue she said the boy told her "you are a bad girl" (according to DD she told him she is not bad, she is smart, gorgeous, tall and doesn't like him  )
Today it happened again, I picked her up, and she told me the little boy hit her in the nose and the teacher put him in timeout....
I am getting really fed up with this and feel like something has to be done, tomorrow morning I am going to ask the teacher if they have spoken to the boy's parents and if not to do so, But what else can I do? What if it doesn't stop? What do schools do in cases like this?
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Posted 9/28/11 10:48 PM  |
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mommyIam
Member since 7/09 9209 total posts
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Shana
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Re: "trouble" kid at DD's preK
is it wrong to find out who these boys parents are and talk to them?
I don't know what good it would do, but if I where you I'd be furious
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| Posted 9/29/11 12:12 AM |
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Bops
My 3 wishes
Member since 12/07 13625 total posts
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Re: "trouble" kid at DD's preK
There seems to always be "one" of those (as a BTDT  )
We had a menace in DS's pre-k class one year and the teacher actually told us confidentially (all the parents) that in order to have any success removing the child from the program we would need to file complaints with the head office (She had already notified them that the children were being endangered by this child and that he needed a program that could eitrher provide him with a shadow or a smaller class) The kids actually were fearful of him and the parents threatened not to send their children back if he was not removed.
After the parents filed complaints the boys parents were asked to remove the child (this was after they were given multiple warnings of-course)
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| Posted 9/29/11 6:59 AM |
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KartveliT
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Member since 1/08 8363 total posts
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Re: "trouble" kid at DD's preK
Posted by mommyIam
is it wrong to find out who these boys parents are and talk to them?
I don't know what good it would do, but if I where you I'd be furious
believe me I have thought about it, but I have decided to have another talk with the teacher and then maybe I'll do just that.
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| Posted 9/29/11 7:24 AM |
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KartveliT
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Member since 1/08 8363 total posts
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Re: "trouble" kid at DD's preK
Posted by Bops
There seems to always be "one" of those (as a BTDT )
We had a menace in DS's pre-k class one year and the teacher actually told us confidentially (all the parents) that in order to have any success removing the child from the program we would need to file complaints with the head office (She had already notified them that the children were being endangered by this child and that he needed a program that could eitrher provide him with a shadow or a smaller class) The kids actually were fearful of him and the parents threatened not to send their children back if he was not removed.
After the parents filed complaints the boys parents were asked to remove the child (this was after they were given multiple warnings of-course)
I know, there really is, last year it was a little girl who used call kids names and make crazy faces at them to scare them. DD was terrified of her (as were few other kids) finally a principal spoke to the parents and everything was fine after that. But this time it's not just name calling, it's also hitting .... And seems to me "timeouts" really are not working, so something more needs to be done.
I feel like this is going to be a story every single year, there will always be *that* kid in the classroom.... 
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| Posted 9/29/11 7:28 AM |
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cjik
Welcome 2010!
Member since 2/06 8879 total posts
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Re: "trouble" kid at DD's preK
As the mother of "that" kid, no, it's not fair. And maybe this is not the right environment for him. You have every right to complain and expect that your daughter not be abused by other kids, but I don't think talking to the parents of this child will do any good, let the school deal with them. Either the child needs help and this school may be too much for him, or the parents don't know what to do. Some children do not respond at all to typical discipline methods for various reasons.
In our case, my son has high functioning autism, and after trying a number of options, he has been placed in an integrated PreK which seems to be a much better fit for him. The hitting we tried every trick in the book to address, but nothing stuck. It seems to be better, but not gone entirely. In his case, it's less aggressive and his way of playing with other kids, or his way of dealing with personal space issues. Doesn't make it right, but it's basically very immature play and doesn't make him a demon child. Anyway, the hitting, pushing, etc. Was the final straw that made us get him evaluated.
Talk to the teacher and the director if things don't improve, but I would skip the parents. It's better that they hear from someone who is not upset with their child and good chance they are even more upset about what is going on with their son than you are. Good luck!
Message edited 9/29/2011 4:09:24 PM.
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| Posted 9/29/11 11:37 AM |
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JP826
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Member since 9/06 10903 total posts
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Me!! All about ME!
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Re: "trouble" kid at DD's preK
Posted by cjik
As the mother of "that" kid, no, it's not fair. And maybe this is not the right environment for him. You have every right to complain and expect that your daughter not be abused by other kids, but I don't think talking to the parents of this child will do any good, let the school deal with them. Either the child needs help and this school may be too much for him, or the parents don't care or don't know what to do.
In our case, my son has high functioning autism, and after trying a number of options, he has been placed in an integrated PreK which seems to be a much better fit for him. The hitting we tried every trick in the book to address, but nothing stuck. It seems to be better, but not gone entirely. In his case, it's less aggressive and his way of playing with other kids, or his way of dealing with personal space issues. Doesn't make it right, but it's basically very immature play. Anyway, the hitting, pushing, etc. Was the final straw that made us get him evaluated.
Talk to the teacher and the director if things don't improve, but I would skip the parents. It's better that they hear from someone who is not upset with their child. Good luck!
I am also a parent of "that" kid. My ds has recently started a 3 year old program at his school & I have been notified by his teacher about my sons agressive behavior. DH & I are well aware of the situation and have been communicating with his teacher on a daily basis as to how to work on correcting the problem at home. It breaks my heart to pieces that my kid is labeled "the bad kid" or the "problem student" especially since we know for sure that the hitting & pushing that my son has been doing is just his way of dealing with personal space issues. One of the main reasons why I have him in a daycare center that has a sturctured academic curriculum is to give him the exposure to a classroom-style atmosphere & to prepare him for kindergarden.
Honestly, I would not want a parent complaining to me about my son. I am well aware of the issue, as Im sure the parent of the little boy is in your case.
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| Posted 9/29/11 12:56 PM |
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A3CM
Avatar Title
Member since 9/08 3762 total posts
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Mommy
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Re: "trouble" kid at DD's preK
Posted by JP826
Posted by cjik
As the mother of "that" kid, no, it's not fair. And maybe this is not the right environment for him. You have every right to complain and expect that your daughter not be abused by other kids, but I don't think talking to the parents of this child will do any good, let the school deal with them. Either the child needs help and this school may be too much for him, or the parents don't care or don't know what to do.
In our case, my son has high functioning autism, and after trying a number of options, he has been placed in an integrated PreK which seems to be a much better fit for him. The hitting we tried every trick in the book to address, but nothing stuck. It seems to be better, but not gone entirely. In his case, it's less aggressive and his way of playing with other kids, or his way of dealing with personal space issues. Doesn't make it right, but it's basically very immature play. Anyway, the hitting, pushing, etc. Was the final straw that made us get him evaluated.
Talk to the teacher and the director if things don't improve, but I would skip the parents. It's better that they hear from someone who is not upset with their child. Good luck!
I am also a parent of "that" kid. My ds has recently started a 3 year old program at his school & I have been notified by his teacher about my sons agressive behavior. DH & I are well aware of the situation and have been communicating with his teacher on a daily basis as to how to work on correcting the problem at home. It breaks my heart to pieces that my kid is labeled "the bad kid" or the "problem student" especially since we know for sure that the hitting & pushing that my son has been doing is just his way of dealing with personal space issues. One of the main reasons why I have him in a daycare center that has a sturctured academic curriculum is to give him the exposure to a classroom-style atmosphere & to prepare him for kindergarden.
Honestly, I would not want a parent complaining to me about my son. I am well aware of the issue, as Im sure the parent of the little boy is in your case.
i am also a parent of "that" kid. talk to the teacher some more. i can probably bet that his parents know and they are probably trying to do something about it. the teacher cannot tell you what actions right now if any are going on.. maybe he is being evaluated, or the school is setting up something...
maybe he has a diagnosis, and the teacher cannot by law tell you that. maybe the teacher is doing everything possible and now her hands are tied.
sometimes because a child appears to LOOK typical, doesnt mean they always are.
good luck
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| Posted 9/29/11 1:39 PM |
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Re: "trouble" kid at DD's preK
DD#1 was on the receiving end as well. The only way I knew anything was going on was that the teachers and director told me. DD was actually bitten twice (but no bite marks), she never said a word to me about it  ...
the school took care of it. it happens. i knew of the mother from drop offs and pickups, and would not have spoken to her at all as i was told by other moms she was "blaming" the school for not controlling her son. she was a little nutso and not really dealing with things rationally...
but the school did take care of it (they went above and beyond for them as far as i was concerned) and the boy didn't return the following year.
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| Posted 9/29/11 3:46 PM |
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Teachergal
We made a snowman!
Member since 1/08 3239 total posts
Name:
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Re: "trouble" kid at DD's preK
I would start by talking to the teacher again. If it continued, I would speak to a director to know what the plan was in order to protect your daughter. The child should be shadowed if he is being this aggressive. While the child may have a disability, it should not be infringing on your child's safety in school or ability to learn. I would not try to talk to the parents. This is occurring at the school, let the school professionals handle it. JMO.
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| Posted 9/29/11 7:53 PM |
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Re: "trouble" kid at DD's preK
Posted by AJandCJsMommy
Posted by JP826
Posted by cjik
As the mother of "that" kid, no, it's not fair. And maybe this is not the right environment for him. You have every right to complain and expect that your daughter not be abused by other kids, but I don't think talking to the parents of this child will do any good, let the school deal with them. Either the child needs help and this school may be too much for him, or the parents don't care or don't know what to do.
In our case, my son has high functioning autism, and after trying a number of options, he has been placed in an integrated PreK which seems to be a much better fit for him. The hitting we tried every trick in the book to address, but nothing stuck. It seems to be better, but not gone entirely. In his case, it's less aggressive and his way of playing with other kids, or his way of dealing with personal space issues. Doesn't make it right, but it's basically very immature play. Anyway, the hitting, pushing, etc. Was the final straw that made us get him evaluated.
Talk to the teacher and the director if things don't improve, but I would skip the parents. It's better that they hear from someone who is not upset with their child. Good luck!
I am also a parent of "that" kid. My ds has recently started a 3 year old program at his school & I have been notified by his teacher about my sons agressive behavior. DH & I are well aware of the situation and have been communicating with his teacher on a daily basis as to how to work on correcting the problem at home. It breaks my heart to pieces that my kid is labeled "the bad kid" or the "problem student" especially since we know for sure that the hitting & pushing that my son has been doing is just his way of dealing with personal space issues. One of the main reasons why I have him in a daycare center that has a sturctured academic curriculum is to give him the exposure to a classroom-style atmosphere & to prepare him for kindergarden.
Honestly, I would not want a parent complaining to me about my son. I am well aware of the issue, as Im sure the parent of the little boy is in your case.
i am also a parent of "that" kid. talk to the teacher some more. i can probably bet that his parents know and they are probably trying to do something about it. the teacher cannot tell you what actions right now if any are going on.. maybe he is being evaluated, or the school is setting up something...
maybe he has a diagnosis, and the teacher cannot by law tell you that. maybe the teacher is doing everything possible and now her hands are tied.
sometimes because a child appears to LOOK typical, doesnt mean they always are.
good luck
I'm the parent of that child too. I agree with everyone else... I'm sure the parents already know.
Hope things get better! 
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| Posted 9/29/11 8:36 PM |
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camkenny
LIF Infant
Member since 4/11 57 total posts
Name:
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Re: "trouble" kid at DD's preK
I would suggest telling the "office", "administrator" or whomever oversees the programs. If it's that bad they you may need to and you might find out that you are not the only parent to feel this way. It's unfortunate for everyone involved but some kids do eventually "come around" within a couple of months. But, if it's honestly dangerous and disruptive then you should say something, you are not paying for a program so your kid can be in a disruptive environment. Good luck.
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| Posted 9/29/11 9:26 PM |
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lynnd126
LIF Adult
Member since 3/11 2630 total posts
Name:
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Re: "trouble" kid at DD's preK
Posted by JP826
Posted by cjik
As the mother of "that" kid, no, it's not fair. And maybe this is not the right environment for him. You have every right to complain and expect that your daughter not be abused by other kids, but I don't think talking to the parents of this child will do any good, let the school deal with them. Either the child needs help and this school may be too much for him, or the parents don't care or don't know what to do.
In our case, my son has high functioning autism, and after trying a number of options, he has been placed in an integrated PreK which seems to be a much better fit for him. The hitting we tried every trick in the book to address, but nothing stuck. It seems to be better, but not gone entirely. In his case, it's less aggressive and his way of playing with other kids, or his way of dealing with personal space issues. Doesn't make it right, but it's basically very immature play. Anyway, the hitting, pushing, etc. Was the final straw that made us get him evaluated.
Talk to the teacher and the director if things don't improve, but I would skip the parents. It's better that they hear from someone who is not upset with their child. Good luck!
I am also a parent of "that" kid. My ds has recently started a 3 year old program at his school & I have been notified by his teacher about my sons agressive behavior. DH & I are well aware of the situation and have been communicating with his teacher on a daily basis as to how to work on correcting the problem at home. It breaks my heart to pieces that my kid is labeled "the bad kid" or the "problem student" especially since we know for sure that the hitting & pushing that my son has been doing is just his way of dealing with personal space issues. One of the main reasons why I have him in a daycare center that has a sturctured academic curriculum is to give him the exposure to a classroom-style atmosphere & to prepare him for kindergarden.
Honestly, I would not want a parent complaining to me about my son. I am well aware of the issue, as Im sure the parent of the little boy is in your case.
It stinks but also the OP shouldn't let her child be abused by this other child even though his situation may be an unfortunate medical type issue. I don't think that these children should be segregated their whole lives and never given a chance to learn how to interact with typical children but I think a line needs to be drawn when another child is getting teased relentlessly or physically hurt. Maybe this child should be in a special school or program at least until he learns the skills to not be harmful each day.
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| Posted 9/29/11 11:21 PM |
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maryb
LIF Adult
Member since 6/08 914 total posts
Name:
Mary
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Re: "trouble" kid at DD's preK
Im so sorry to hear about that happening.. Im a third grade teacher and I know your case is a lot younger than what I deal with, but the best thing to do is contact the teacher directly - call her before or during school hours or ask her to call you when you are free.
You can voice your concern (this is taking away from your daughter's educational experience) everyday she is speaking of the boy that is bothering her and not what she learned or who she played with - this situation is sticking out more than the good times.
I dont think you should contact the boy's parents - that might only turn ugly. They could get defensive. No one ever wants to hear their child is causing trouble.
If it continues even after you speak to the teacher - def contact the administrator of the facility. I understand it is pre-k but hitting and name calling is never allowed... and a time-out is obviously not fixing the job.
Really, the teacher needs to contact that boy's parents if she hasnt already. if they work together, they can come up with a positive plan to help the boy with his hitting and name calling.
Good luck!!!!
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| Posted 9/30/11 8:17 AM |
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