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Thought we could all use a chuckle....The Potty Story!
You may have seen this before but I just wanted to share as I am still laughing....
The Potty Story
A 3-year-old tells all from his mother's restroom stall. By Shannon Popkin
My little guy, Cade, is quite a talker. He loves to communicate and does
it quite well. He talks to people constantly, whether we're in the
library, the grocery store or at a drive-thru window. People often
comment on how clearly he speaks for a just-turned-3-year-old. And you
never have to ask him to turn up the volume. It's always fully cranked.
There've been several embarrassing times that I've wished the meaning of
his words would have been masked by a not-so-audible voice, but never
have I wished this more than last week at Costco. Halfway through our
shopping trip, nature called, so I took Cade with me into the restroom.
If you'd been one of the ladies in the restroom that evening, this is
what you would have heard coming from the second to the last stall:
"Mommy, are you gonna go potty? Oh! Why are you putting toiwet paper on
the potty, Mommy? Oh! You gonna sit down on da toiwet paper now? Mommy, what are you doing? Mommy, are you gonna go stinkies on the potty?"
At this point I started mentally counting how many women had been in the bathroom when I walked in. Several stalls were full ... 4? 5? Maybe we could wait until they all left before I had to make my debut out of this
stall and reveal my identity.
Cade continued, "Mommy, you ARE going stinkies aren't you? Oh, dats a
good girl, Mommy! Are you gonna get some candy for going stinkies on the
potty? Let me see doze stinkies, Mommy! Oh ... Mommy! I'm trying to see in dere.;Oh! I see dem. Dat is a very good girl, Mommy. You are gonna get some candy!"
I heard a few faint chuckles coming from the stalls on either side of
me.
Where is a screaming new born when you need one? Good grief. This was
really getting embarrassing. I was definitely waiting a long time before
exiting. Trying to divert him, I said, "Why don't you look in Mommy's
purse and see if you can find some candy. We'll both have some.
"No, I'm trying to see doze more stinkies. Oh! Mommy!" He started to gag at this point.
"Uh oh, Mommy. I fink I'm gonna frow up. Mommy, doze stinkies are making
me frow up!! Dat is so gross!!"
As the gags became louder, so did the chuckles outside my stall. I
quickly flushed the toilet in hopes of changing the subject. I began to
reason with myself: OK. there are four other toilets. If I count four
flushes, I can be reasonably assured that those who overheard this
embarrassing monologue will be lon g gone.
"Mommy! Would you get off the potty, now? I want you to be done doing
stinkies! Get up! Get up!" He grunted as he tried to pull me.
Now I could hear full-blown laughter. I bent down to count the feet
outside my door.
Oh, are you wooking under dere, Mommy? You wooking under da door? What were you wooking at, Mommy? You wooking at the wady's feet?"
More laughter.
I stood inside the locked door and tried to assess the situation.
"Mommy, it's time to wash our hands, now. We have to go out now, Mommy."
He started pounding on the door. "Mommy, don't you want to wash your hands? I want to go out!!"
I saw that my "wait 'em out" plan was unraveling. I sheepishly opened
the door and found standing outside my stall, twenty to thirty ladies
crowded around the stall, all smiling and starting to applaud.
My first thought was complete embarrassment, then I thought, "Where's the fine print on the 'motherhood contract' where I signed away every bit of my dignity and privacy?"
But as my little boy gave me a big, cheeky grin while he rubbed bubbly
soap between his chubby little hands, I thought, I'd sign it all away again, just to be known as Mommy to this little fellow.
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