Those with children with a large age gap...

Hi! I'm really new here, so forgive me if I make some mistakes along the way!

DH and I are considering trying for another baby. DD is going to be 7, so not sure if we are out of our minds! I was so sure we were only having one, but DH has said he really wants another, and the idea is kind of growing on me. I have a bunch of concerns, though!

I always figured if we had two, they'd be close in age. After the seriously traumatic pregnancy/delivery I had with DD, I decided I was never doing that again. Ever. So, obviously that's a lesson about never saying never. And obviously, the close in age thing isn't happening. Is a 7 year (or potentially more, depending on whether we have trouble conceiving or not) age gap a bad thing? I am reading such conflicting information about peoples experiences with this on the big, bad, scary web.

My daughter is very happy being an only. She's really great with babies, and loves them to bits. But seriously, if there could be a kid born to be an only, it's her. She's great at it, and really likes it. She will be devastated. I'm so afraid of ruining her world! Did your first born come around to the idea and how long did it take?

And finally, I am so happy being past the up all night stage. Am I nuts for even considering this again? LOL

Anyway, I was just hoping to get some experiences from anyone who has gone through this. Thank you for your time!

Re: Those with children with a large age gap...

My DH is 10-years older than his brother and they could not be closer. They always have been and always will be.

My dear friends have two kids and they are exactly 7 years apart. They prefered it and planned it that way. They didn't want two little ones at the same time. They also love the fact that they won't have two kids in college at the same time. What an expense that would have been!

EDIT....DH did NOT want another child in the house. He thought he was getting a puppy when his parents told him there was going to be an addition to the family!!! He warmed up to it real quick once my BIL was born.

Message edited 6/22/2011 10:54:10 AM.

Re: Those with children with a large age gap...

A family member recently had her second child - eight years after her first! She said she really wished she hadn't waited so long because she really did forget everything and it was starting all over, etc., but her older child loves the baby and everything is great.

My coworker recently had her 3rd child, 11 years after her youngest! The older kids LOVE the baby, help out a lot etc. She, too said it's a whole bunch of new stuff, she forgot everything, etc.

My SIL's 1st and 2nd children have a 6 year gap. Girl then a boy. They get along wonderfully.

Re: Those with children with a large age gap...

when she is older she will be so happy she is not an only. My BFF is an only and said she wouldn't wish it on anyone. Good Luk to you!

Re: Those with children with a large age gap...

My brother is 12 years older than me and my sister is 14 years older than me. We are best friends and are raising our children together! We hang out weekly!

Re: Those with children with a large age gap...

Thank you so much for all the responses. This is SUCH a big decision... have an appointment in mid July to have my iud removed, so I have until then to decide what we're doing, lol!

Thanks again to all who responded!

Re: Those with children with a large age gap...

I am 15 months older than my 1st sister, 11 years older than my 2nd sister, and almost 17 years older than my brother

My niece was 6 when my nephew was born.

I don't think 7 year or even 10 years is anything so strange those days.

People have children from previous relationships, get remarried and have other children. Others have older stepchildren.

There are no rules. If both you and your DH are on the same page and want another child, why not?

Message edited 6/22/2011 2:09:21 PM.

Re: Those with children with a large age gap...

My kids are 13 years apart and DS is a HUGE help! It was so easy when the baby was born, and I would be nursing for hours each day to know that he could shower and dress himself, eat w/out being hand fed, etc. My friend has 2 boys that are 7 years apart, and they are very close.

Re: Those with children with a large age gap...

My kids will be a minimum of 4 years apart. For us one of the pros is not having to pay day care for two kids at the same time or college for that matter. My sis and I are 4 years apart and are extremely close. My brothers are 11 years younger than me and we are really close too.

Also at that age your older one can help out and IMO it's easier to explain to your first about having a new baby and the attention a new baby needs. When you have two infants it's hard to explain to the first that this new baby is going to be eating up your time and sleep whereas a 7 year old can grasp that.

Also no diapers and formula at the same time. Big financial plus. Having a child that can be fairly independent is a great thing. My cousins are 8 years apart there was a lot of fighting when they were younger but now they are super close.

I think each scenario has its pros and cons.

Re: Those with children with a large age gap...

My girls are 7 1/2 yrs apart. I too had a very traumatic p/g and delivery with DD#1. I also had 4 m/c's. I always had major issues with her being an only child, it broke my heart even though she seemed happy. It has been pretty amazing since DD#2 came along. A little rough on me because I had so much freedom and starting over was a little overwhelming. I would never change it, not for a second. The good outweighs the bad by MILES AND MILES. My girls, somehow, are super close

Re: Those with children with a large age gap...

There is 8 years between my oldest and my middle and 1 year between middle and youngest. they are all great with each other and my oldest treats them like they are her own.