Starting to have anxiety...(LONG)

Ok, this post may make me sound like a nutcase but I am having really bad anxiety over this.

Let me start by saying my DD is 18 months old and I've left her with family overnight at least 7 times since she's been born. In the beginning it would bother me but it was always only one night and I knew she was in good hands. Now this is where the anxiety comes in. I am due to be induced with DD #2 next Friday, providing my cervix is soft I will go in Friday morning and start pitocin. If my cervix is not soft I will go in Thursday night to start cervidil. Anyway, my DH has been on my case about setting up a plan for who will watch DD when I am in the hospital and we finally did this. He is also on my case about packing my hospital bag and DD's bag. BUT, this is so hard for me. I am a control freak when it comes to DD and the fact that I don't know how many days she will be staying at my inlaws house is driving me crazy. She could be there Thursday night and Friday night (keep in mind I've never let anyone watch her for more than one night) or just Friday night...who knows. It kills me that she will be out of her routine that took me forever to establish. I keep putting off packing her bag because I know I have to pack a couple of outfits and I want to be the one that decides what she wears and when ( I warned you I may sound like a nutcase). I put together a couple of things yesterday and made DH watch as I told him what she was to wear and when so that he could tell his mother. I wanted to make sure that when my DH picks DD up Saturday morning to come see me at the hospital that she is wearing her big sister shirt and the jeans I put with it. Yes, my MIL is capable of this but sometimes she tends to think that DD is hers and does what she wants with her. For example we told my MIL that she goes to bed around 6:30 after she has a bottle. We told her to put the pack n play in DH's old room and put DD down awake, if she cries let her cry. It shouldn't last longer than 10 minutes. (She does not cry when we put her to bed but I don't know how she will be sleeping out of her crib). We only started CIO 3 months ago but since then she sleeps through the night but hasn't slept at someone elses house since then so who knows if she will go right down. I don't want them going in to get her right away if she cries because I don't want them to mess up what we've done to get her to finally sleep without holding or rocking her. Well, my MIL said she doesn't think she can just let her cry. Do you see where my anxiety comes in. Because I obviously can't be there I feel like whatever I tell my MIL to do as far as taking care of DD she will just do what she wants. Now before you say why don't I just have someone else watch her...I can't. MIL is the only one who works part time and is available. But, Saturday and Sunday my sister will watch DD (at my house). I am up all night worrying about being away from DD.

If you've gotten this far, thankyou. I know I'm crazy but it was a long and hard road to have DD so I'm aliitle protective.

Re: Starting to have anxiety...(LONG)

I completely understand how you feel I would be a mess over this as well. I just let my DD for two nights at my mom's when we had to be in NY for DH's job. I was a stress case. It was only the second time we left her overnight with someone other than DH or I. I totally relate about the outfits, routines, etc. My DD is a little older (21 months) but we also have a million routines set up to make sure she sleeps right and is on schedule. My sister is also awesome with her though and she flew up to basically take care of her with my mom so it makes it easier. I am praying that she come help when I have #2 as well.

I would just let it go for now- realize that you are going to worried and just let yourself worry a bit. Realize that she will be fine, that all routine will be out the window but that they quickly adjust once they are back on their own schedule.
Can't you inlaws stay at your place so her routines are a little more established? This may help you feel better.

Re: Starting to have anxiety...(LONG)

I dread leaving DD too! I could imagine that as it gets closer the feelings will be all consuming. Hang in there!

Would it be easier if your MIL came to your house for the time that she needs to watch DD? I know it will make life easier for me when the time comes.

Re: Starting to have anxiety...(LONG)

I would prefer that she came here to watch DD but she told us she is more comfortable watching her at her house.

Re: Starting to have anxiety...(LONG)

Posted by robcoll1002

I would prefer that she came here to watch DD but she told us she is more comfortable watching her at her house.

Message edited 10/27/2008 12:50:57 PM.

Re: Starting to have anxiety...(LONG)

Posted by Lucky

Posted by robcoll1002

I would prefer that she came here to watch DD but she told us she is more comfortable watching her at her house.

Ugh! In many respects, I know you should be grateful that she will be taking care of DD but come on. I wish she would think more about your DD's comfort in this situation. Sorry!

Re: Starting to have anxiety...(LONG)

Posted by robcoll1002

Posted by Lucky

Posted by robcoll1002

I would prefer that she came here to watch DD but she told us she is more comfortable watching her at her house.

Ugh! In many respects, I know you should be grateful that she will be taking care of DD but come on. I wish she would think more about your DD's comfort in this situation. Sorry!

I don't understand it either. I "think" she feels she has more control over DD if she's at her house..kwim. She loves to tell me how she gives her all different things to eat (yes, this also drives me crazy...she should not be experimenting with food when I'm not around) and how DD did this and that, hoping I will say "really, she's never done that for me". It's so annoying.

Re: Starting to have anxiety...(LONG)

At least others can see my anxiety. Thankyou! I actually cried yesterday when I was telling DH about DD's outfits and how it's hard for me to give up control.

Right now there is no one else that can watch her that Friday but believe me I'm not done wracking my brain to try and figure out another option.

Re: Starting to have anxiety...(LONG)

I'm sorry that you are having such anxiety, but in I'll be honest with you, I think you need to step back and look at the bigger picture; you can't possibly worry about every little thing.

Seriously does it really matter what and when she will wear an outfit, who cares, its clothes!

I don't mean to sound harsh but you need to just have some trust in the people you choose to watch your child in your absence. She will be fine, after all your MIL raised your Husband for many, many year and I assume you think he turned out fine, right? So your DD will be fine a few days without you.

ETA: maybe try posting this on the parenting board, Alot of us have had experiences leaving our DC for the first time, maybe they have a suggestion on how to make it easier.

Message edited 10/27/2008 1:33:14 PM.

Re: Starting to have anxiety...(LONG)

Re: Starting to have anxiety...(LONG)

I totally understand how you feel.

Re: Starting to have anxiety...(LONG)

I totally understand how you feel, but have to agree with one of the other posters....your DD will be fine. Even if things are not exactly as they should be for a day or 2. Try to relax and take it easy, you can't get yourself all worked up and stressed out right now.

Also, I find with DS when my parents, in-laws or BIL watch him, he knows the difference between them and mom and dad. For example, DS has been put down to sleep in his crib awake since 8 mos old (maybe earlier) but he knows his grandparents are suckers. So when any of them baby sit he makes them sit in the glider in his room until he falls asleep. It has never had any effect on how he goes down to sleep for us or how he sleeps through the night so I just leave it alone.

Lots of it will be ok.

Re: Starting to have anxiety...(LONG)

No one can tell you how to FEEL - So I would never tell you you're crazy or wrong to feel teh way you do .......

But for YOUR sake, I think you need to take a step back and relinquish SOME control over the situation because you really have no other choice - (other than making yourself sick over it - and that's not helping anyone !!) DD can't be in the hospital with you, and like it or not, you CAN NOT control this situation -

Ask your MIL to dress your DD in her big sister Tshirt to visit you in the hospital, but really ........does it MATTER what she's wearing otherwise - as long as it's seasonally appropriate? (ie: she's not dressing her in shorts when it's 20 below)
I think you're being a LITTLE overbearing -

Choose your battles (like her sleeping patterns and eating habits)THOSE are the things that will effect her, and you - but things like her clothes and where MIL watches her .....that's more of a control issue for YOU and really doesn't affect your DD. KWIM?

It's just a few days and she will be back home with you .........

Re: Starting to have anxiety...(LONG)

I'm having similar anxieties over here about leaving DS....My little guy is 3 and is in the process of major seperation anxiety....We too are trying to set up a plan for him, although he won't be sleeping over anyones home ( mainly because he's never done it before now and i'm not sure how he will even handle the stress of mommy spending 3 nights in the hospital- I'd rather him have daddy and his own bed to go home to to ease him a bit- he's 3 and understands too much !) ...Maybe pick your battles with the clothes-I totally hear the "Big Sister" shirt thing- so maybe just put a note with the clothes that DD is to wear that shirt to the hospital that day etc...And then its up to DH to make sure of it ....As for the rest, kids sometimes act differently when they are with others ( I know this 1st hand from working in the childcare field)- I bet she'll suprise you

Re: Starting to have anxiety...(LONG)

Just thought I'd add to this as well although I have spoke to you too..
I dont think sleeping out will affect her for you. I think that bringing home a new baby to add to her routine will be more of a setback than her not sleeping at 630 at your MIL's. What you dont know wont hurt you. You know me i'm like the least bit of a control freak...so maybe coming from me this is weird. Dont sweat the small stuff.. your gonna drive urself crazy! I know its easier said than done but let her go and enjoy the days with the new little one. The outfit thing.. put a post it on it in her bag. I would hope to god she would figure out that would be the outfit for the hospital. I think you should call her before you go in and explain what you want in case DH forgets.