| Posted By |
Message |
| Pages: 1 2 3 [4] |
Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
Name:
remember, when Gulliver traveled....
|
Re: Spinoff to expenses...
Posted by Paramount
Posted by Jugglemom
Posted by Ophelia
I don't jive with the whole idea of it being their last chance at freedom or whatever. I don't mind if he goes away to school but I am not paying for him to room and board and do whatever college kids do away from their parents with no responsibility other than grades for 4 years.
I am not paying for that.
I am not questioning your parental choices or anything as I believe there is no right or wrong way just different ideologies but I question such absolute statements that leave no room for variation.
For example, to the extent you re financially able to o so, of course, what if your son is away at a top school studying a more rigorous field such a Biology and Pre-med taking 5 classes and 4 labs as many bio majors have to do - you would not cut him any slack? And/or begrudge him some down time?
Also, if you did not go away to school - how can you knock it? I am not critical of those who stayed home.
Whats interesting is they will go to college. Hopefully.
As long as they study and don't tell you what they are doing with their down time, how CAN you have any say as to what THEIR whole college experience is?
Not saying your wrong. Just that you have zero control over what they would actually do. If they don't TELL you about all the frat parties, and dances, and mixers and fun, you'll never know that they are using college to have that last hurrah before adulthood, KWIM?
I never said I wouldn't let him go. I said I am not paying for it. meaning he will get the same amount of money from me whether he stays here or goes away. anything more he needs he will have to come up with himself.
i am struggling to figure out what either of you are getting at or want me to say.
I expect that he will do all of the above. but if he has time for that he ALSO has time for a job.
I want my kid to work. if you don't that is totally fine. I don't understand the issue with what I am saying but c'est lif.
ETA: i did not knock going away. I just said I am not paying for it. how did I knock it?
Message edited 8/7/2012 2:17:13 PM.
|
Posted 8/7/12 2:16 PM  |
| |
|
Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
Name:
remember, when Gulliver traveled....
|
Re: Spinoff to expenses...
Posted by Eireann
I'm not trying to speak for Ophelia, but I think I agree with what she's saying. Someone earlier in the thread said something along the lines of that children should take these years to be carefree, etc. I (and maybe Ophelia) do not believe that a 17yr old--especially one in college--is a child nor needs to be living a carefree existence.
Of course if my child is a pre-med student I would have different expectations. But still, AT THIS POINT, I would encourage her to get a job perhaps in a medical office...and you know what, pre-med or not, no one in my family is above flipping burgers although that wouldn't be the first choice here. Again though, as someone pointed out, we're not talking a 40 hr work week, we're talking 12 hours!
Also, you may have no control over parties etc (and, of course I'd like my DC doing fun college-type stuff as well) but if my kid's pulling a C average and goofing off, that kid WILL get a job or WILL come back home for school.
thanks. that pretty much is it for me.
|
| Posted 8/7/12 2:20 PM |
| |
|
Jugglemom
LIF Adolescent
Member since 3/12 809 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Spinoff to expenses...
Posted by Ophelia
Posted by Paramount
Posted by Jugglemom
Posted by Ophelia
I don't jive with the whole idea of it being their last chance at freedom or whatever. I don't mind if he goes away to school but I am not paying for him to room and board and do whatever college kids do away from their parents with no responsibility other than grades for 4 years.
I am not paying for that.
I am not questioning your parental choices or anything as I believe there is no right or wrong way just different ideologies but I question such absolute statements that leave no room for variation.
For example, to the extent you re financially able to o so, of course, what if your son is away at a top school studying a more rigorous field such a Biology and Pre-med taking 5 classes and 4 labs as many bio majors have to do - you would not cut him any slack? And/or begrudge him some down time?
Also, if you did not go away to school - how can you knock it? I am not critical of those who stayed home.
Whats interesting is they will go to college. Hopefully.
As long as they study and don't tell you what they are doing with their down time, how CAN you have any say as to what THEIR whole college experience is?
Not saying your wrong. Just that you have zero control over what they would actually do. If they don't TELL you about all the frat parties, and dances, and mixers and fun, you'll never know that they are using college to have that last hurrah before adulthood, KWIM?
I never said I wouldn't let him go. I said I am not paying for it. meaning he will get the same amount of money from me whether he stays here or goes away. anything more he needs he will have to come up with himself.
i am struggling to figure out what either of you are getting at or want me to say.
I expect that he will do all of the above. but if he has time for that he ALSO has time for a job.
I want my kid to work. if you don't that is totally fine. I don't understand the issue with what I am saying but c'est lif.
ETA: i did not knock going away. I just said I am not paying for it. how did I knock it?
I am not attacking you at all, I was just curious if your statement was an absolute one or if it was situationally based, I see know that it is an absolute statement. I was merely trying to understand others opinions on this.
The quotations around college experience seem mocking to me which perhaps it was not.
For me, I want my dc to attend the best school they can get into. That, for me, is a priority. If they are hard workers and good students I will assist them in working towards that goal because I do not believe all universities are created equal and I believe that what university you attend can have a huge impact on opening doors for you. For instance, I received many academic scholarships for college and grad school but ultimately ended up going to a better school that did not offer me a scholarship as they only offered need-based scholarships. For me, I felt that my career was better served by attending the school with the best reputation. Others may not feel that way and that is fine.
My opinion, is however, situationally based. If my children turn out to be less academically inclined, or not hard workers, or partiers etc. then obviously I will adjust my ideas and expect them to work.
Message edited 8/7/2012 2:56:36 PM.
|
| Posted 8/7/12 2:55 PM |
| |
|
Erica
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 11767 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Spinoff to expenses...
Different strokes....
I WANT my kids to have that "college experience." It totally shaped me. Not just the partying and Greek life, but aspects of life that I was exposed to because of going away that I wasn't if I had stayed home.
We've already planted the seed that they should go to CA to college (b/c we want to retire there, so they will be close by as adults). DS thinks college is about sleeping in tents, but that's OK...he's thinking about it.
|
| Posted 8/7/12 3:15 PM |
| |
|
Jugglemom
LIF Adolescent
Member since 3/12 809 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Spinoff to expenses...
Posted by Erica
Different strokes....
I WANT my kids to have that "college experience." It totally shaped me. Not just the partying and Greek life, but aspects of life that I was exposed to because of going away that I wasn't if I had stayed home.
We've already planted the seed that they should go to CA to college (b/c we want to retire there, so they will be close by as adults). DS thinks college is about sleeping in tents, but that's OK...he's thinking about it.
I agree, it was such an amazing experience for me that it is something I totally want for my children!
|
| Posted 8/7/12 3:20 PM |
| |
|
Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
Name:
remember, when Gulliver traveled....
|
Re: Spinoff to expenses...
"college experience" is not mocking! it's just a term used to incorporate many things so I quoted it lol.
my son can do whatever he wants or go whereever he wants but some of those places will require self propulsion, that's all.
|
| Posted 8/7/12 3:32 PM |
| |
|
computergirl
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 3118 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Spinoff to expenses...
Posted by Ophelia
my son can do whatever he wants or go whereever he wants but some of those places will require self propulsion, that's all.
I feel the same way. We will offer X amount of financial support for college If they want a more expensive "college experience" than what we are offering, then they will have to take on the responsibility for the difference themselves.
We are paying to help our children earn degrees that will get careers going. We are not paying for them to fuk around for 4 years and "find themselves".
|
| Posted 8/7/12 4:27 PM |
| |
|
computergirl
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 3118 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Spinoff to expenses...
To answer the original question- - yes, we plan to encourage our children to have part-time jobs. They are fortunate enough that they won't "have" to work, but if they expressed the desire to buy certain things, we would totally encourage them to work for it.
Honestly, the lessons DH and I learned by working during high school and college have proven more valuable than any actual degrees we've earned:
- lessons in managing time
- lessons in managing money you've earned
- lessons in being a good employee
Working at these menial teenage jobs also instills kind of a hunger in you. Someone in this thread commented that working in a supermarket was no fun. I did that for a while too, and it's true-- it was no fun. And it also made me all the more ambitious to succeed in college and launch a career so that I could have a much cushier job than working in a supermarket!
|
| Posted 8/7/12 4:32 PM |
| |
|
Paramount
Sweet!
Member since 7/12 4289 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Spinoff to expenses...
Posted by Ophelia
I never said I wouldn't let him go. I said I am not paying for it. meaning he will get the same amount of money from me whether he stays here or goes away. anything more he needs he will have to come up with himself.
i am struggling to figure out what either of you are getting at or want me to say.
I expect that he will do all of the above. but if he has time for that he ALSO has time for a job.
I want my kid to work. if you don't that is totally fine. I don't understand the issue with what I am saying but c'est lif.
ETA: i did not knock going away. I just said I am not paying for it. how did I knock it?
We are saying two different things actually
I didn't realize you meant you would not pay for college (as you just clarified). I wrote my comment as if you WERE paying for college.
So if you did pay for college, he goes away. He does what he WANTS, but SAYS "Mom, I'm studding hard and never go out". Then you would be paying for him to have his time to "play" even thought you said (previously) that you would not fund that lifestyle.
My point was, if you paid for him to go away how would you keep tabs on him and make sure he is not doing what you don't want.
So, we said 2 different things. That's why there is a misunderstanding.
|
| Posted 8/7/12 4:37 PM |
| |
|
Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
Name:
remember, when Gulliver traveled....
|
Re: Spinoff to expenses...
Posted by Paramount
Posted by Ophelia
I never said I wouldn't let him go. I said I am not paying for it. meaning he will get the same amount of money from me whether he stays here or goes away. anything more he needs he will have to come up with himself.
i am struggling to figure out what either of you are getting at or want me to say.
I expect that he will do all of the above. but if he has time for that he ALSO has time for a job.
I want my kid to work. if you don't that is totally fine. I don't understand the issue with what I am saying but c'est lif.
ETA: i did not knock going away. I just said I am not paying for it. how did I knock it?
We are saying two different things actually
I didn't realize you meant you would not pay for college (as you just clarified). I wrote my comment as if you WERE paying for college.
So if you did pay for college, he goes away. He does what he WANTS, but SAYS "Mom, I'm studding hard and never go out". Then you would be paying for him to have his time to "play" even thought you said (previously) that you would not fund that lifestyle.
My point was, if you paid for him to go away how would you keep tabs on him and make sure he is not doing what you don't want.
So, we said 2 different things. That's why there is a misunderstanding.
it's not that I don't want him to do it, it's that I am not going to pay for it.
you play, you pay. I did. and I PLAYED MUCHO  
|
| Posted 8/7/12 5:12 PM |
| |
|
maymama
my little loves
Member since 8/08 18453 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Spinoff to expenses...
I started working at 15 though I was babysitting regularly for 3 families before that.
i played sports year round so work revolved around that and school work. I managed it all.
i have no problems with my kids working as long as they are managing school work #1 and whatever school activities they choose.
|
| Posted 8/7/12 5:24 PM |
| |
|
maymama
my little loves
Member since 8/08 18453 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Spinoff to expenses...
also, the more they have on their plates (within reason) will help them to manage time. less time, less procrastination. it will help them to strive for more.
if I achieve, I want to achieve more. I set highter goals.
to me, just going to school (HS) and doing nothing else is not acceptable. they need to experience things before they go off to college.
|
| Posted 8/7/12 5:27 PM |
| |
|
maybesoon
LIF Adult
Member since 9/09 5981 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Spinoff to expenses...
Posted by Ophelia
Posted by Paramount
Posted by Jugglemom
Posted by Ophelia
I don't jive with the whole idea of it being their last chance at freedom or whatever. I don't mind if he goes away to school but I am not paying for him to room and board and do whatever college kids do away from their parents with no responsibility other than grades for 4 years.
I am not paying for that.
I am not questioning your parental choices or anything as I believe there is no right or wrong way just different ideologies but I question such absolute statements that leave no room for variation.
For example, to the extent you re financially able to o so, of course, what if your son is away at a top school studying a more rigorous field such a Biology and Pre-med taking 5 classes and 4 labs as many bio majors have to do - you would not cut him any slack? And/or begrudge him some down time?
Also, if you did not go away to school - how can you knock it? I am not critical of those who stayed home.
Whats interesting is they will go to college. Hopefully.
As long as they study and don't tell you what they are doing with their down time, how CAN you have any say as to what THEIR whole college experience is?
Not saying your wrong. Just that you have zero control over what they would actually do. If they don't TELL you about all the frat parties, and dances, and mixers and fun, you'll never know that they are using college to have that last hurrah before adulthood, KWIM?
I never said I wouldn't let him go. I said I am not paying for it. meaning he will get the same amount of money from me whether he stays here or goes away. anything more he needs he will have to come up with himself.
i am struggling to figure out what either of you are getting at or want me to say.
I expect that he will do all of the above. but if he has time for that he ALSO has time for a job.
I want my kid to work. if you don't that is totally fine. I don't understand the issue with what I am saying but c'est lif.
ETA: i did not knock going away. I just said I am not paying for it. how did I knock it?
This is what my parents did. I took out loans to pay room and board, parents paid tuition and books. I had to work as well, not much time to play with 2 jobs, but I still had fun.
Now if my kids get into Harvard or Yale, I will pay pay pay I think work sets them up for realistic expectations in the future.
|
| Posted 8/7/12 5:44 PM |
| |
|
DiamondGirl
You are my I love you
Member since 7/09 18802 total posts
Name:
DiamondMama
|
Re: Spinoff to expenses...
I am not opposed to my son working at all. I think it is a hard question to answer now bc I do not know what other activities he will be involved in.
For me, I was not an athlete so I worked, not a lot on school days mostly weekends and in the summer since I was like 14 (camp, mothers helper etc. as young teen).
I did not HAVE to work. My parents wanted me to work for the responsibility and the value of knowing what it meant to earn a dollar. I always liked working, I enjoyed earning my money and being able to do with it what I wanted (which was buy lots of makeup and get long acrylic nails ).
In college I only worked summers. I always maintained a very good GPA and as long as I did that and worked on school breaks (one job I was able to do that) and summers my parents were content with that.
If my son is on sports teams that preclude him from working I am okay with because I feel that through his participation in sports he will be learning valuable lessons akin to those you learn in the work field. If he is home everyday after school moping around or hanging with his friends, he will be getting a job.
Working during College, again depends on the circumstance.
Message edited 8/7/2012 8:55:21 PM.
|
| Posted 8/7/12 8:55 PM |
| |
|
|
|
Re: Spinoff to expenses...
I would personally prefer that my DD intern in a field she may want to pursue in college whether it be paid or unpaid, but I will insist that she not loaf around like a princess and expect mommy and daddy to be her meal ticket. I think work builds character. I worked after school from the time I was 15, participated in activities, hung out with friends, and carried a full AP/honors courseload.
I expect my children to pick a sport or activity and either work, intern, or volunteer. I want them well-rounded and ambitious.
|
| Posted 8/7/12 10:20 PM |
| |
|
| Pages: 1 2 3 [4] |
