Sorry, LONG vent about DH--need to get this off my chest!!

So I have come to be the primary care giver to our DS, who will be 4wks on Tues. I don't mind, but at the same time I need a break! I need more than 4 hrs of sleep at a time! I need to get a pedicure! I need to go buy cat litter! Etc, etc.

No matter how many ways I try to communicate this to DH, he says he gets it, but I still end up being the one home 24/7 with our DS. DH works nights (5:30pm- 2am) and has a part time job during the day. He is doing that 5 days/week now as it's a new job and he's still learning the ropes. He promises it'll only be Thu-Sun at the most after he can be on his own.

I think what's really upsetting me is the stress it's putting on our relationship. I snapped at him a few times today, for no good reason. I am also upset b/c I feed DS 5 out of 6 feedings. DH does the 2am one when he gets home from work. Well today, he did the 2 (which was more like 3:30 b/c DS was sleeping) and DH went to bed. DH woke at 8:45 to go to his new job, but was back by 11am. DH proceeded to clean out his truck and then go by a block party near our house that had a bunch of hooked-up and oldie cars. He was there until 4, came home, showered and we all (have family visiting) went to dinner. DH said "I'll fo the 2am and 6am feedings, but I'm going to bed as soon as we get home"

HELLO!?!?! Meanwhile I have been up since 5:30am with DS. I went to be at 11:30-but had trouble falling asleep. When DH got home @ 1:45am he woke me and talked my ear off and I still had trouble falling back asleep.

I should be sleeping now, but I am so frustrated I can't sleep!!! I am too nice and don't want to bother DH, but at the same time...WHAT ABOUT ME!?!?!

Thank you for letting me vent!

Re: Sorry, LONG vent about DH--need to get this off my chest!!

Hey i know how u feel. Totally it is so hard it is nice to be like when then come home and give them to them but they don't want to do they say they are tired or had a long day.

Dh feeds DD like 3 time and changes maybe once.

It is so hard
I hope it gets better

Re: Sorry, LONG vent about DH--need to get this off my chest!!

Your DH has 2 jobs so that you can stay home with the baby or he just decided to get a second job?
I can see where he could be stressed working 2 jobs and those kind of hours too. Dont you sleep when your son sleeps? When he sleeps cant you do what you want? You can go out and buy litter if you wanted to with DS. as far as the pedicures go, is there a time when your DH is home and you just go? or could you coordinate it that they are both napping and you go?
Its not an easy situation, you are home all day and wanna get out and have 'you' time and Im sure your DH works hard and wants "his" time too- him going to see muscle cars. He does need his rest to work all those hours as do you too. but I know at least for me, when DD slept I would either sleep or do whatever I needed to get done.
Do you have family members or a neighbor you trust to go for a quick mani and pedi? good luck, your DS is only 4 weeks old you will figure out a system.

Re: Sorry, LONG vent about DH--need to get this off my chest!!

I know this feeling ALL too well.
In the beginning, trying to convey to JT that I needed help was like trying to flag down help from a deserted island. He worked a lot and I was home ALLLLLLLLLLLL freaking day, stuck with the baby. A baby that cried all day, too.
It was really, really hard at first because, well, it's just really, really hard at first.
From what I read, it seems that your dh knows he needs to help you, but is going about it his own way, which probably isn't much help. I know you don't want to hear this, but just hang in there a few more weeks. You'll eventually start to get a routine going, and DH's schedule for work will level out, adn hopefully he'll be able to help more. In the meantime, do you have family you can call upon to help you? Friends? Anyone who can come give you even an hour to run to the store or take a nap or shower, it will help. Hell, if you're close by, let me know and I'll come help you!
There's nothing I can say that will make this time easier, just know that things will level off and you will adjust and dh will adjust and a routine will set in. Until then, keep reminding DH to help, accept that you will snap at him and he will snap at you (it's hard not to when sleep deprived!), and hang in there

Re: Sorry, LONG vent about DH--need to get this off my chest!!

Thank you! It's nice knowing I'm not the only one!

Another thing that makes it "difficult" is before I had DS, DH would say (typical male comment) "I don't understand why women get depressed after they have a baby. You carried this baby for 9 mos and it's finally here, you should be happy" Mind you it was said in the nicest way considering the words, but still!! I try so hard to keep my sanity, for DS, but I swear I am being tested!

Re: Sorry, LONG vent about DH--need to get this off my chest!!

Re: Sorry, LONG vent about DH--need to get this off my chest!!

Thank you girls so much! It's hard b/c my family (except for my brother) all live out of state. DH's family is here, I am sure if I called up them they'd help, but it's not easy--that's another story in itself!!

He chose to take the 2nd job b/c he is afraid we won't make it financially. I know this is a common fear for new dads (I have seen it w/ friends)

Re: Sorry, LONG vent about DH--need to get this off my chest!!

Re: Sorry, LONG vent about DH--need to get this off my chest!!

I know its hard- My DH is really helpful in his own way but I breastfeed so he doesn't get up in the middle of the night, doesn't understand why I am so tired and cranky, why I have no desire AT ALL for sex, etc.

All I can say is that we ARE the primary care givers no matter how much things have changed. We are the mommy's. Its just the way it is. It does get easier believe me. And I have NO family here to help and no breaks so I do understand.