Somewhat sudden separation anxiety at 4

Has anyone else dealt with this? DD has always been a shy kid and a little clingy in new situations, but in the past, she has done fine with school, camp, dance and other separation activities. Once she warms up, she is a really funny, chatty kid. But it seems like since she turned four, we have had a resurgence of separation anxiety and I fear it's getting worse, not better. She's suddenly upset at school drop off (though I'm told she is totally fine minutes after I leave). At birthday parties, she wants me within a couple of feet of her the whole time. If I try to join the other parents, her eyes well up with tears. And today at dance class, she had a total meltdown because she missed me and we ended up leaving a half hour early. She says she never wants to go back because she misses me. I'm outside in the lobby. I even offered to come in her class and watch for the day. She usually loves dance and her teacher said she seemed happy the first half hour today.
She doesn't like to talk with strangers, which is fine. She can be standoff-ish with extended family members and family friends and even kids, until she warms up. But lately, the warm up process seems to be taking longer and longer. DH jokes that we should get to parties 2 hours early, so she can be warmed up when it actually starts. Nothing has changed in her life--unless it's a very delayed reaction to my DD2, who is now 14 mos.

People are telling me that it's just a phase. Or, she is trying to get a little extra attention. But I'm getting worried that we're getting into social anxiety territory. I feel like she's not letting herself have fun or letting people see her real personality. She is SO funny and bright, but she shuts down sometimes. I know other kids can be shy, but it always feels like she is the only one acting like this when we are at parties, events, or classes.

Any thoughts or advice?

Message edited 2/24/2015 2:46:02 PM.

Re: Somewhat sudden separation anxiety at 4

Your experience fits mine to a T!

It started at about 4 and thought maybe it was a delayed reaction to DS. I think for us though it's the separation with school that really brought it out.

DD is 5.5 now. She is getting much better. We actually went to a Bday party last week and she was able to have fun right away! It was a huge relief. I'm not sure if it's because we talk about the situation before it arises and come up with a plan or if she's out growing it.

I would try giving her some extra attention. It definitely has helped with us.

I also had picked up Rescue Remedy at Wild by Nature. I think we used it once or twice..It helped but I really think she's definitely doing much better.

GL!!

Re: Somewhat sudden separation anxiety at 4

It could be a phase. I also blame weather. DS1 gets clingy sometimes. He's 5 now and not that long ago he was having some separation anxiety. Not during the day, but at night giving DH a hard time.
When it's warmer out we're very active. DS played soccer and then T-ball in the Fall. I went out a couple of times a month and DH would put him to bed no issues. DH also took him to tball and other activities.

He had the flu over winter break and was with me sooo much. I was with him a lot at night too bc of the fever and he was uncomfortable. With activities done and lots of time with me he was getting clingy. Plus a lot of school work too so had a lot on his mind. Was going through a bad phase sleeping and wanted me in his room. He gave DH a hard time one night when I was out with friends and wound up coming in my room he was hysterical.
Finally I had to change some routine and have him do more activities even though it was so cold out. DH took him out a lot on the weekends doing projects at Home Depot, errands and to IPlay America. I made some playdates with his friends too. That helped a lot. DH started putting him to bed and we did rewards. He's doing sooo much better now.
Hopefully it's a phase for you. I cannot wait for Spring so we can be out more. Fresh air and outside activities will help sooo much!. LOL

Message edited 2/25/2015 7:49:02 AM.

Re: Somewhat sudden separation anxiety at 4

Thanks for the comments. Hopefully it's a phase for us, too. Today at drop off she was a little clingy, but didn't cry. When I picked her up she was a total mess. The pickup car line was moving really slow today and I guess she got nervous that I wasn't coming. In the classroom, she was fine and it sounds like she had a great day. I just wish I could help her feel less anxious.

What is Rescue Remedy--an herbal supplement?

Message edited 2/25/2015 1:34:57 PM.

Re: Somewhat sudden separation anxiety at 4