so many ups and downs (long)

I'm only on cycle one and I'm quickly learning that TTC is not the fun I thought it would be.

I was so excited to stop the pill after being on it nearly a decade, so excited to get ewcm cd10-14 my first month off the pill and even more excited when AF was late... but of course BFN! Then I was soo excited when I had spotting on CD34 because I thought it meant AF wouldn't be thaaat late (or that it could possibly be implantation spotting) but AF never came and BFN yesterday. More spotting today (cd41) and was excited thinking maybe AF would finally show... but nope, nothing.

I'm starting to get really depressed that I'm not ovulating, that AF may never come on her own, and that we may have a long road ahead of us TTC... I was so naive before joining LIF and grew up sooo scared about getting pregnant accidentally that we always doubled up on BC (bcp and condoms for a long time, then bcp and pull-and-pray, and only "risked" bcp alone once we were married).

We've been married a while and together a really really long time, and while I wouldn't have wanted to start TTC earlier I do wish I had gone off the pill a long time ago to give my cycles time to regulate. Going through this while wanting to TTC is really frustrating

Plus, a HS classmate of mine just announced the gender of her baby on facebook sooooo excitedly and I'm happy for her but I also can't wait to be in her shoes.

to everyone TTC

Re: so many ups and downs (long)

i totally understand your frustrations, but don't get too down just yet. It's very common to have a longer cycle the first cycle off the bcp. it doesnt necessarily mean you will have any issues. It may just take a cycle or two to regulate.

good luck!!

Re: so many ups and downs (long)

I understand how you feel. It's so hard when you get your hopes up for something and you realize you just have no control over the outcome. And you're right... when we were younger we always worried baout getting pg.. if we only knew it really wasn't that easy..

I absolutely love the girls on this board, but I've had to distance myself a little bit because although I've gotten an education.. Im also the type of person who worries about everything. So in reading some of the struggles, I tend to worry that it could happen to me too and I think it causes uneccessary stress/anxiety. That's just me.
Sometimes, Im better off not knowing the possibilities, and just relaxing and having fun with it. I gave myself a time frame, and if it doesnt happen by then, I'll consider other options/testing. Just try to remember that the average couple under 30 with no fertility issues only has a 25% chance in any given month.

I hope that helps... I totally understand how you feel though.

Re: so many ups and downs (long)

First off....

Second...I know how frustrating this is...7 months and one mc later I have my days when I want to quit...having PCOS has made this ttc journey way harder than I ever thought

This is ur first cycle trying..please don't go by this one..esp since u just came off bc...its can take time for ur cycles to come back to normal ...I know whenever u get a bfn it hurts..but ur body is def adjusting to being offf the pill...I know its hard but try not to look too much into this cycle and see how next one goes

Best of luck!!!

Re: so many ups and downs (long)

ok its wayyyyy to early to be depressed over this!!
if its only your first cycle off the pill you absolutely need to give yourself time to adjust. after 10 years of regulating your cycle with meds you cant expect everything to go back to normal in 30 days.

that being said if you had abnormal cycles before you probably will again now.

i didnt have abnormal cycles before my 12 years on BCP. after going off i didnt get AF for about 90 days. i got provera and moved on. next cycle was 42 days. thought it was starting to regulate. next cycle was 60+ days. THAT (along with wayyy too many + OPKs) was when i knew there was a problem. i was dx with PCOS not long after.

anyway im just saying that its too early to be that upset. you need to give it time. im sure your ob/gyn will not even do anything for you until youve given it more time. the hardest part of all TTC and especially infertility (which hopefully you wont have to deal with) is all of the waiting. the entire process is waiting. unfortunately the sooner you can deal with the waiting, the better off you will be!!

good luck!!

Re: so many ups and downs (long)

Re: so many ups and downs (long)

I know how it is: when you decide you want a baby, you want a baby NOW. Because when you're ready, you're ready. Even though you know the odds are against it happening the first month you try, you think, maybe...

Remember that on average, it takes a while to conceive. I copied this from another site:

If you are in your late 20s and early 30's and are having sex without birth control two to three times a week:

60 percent will conceive in six months
75 percent will conceive in nine months
80 percent will conceive in twelve months
90 percent will conceive in eighteen months

------

You're just in your first month! It's hard to wait, we all know it is, but you'll get there. Good luck!

Re: so many ups and downs (long)

thanks everyone. I was irregular before the pill so I expect to be irregular again. The thing is, I'm OK with not getting a BFP right away but not getting AF at all is really frustrating. I feel like I'm sitting on the sidelines watching everyone else play the game I want to play, if that makes sense. Hopefully AF will come eventually and I can at least feel like I get to "try."

I feel like it would be easier to wait if I knew AF would come eventually but you are right, I need to be more patient and get used to the waiting...



Edit: I am going to try to start temping next cycle so hopefully even if my cycles are wildly irregular I can hopefully try to figure out if I am Oing, and feel less out of control. Is it possible to O even if you have irregular cycles?

Message edited 11/29/2010 10:34:05 PM.

Re: so many ups and downs (long)

Aww hun you are not alone! I am only on my 3rd cycle but I definitely felt a bit deflated after our first BFN. I know it will happen for me eventually though so that is what I hold on to. It may take some people 1 month or make take others several but IT WILL HAPPEN for us!

Also if you are eager to get the ball rolling I would get an OPK kit or temp like you said. I didnt do this in the beginning...was dead against it but now that I started I really like it! I didnt want this to be super orchestrated you know but it sorta has to be. We played around for about 4 months without being orchestrated and then started getting strict these last 3 months and I think it will pay off!

Re: so many ups and downs (long)

After waiting 62 days and no AF my first cycle off the pill, I was definitely feeling like you are right now. But, then I had to take a step back and realize that in the grande scheme of things, I was only in the beginning of TTC. Yes, I was very upset that I needed medication to jump start my body into getting a period and was kicking myself for naively thinking my body would regulate itself when I knew I was never regular to begin with.

After taking countless OPKs, I finally got a smiley on day 31 of this, my second post-BCP cycle.

At this point, all you have to do is give it time. It's not easy, but don't give up hope this early in the game!

Re: so many ups and downs (long)