Separation anxiety or does he hate daycare?

Ds has been going to daycare since he was 3 months old. He is 14 months now.

Ever since 8 or 9 months he started with "separation anxiety". He would cry as soon as I would get up to leave. But after a few minutes he would stop. I know because a lot of times I'd wait in the lobby. Then fine all day.

He switched to a new room 3 weeks ago. I can't even walk in the door before he gets completely inconsolable. It is just getting worse and worse. Another thing too now is that the woman who is there in the morning really feels so bad about it. She spoke to the main teacher today about it and how she doesn't know why he won't take to her. I mean, I can almost see why he wouldn't. She's a nice enough person but maybe not as warm or fun as maybe he might want. But not even sure if that makes a difference. I may act like this regardless. So now I also feel bad that on top of him flipping out every morning and me having to leave him like that, she now also feels really bad about herself. So now I feel double guilty!

I cry every morning leaving him like that. My stomach is in knots all day. I know he stops eventually. But why in the first place? Why has it lasted so long? Will this stop? Do you think he is trying to tell me that he is scared or he doesn't like it? I can't seem to grow immune to it. It just upsets me so much. And I feel terribly guilty!

Message edited 9/23/2008 8:25:15 PM.

Re: Sepration anxiety or does he hate daycare?

Its probably just separation anxiety. DD went through something very similar. She loved daycare, started going at 5 months, never had any problems, etc. Then she was home wtih us for two months over the summer and had really bad SA for a few weeks until she got comfortable being away from us again.

Your son is just getting older and understands more... its going to take some time, but he'll come around

Re: Separation anxiety or does he hate daycare?

Aw Lisa.... you know I am not as far into the whole daycare experience as you are so who knows, I may be coming to you with the same questions a few months from now.

All I can do at the moment is offer you some and let you know that I am here if you need to vent, cry, scream or whatever!!!

Re: Separation anxiety or does he hate daycare?

I'm a SAHM, but there is a center I drop DS off at for babysitting periodically. Have been doing it since he was 5 or 6 months. He was fine initially, but right at 8-9 months he started crying, crying, crying the minute we arrived. The people there seem nice, and I can't say I see them doing anything wrong with him. He also stops after a couple minutes.

It does sound like separation anxiety to me. DS probably realizes now that you are still around somewhere when you aren't with him, and he wants you back. Can you ask if he can be with one of the care providers he is already familiar with for some fo the day? I don't know if it's possible, but he may just feel more comfortable with the same person.
It's terrible, I know, and very hard to leave them.

Re: Separation anxiety or does he hate daycare?

Thanks Amanda

CJIK, unfortunately all of the people he is familiar with are in the infant room. This only seems to be an issue in the morning at dropoff and otherwise he is fine and happy during the day. There are two other woman, 1 of which is the main teacher, who lead his class. They just aren't there when I drop him off at 7:30. They come in at 8 and 9. His teacher told me today that they are going to make it a point that he and the morning teacher spend some one on one time together so that he starts to form some type of bond with her. Hopefully that will work.

One other thing on my mind is that his lead teacher made a comment to me just yesterday that he isn't as vocal during the day as he is when Dh or I get there to pick him up. And of course that sounds natural because of course he is happy when we get there but that was never a problem for him. They always told me how much he talks and in fact talks over everyone else and doesn't shut up! Today she actually told me that she wished she didn't say anything to me because he was a blabbermouth all day.

I don't know, so many confusing pieces, i'm psychoanalyzing everything (probably because I feel so bad about it) but it probably is just separation anxiety. I guess if he was crying all day long that would be bad but he's not.

Thanks for the advice and for listening!!!

Re: Separation anxiety or does he hate daycare?

Do you have the same routine every morning for him so he knows daycare is coming and has some predictability to it?

I know that helps Logan.

On the days (like many of the ones recently) where he is dropped off later or earlier or by someone else, he seems to have more trouble separating.

Re: Separation anxiety or does he hate daycare?

Posted by leighla

Do you have the same routine every morning for him so he knows daycare is coming and has some predictability to it?

I know that helps Logan.

On the days (like many of the ones recently) where he is dropped off later or earlier or by someone else, he seems to have more trouble separating.

Re: Separation anxiety or does he hate daycare?

I have no experience with this at all - but just wanted to give you hugs! You have nothing to feel guilty about! Hopefully he will bond with this morning teacher. I say as long as he's not crying all day it's ok!

Re: Separation anxiety or does he hate daycare?

DS went through a similar thing at that age. I even waited for 90 minutes once and he cried non-stop I almost died. They told me it would be almost an entire day holding him or he'd go ballistic. I even took him home at first b/c it was so out of character for him. Well thank god a sharp-minded teacher figured out it was the fire alarm. We did some adjustments and extra time desensitizing him until he got over it and now he's back to his happy self.

Maybe something in the new room is not right or he's afraid?

Re: Separation anxiety or does he hate daycare?

I don't have too much advice but I'm going through something similar with Sophie in her school. She only goes twice a week and usually has no problem seperating from me, but when we pull into the parking lot she gets upset. And by the time we get to her classroom, she is clinging on to me for dear life. And you've seen her - she is usually off and running not even looking back at me!

It's probably a phase with the combination of a new room and new teachers. I think that if he's not crying throughout the day, then he will adjust. At least that's what I'm told. {{hugs}} because I KNOW how hard it is!!!!