Selfishness

So i am being selfish lately and it bothers me. Normally i am not a selfish kind of person but i know i am acting that way right now and i can't help it....

If you dont' mind sharing when or what causes you to be selfish?

And how do you stop yourself?

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I will start...

Dh and i are currently TTC. My mom just bought a condo in Fla and plans to be a snowbird (going down there from Dec-april). AND she is looking to retire this june so she will start this probably next year.

I am depressed over this because i want her here. I feel that i am going to need her when i am PG and when (if i am blessed) a baby arrives...

I know i am being selfish thinking this way. Wanting her here for me. But i can't help myself

Re: Selfishness

Jenn!! It's hard to really answer your question, because it's kind of vague - but I think most of us are selfish to a point - and I don't necessarily think it's selfishness, unless someone is truly out of control. It's looking out for yourself, which is important, because we all have to advocate for ourselves!

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jenn you are not selfish! why do you think you are selfish? fm me if you want! sometimes i know i can be selfish at times because it depends on my mood i can get that way with dh! for ex: he wanted some of my rolo bites last night and i was like No you bought them for me you already ate yours there are at times i dont want to share with him because he eats everything up on me! so i get selfish and i want it for myself!but i know i shouldn't care because i am on a diet!

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Posted by mrswask

Jenn!! It's hard to really answer your question, because it's kind of vague - but I think most of us are selfish to a point - and I don't necessarily think it's selfishness, unless someone is truly out of control. It's looking out for yourself, which is important, because we all have to advocate for ourselves!

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i guess i was just looking to hear in general, since we know we all can be selfish at one point or another, how you stop yourself?

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It's hard to identify sometimes exactly sends me into selfish mode. I guess that's why one realizes it when your partner tells you or after the fact.

I think it happens when I feel taken for granted. I start realizing that I'm being taken for granted so then I feel I have to 'protect' myself and I guess that can turn into selfishness.

I think it also happens when you feel entitled to something, however justified it might be; it kinda becomes all about you and that's not good.

Unfortunately, in order to stop, I have to acknowledge it first and that doesn't often happen without someone telling me I'm being selfish. Once I realize it though, I make an effort show how appreciative I am of other people and try to focus on that for awhile.

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No I dont think thats selfish that you want your mom here jenn instead of florida we went through that with my mom and dad but it worked out in our favor because my dad got a job and it put their plans on hold for a while but we were in the same situation and my sister and I acted the same way with our parents!

Re: Selfishness

Good Topic ! I actually go to see a therapist for anxiety and you know what - she has been telling me that I do have to be a little selfish - because that is my problem - I try to please everyone and never say no and it is making me crazy, so I think it is OK to be a little selfish.

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Jenn - you know I'm guilty of the same thing!! I feel badly for myself that my mom is in Florida and everyone I know has help with their babies and I truly dont know how I would manage it...
My selfishness comes from wanting to go down there - even though Jamie doesn't want to!! LOL!

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You're not being selfish Jen, it's normal to want your mom there with you espcecially during such an important time of your life. It's something that will take time for you to get used to, but it will happen. I would let my mom know what I'm feeling because if it made me act angry towards her I wouldn't want her getting other ideas as to why I'm acting that way. Hope you feel better soon!

Re: Selfishness

Posted by Redhead

I will start...

Dh and i are currently TTC. My mom just bought a condo in Fla and plans to be a snowbird (going down there from Dec-april). AND she is looking to retire this june so she will start this probably next year.

I am depressed over this because i want her here. I feel that i am going to need her when i am PG and when (if i am blessed) a baby arrives...

I know i am being selfish thinking this way. Wanting her here for me. But i can't help myself

Re: Selfishness

I totally understand what you are saying... my parents live in Rochester so I dont get to see them very often and sometimes I get upset when Greg goes to see his parents and spends time with them... I just get jealous that he is able to be with them and I cant be with mine...

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Jen,
At least you have a mom. my DH and I have have no moms, both died when we were younger. When my husband and i start TTC, we have no one by our sides, except my dad. You are blessed that you have a mom, you can look at it that way also. I would feel the same way if my mom was still here and she was moving away. You have to think that what your mom is doing is making her happy, maybe you won't feel selfish anymore.

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Jen -- Does your mom know you and DH are TTC? If she doesn't, she may not be factoring that in. She might want to stick around a bit longer if she knew.....

If she does know, then consider that when the time comes, she will surely be there for you when you need her most.

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Message edited 11/30/2005 9:37:00 AM.

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I don't think you are selfish at all. You want your mom by your side to help you through the next exciting years of your life because you love her!!!

I understand where she is coming from - when my parents talk about moving to NC I get so annoyed but I guess they all have to do what they want --- stubborn parents!!!

Message edited 11/30/2005 9:35:37 AM.

Re: Selfishness

Posted by BabyAvocado
Ahh...okay, this is a little different type of selfishness than I was thinking so my other post doesn't really apply.

Boy can I empathize with this. The only way I've found to deal with this is to try and look at what is good about it. She'll be happier being where she loves to be and you will have her the other 6 months of the year. Some people don't have their moms around at all, and some (like me) only have them around a few days out of the whole year.

My mom was only able to stay 2 days when I had Jake and I was very sad about that. But at the same time, I was kind of happy that me and DH had to do it all on our own...we developed a very close bond within our little family.

But in a way, this type of 'selfishness' never really goes away. Believe me, there are times I still wish my Mom would drop everything in Florida and move back to NY so she could spend more time with her grandson.

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I dont think that you are selfish at all wanting you mom here. Dont you think that no matter where she is living once you have a baby she will stay here for as long as you want and always be a phone call away for advice once she leaves.

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Thank you ladies....i appreciate all your comments

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Wanting your mom to be there for you isn't selfish. Pressuring her or guilting her into staying or making her feel bad for leaving is.

Its natural for you to want your mom there during this time. I'm pregnant and although I don't really need my mom around now, I definitely will I get closer to giving birth and when the baby is born. (I'm 20 weeks).

If you have the baby in the fall/winter, your mom will be there for the first 6 months. You can try to plan around that. ALthough plans don't always work- I wanted to give birth in the summer when my mom was done with school- but we got pregnant on our first try (which we weren't expecting but were very excited), so we'll have to manage.

Since your mom isn't moving to Florida all year round, I think it can totally work out. Plus she can come and stay here whenever she wants if she keeps a house here.

Re: Selfishness

Posted by Redhead

I will start...

Dh and i are currently TTC. My mom just bought a condo in Fla and plans to be a snowbird (going down there from Dec-april). AND she is looking to retire this june so she will start this probably next year.

I am depressed over this because i want her here. I feel that i am going to need her when i am PG and when (if i am blessed) a baby arrives...

I know i am being selfish thinking this way. Wanting her here for me. But i can't help myself

Re: Selfishness

Posted by Redhead

Posted by karacg

Jen -- Does your mom know you and DH are TTC? If she doesn't, she may not be factoring that in. She might want to stick around a bit longer if she knew.....

If she does know, then consider that when the time comes, she will surely be there for you when you need her most.

Yes...she does. But i dont' think she knows how much i rely on her and want her here. I usually carry myself off as an independent person but i know in this area i will crumble like a ton of rocks...

So i don't know how much she fully understand how i feel...And i feel to guilty to tell her

Re: Selfishness

Mama- Your not being selfish. I understand you want your mom to be here when you eventually give birth. You never know she might come up here for the birth, and stay awhile to help you out. Just remember that your mom is going to be in your baby's life regardless if she's here in New York or Florida. Even though my mom is in heaven. I know she watches over Connor James from up above. It will all work out for the best.