quick vent... need advice too..

So... there are people who think that my DD is THEIR'S and that they can do whatever they want to her... and I need to know how to deal with it!!!

Without giving too many details... DH and I are baptizing DD Greek orthodox since I am (he is catholic)... Well.. IL's took out their holy water this weekend, and made a cross on her head, and said something in spanish that I didn't understand.... without asking me first!!! I would have totally said yes to blessing her, I have no problem with that.. but I have a sneaky suspicion that they baptized her when they did it.. (dont think i am crazy.. my dad was baptized out of the church because they didnt think he was going to make it, and he has told me that catholics can baptize babies on their own.. doesnt have to be in the church...)

So... regardless... it really isnt a big deal because really.. I even would have said yes to that.. what is the big deal is that to me... it signals a lack of respect for me as the mother... no one asks if its okay to do things.... and thats what gets me the most... It's not the first time one of them did something without asking (like taking her out of her carseat while she is sleeping.. and waking her up, or rubbing this smelly stuff on her head without asking...) .. and DD is not even a month old yet!!!

How do I approach this without making DH upset or his family upset? Just curious if anyone has advice... I don't know how long I can sit around without saying something, and knowing me.. it won't be said in a nice way...

Re: quick vent... need advice too..

Honestly I would not care who gets upset. DH, the IL's.... whatever!

It was WRONG!

Why would anyone think it's OK to baptize a child WITHOUT YOUR permission?

Re: quick vent... need advice too..

Re: quick vent... need advice too..

I have no idea because honestly I am so laid back with stuff like this, it wouldn't bother me.

Your DC will be doubly blessed

Re: quick vent... need advice too..

Posted by 5ofClubs

I have no idea because honestly I am so laid back with stuff like this, it wouldn't bother me.

Your DC will be doubly blessed

Re: quick vent... need advice too..

I *think* what I would say to them is what you have said here . . . you are upset that they took it upon themselves to "bless" the baby without asking first. Let them know that you would have wanted to understand what was said in Spanish, and participate in some way, and that you were hurt that they didn't ask permission, and just took it upon themselves to do whatever. Explain that you don't object to the blessing, only to be overlooked, ignored, and cast aside as if you weren't her mother.

Re: quick vent... need advice too..

I am Catholic.....Spanish Catholic at that and a lay person can't baptize a baby....It won't be recognized in the church. If a baby was near death and a lay person were to "baptize" the baby and the baby died then I think it can be officially recognized.

It sounds like they probably sprinkled a little holy water on her and probably said a little blessing.....

Honestly it wouldn't bother me if anyone from and religion blessed my child as long as it was meant to be a positive experience and wasn't some form of satanic religion....

But then again I am really open minded to the whole religion thing.

I am sorry if it upset you in any way....It was most likely meant to be a simple sweet gesture and not trying to convert your child to a different faith or try adn step on your beliefs.

Re: quick vent... need advice too..

I dont know how to suggest a nice way...all I can say is I would make it very clear to my DH that anything that has to do with my child must be run and okd by me first. I would not care who got ****** off, you have to start if off the way you want otherwise it's hard going back.

Re: quick vent... need advice too..

My mom has a friend who was freaking out that her granddaughter wasn't being baptised......the friend took the baby to church and had her baptised to what I think was without the mom's permission.....
I told my mother I would have killed her if she did anything like that.

Being that it's your DH's family, I would try have DH handle it by having them informed that you BOTH are uncomfortable with their disregard for you as parents, and if you ask for something to be done/not done, then they need to respect that.

If DH won't have this discussion, then I would approach them directly in a calm manner.....as calm as possible!!!!

Re: quick vent... need advice too..

Posted by curliegirl

My mom has a friend who was freaking out that her granddaughter wasn't being baptised......the friend took the baby to church and had her baptised to what I think was without the mom's permission.....
I told my mother I would have killed her if she did anything like that.

Re: quick vent... need advice too..

The situation you are describing is def kind of annoying and unacceptable if you ask me.
I am also Orthodox Christian and my DH is Catholic.
DD was baptized Orthodox.
I have told DH if my MIL(who is very religious) or any other family member of his would like to take DD to a Catholic church once or twice I wouldn't mind , but I would mind if they did so without asking for my permission first(even just once) or if they took/asked to take her on regular bases.
I want to tell you to ignore it and move on, but if I were in your situation I wouldn't be able to do so,lol. If you decide to bring it up I would let DH talk to his parents about the whole thing and explain everything , very nicely and politely.

Message edited 5/5/2009 1:41:19 PM.

Re: quick vent... need advice too..

i would totally flip my SH** and honestly wouldnt care about who was upset. U know why..b/c if they're doing this now at 1month..you have a very long road ahead.

set the ground rules now.

Re: quick vent... need advice too..

Re: quick vent... need advice too..

I am Greek Orthodox and do not worry - your child is NOT baptized. No way. A lay person cannot perform a Holy Sacrament. But the fact that they do that stuff without talking to you, explaining what is being done, etc is nuts. I would be so angry as well.

Re: quick vent... need advice too..

Posted by wannabemom

Posted by curliegirl

My mom has a friend who was freaking out that her granddaughter wasn't being baptised......the friend took the baby to church and had her baptised to what I think was without the mom's permission.....
I told my mother I would have killed her if she did anything like that.

I can't speak about other christian faiths, but you can't do that in Catholicism. The PARENTS have to present the baby to the church. As part of the actual ceremony, the parents are asked by the priest if they came here according to their own free will and wish for their DC to enter the Catholic faith. And like the OP said, a lay person cannot baptize a baby under normal circumstances in Catholicism.

It sounds like they merely blessed the baby. Would have been nice if they asked you beforehand, but personally, I wouldn't be too upset. If only they understood how close the Orthodox and Catholic faiths really are in tradition, they would likely feel comforted...

Re: quick vent... need advice too..

Posted by staceyd

Posted by 5ofClubs

I have no idea because honestly I am so laid back with stuff like this, it wouldn't bother me.

Your DC will be doubly blessed

Im not upset about that.. im just upset at the fact that no one asks me or DH if its okay to do things, they just do!!! I will have to bring it up next time or its going to just keep happening and Im going to loose it i think.....

Re: quick vent... need advice too..

Posted by 5ofClubs

Posted by staceyd

Posted by 5ofClubs

I have no idea because honestly I am so laid back with stuff like this, it wouldn't bother me.

Your DC will be doubly blessed

Im not upset about that.. im just upset at the fact that no one asks me or DH if its okay to do things, they just do!!! I will have to bring it up next time or its going to just keep happening and Im going to loose it i think.....

Still wouldn't bother me. I rather keep the peace in the family then cause trouble so I am very laid back like that. Esp if no one is being harmed.

But I can see that you are def mad so I would say something right away and not wait. Let DH handle it. They might take it easier