question to those with crazy long commutes/ crazy long work days

how do you make it work????

since the first week of july, SO and i have a crazy long commute to work. it feels as though all we ever do is:

* wake up at 5am
* clean up and pack lunches
* drive FOREVER
* work (my job is stressful and SO's is physically demanding)
* drive FOREVER on the way back
* rush to get dinner together
* clean/organize
* get things ready for the following work day
* go to sleep

REPEAT

i feel like i'm constantly playing catch-up.
how do you make it work?
what tips/tricks do you have to save time and/or enjoy life on week days?

if we keep up this pace, i have a feeling that something serious is going to have to give.

question to those with crazy long commutes/ crazy long work days

In my instance someting had to give. Once I had dd I found another job which allowed me to work from home. Dd is in daycare but at least I get to see her. We also got a cleaning person as there isn't enough hours in the day and we were spending all weekend cleaning instead of enjoying family time.

I commuter 3 hours round trip for 10 years before dd didn't bother me, after dd it was too much.

Re: question to those with crazy long commutes/ crazy long work days

We plan dinners in advance and make sure that's not a stressful part of the day. It's already decided so no thinking required.

We also had to switch from daycare to a nanny b/c the longer hours commuting to the city from LI weren't working. It's less stressful not having to get the kid(s) out of the house in the AM.

And DH is now looking for a job on LI so at least one of us isn't commuting into the city. So we adjust!

Hang in there.

Re: question to those with crazy long commutes/ crazy long work days

question to those with crazy long commutes/ crazy long work days

It is stressful. I find crockpot dinners help.

question to those with crazy long commutes/ crazy long work days

I cook on Sunday for the week. With a little one, it is the only way. also, very little gets done during the week. We get home, feed ds, feed ourselves, put ds to bed, shower and we go to bed.

question to those with crazy long commutes/ crazy long work days

I moved away from NY....

But, when we had to do it, we did a lot of advanced prep; Lots of crock pot meals, where we'd freeze 1/2 so we'd always have a home cooked meal on hand. I brought my bfast/lunch items in a shopping bag with me to work every Monday so that I never had to prep bfast/lunch when I was home, I just went into my fridge and made what I wanted (I did have a fridge in my actual office, not a shared fridge, which was pretty huge). Clothes laid out the night before for the entire family.

As a PP said, I didn't mind it so much before we had DD, but once she entered our lives, I hated commuting almost 4 hrs a day (and DH was commuting, with our infant DD at the time, about 1.5 hrs a day). If we stayed on LI, I was going to look for a job out of NYC, but luckily, we got the hell out!

Re: question to those with crazy long commutes/ crazy long work days

It's is hard when it is both of you. I am gone about 11-13 hours a day (60-75 minute commute), but my husband is closer & is only gone about 9-9.5 hours, so he does the grocery shopping, laundry & dinner prep before I get home.

We still feel overwhelmed. Somethings slip through the cracks. Unfortunately, right now it is cleaning the apt, improving the apt, & seeing friends. I have sacrificed some cleaning for more exercising, but I am only really consistent with working out on Saturdays. I do have time that I am home, but I am too exhausted to focus on the things I need to do.

Cooking for a week on Sunday sounds exhausting. Between cooking & cleaning, I felt like we were in
the kitchen all day yesterday & we just made breakfast, dinner & one snack for the week.

I am trying to simply household things as much as possible, but it takes a lot of effort to make the initial changes.

question to those with crazy long commutes/ crazy long work days

This is pre-kid, but what worked for us is that we did not plan anything during the week. If we wanted to hang with friends, we did it during the week. It was too stressful to plan anything else during the week with our work as I worked late and sometimes he did as well. We always had big lunches at work so for dinner it was just sandwiches or soup or something very simple. We make an effort to make our weekends as best as possible. Whether it was snuggled in bed all weekend or going out and doing something fun, the weekends were for us. And I also hired a cleaning lady.

question to those with crazy long commutes/ crazy long work days

Definitely our lives and throw school into the mix for me at night for my BCBA.. It's tough. What we do is on Sunday we prep for the entire week all we will be taking to work as well as meals. I do crockpot meals A LOT! I also make some sort of large casserole so we have left overs. I clean on Saturday mornings as well. I have adjusted my work schedule to try and avoid some traffic. I work 3 days a week 7-3. One of those days I have class. Another one of those days I work late supervising students. Then 2 days a week I work 10:30-6:30 again to try and avoid some traffic. Those days I try and sleep in a bit in the mornings and I clean up a bit. DH gets home about 1-2 hours before me so he will start dinner if it wasn't prepped or gets everything ready. He will also clean up a bit if need be. Right now we are in the process of moving so we are living in pure chaos. No children yet however once we do have kids we will make our work schedule and other schedules work and thank the good lord I only have 2 classes left and I'm DONE! Also try a cleaning schedule bigger things are done on the weekend. I try and keep as tidy as possible but scrubbing the bathroom and kitchen that I do on the weekend. I usually vacuum 2x a week and once on the weekend. It's difficult but not too bad once there is a routine!
Oh and I don't do my laundry i utilize a service pick up and drop off 2x a month wash dried and folded/ hung and it saves me time! Plus I HATE doing laundry!

Message edited 8/31/2015 9:25:36 PM.

question to those with crazy long commutes/ crazy long work days

If I didn't have kids in school already I would move closer to work. That is my advice. If you can move ,move closer. If you are planning on having children, make sure you are closer to your job. I am not, and I regret it every single day.

Re: question to those with crazy long commutes/ crazy long work days

My good friend has a very long commute from CT to Manhattan. She has an afternoon housekeeper/nanny.

She has one child in daycare and one child in elementary school. She drops off kids at daycare and before care and then drives to the train station. She has a 1 hour train commute and then has to transfer on the subway.

The nanny picks up children from daycare and elementary school, brings them home and feeds kids dinner. One or both parents get home for dinner about half the time but often would be too late for early dinner time for kids.

Re: question to those with crazy long commutes/ crazy long work days

when I moved to PA I kept my job in NYC for almost 3 yrs. I commuted via NJ transit out of trenton into Penn station. I had my son in 09 and with daycare thrown in I was clocking 2 hrs each way every day.

Something had to give and I did..I gave up my job in NYC for a local part time gig.

Every day was like groundhog day. come home, eat dinner, get stuff ready for the next day, sleep, wake repeat.

I really have no advice b/c I had to find another job.

currently I work in NJ and drive 30-40 min each way. I still feel like its catch up and leaving shit for the weekends b/c im too tired to do much else when I get home.