Question for working or BTDT moms?

Do you make plans for after work? I use to go to dinner with friends or grab a drink with co-workers and that is pretty much over now. I have the guilt of not seeing DD all day long that when my day ends i run home to be with her because I want to see her and play with her, otherwise I won't see her for the entire day. Does that guilt ever change or will it just always be there with the next child. I don't feel like I see any of my friends anymore...

ADDED
How do you maintain your friendships? Especially those who do not have kids? I think I am putting too much pressure on myself trying to keep everyone.

Message edited 3/31/2010 11:27:01 AM.

Re: Question for working or BTDT moms?

I very rarely go out at all, my priorities have shifted

if I was to go out, it would be on a saturday night after the kids go to bed, I have ZERO energy to go to dinner or for drinks after work

Re: Question for working or BTDT moms?

Posted by pinkandblue

I very rarely go out at all, my priorities have shifted

if I was to go out, it would be on a saturday night after the kids go to bed, I have ZERO energy to go to dinner or for drinks after work

Re: Question for working or BTDT moms?

DS will be 2 in a month. I rarely go out with my friends after work anymore. Like you said, I feel way too guilty about missing out on spending time with DS.

I maybe go out 1x every 2-3 months, and it's usually for a birthday or something, not just a "hey, let's hang out spontaneously!"

Re: Question for working or BTDT moms?

Posted by pinkandblue

I very rarely go out at all, my priorities have shifted

if I was to go out, it would be on a saturday night after the kids go to bed, I have ZERO energy to go to dinner or for drinks after work

Re: Question for working or BTDT moms?

I went out once since DS was born. The whole time I thought about him. I cut the night early. Ever since, I keep saying I'm busy. I really want to spend my time with him, since I don't get to see him during the day.

Re: Question for working or BTDT moms?

Occasionally I go to a work happy hour-usually when my boss is in town about 1-2x per quarter. I try to get home before bedtime to tuck the kids in though. I also take my staff our once in a while, same thing though-I want to be home before bed time.

These are more along the lines of work obligations-I prefer to be at home in the evening and very rarely get together with friends during the week unless the kids are with me.

Re: Question for working or BTDT moms?

Usually I go home, have dinner, do the bedtime thing & go meet up with friends when they're in bed.

Otherwise, my ideal night has a few chapters of a bed time story, the bedtime snuggle & some time to myself when they're asleep.

Re: Question for working or BTDT moms?

I don't do anything after work. I have to pick DS from DC by 6:30 so that severly limits what I can do. Once my boss was leaving the company and they were throwing a party for her after work, well I had to do a ton of planning as DH had to leave work early to pick up DS, but I did get to go.

Re: Question for working or BTDT moms?

I don't go out alone very often because I want to be with DD and because I do not want to take advantage of my mother, who watches her while I work everyday from 7-3-3:30. But my friends are so down to earth and awesome that I bring DD along most of the time. The dynamic of my outings have changed, but I still go out and about with DD.

Re: Question for working or BTDT moms?

The ladies in my dept try to go out at least once a month for dinner. I try to go with them. I need that one night out and DH takes his one night out too. But, I make sure I'm home in time to kiss the babies goodnight.

I do have to say, I am up in the mornings with them and I'm lucky enough to have some play time in the AM before work. If I didn't have that, I don't know if I would go out at night.

Re: Question for working or BTDT moms?

yes, I've done it a few times.

it IS hard and I MISSSS him and feel so badly that I don't get to see him BUT dh gets good "daddy" time with him those nights and I think that is important too.

I live/work in the city, so I can sometimes sneak home, feed him and play with him and then go to dinner around 8 when he is winding down to bed anyway.

I even TRY not to talk about him every 30 seconds (sorry DB and GQ! ) but yeah, it's REALLY hard to not be with him. but it's REALLY important to give others, like dh, a chance to be primary care giver too, so I try to look at those nights as an opportunity for us both to foster relationships (he with his son, and me with my friends)

HTH.

ETA: I wanted to add this b/c I think it's very important that your friends, be them single and devil may care or married/kidded and trying to catch up like you, and you are equally understanding of the place you occupy in each of your lives.

I am BLESSED with some pretty awesome friends that while they encourage me to go out, also understand how important it is for me to just BE with my family right now. and how it WILL get better. I think it helps that I do make an effort and they know I care....but yeah, if grown people are going to get pissy b/c you can't get to the bar for whatever reason, they can fall by the way side with a "don't let the door hit ya" type of goodbye from me.

it means so much to me that my friends love me and my son enough to stay in my orbit and beam me into their lives when I can. it means so much to be that they are coming to my sons shower...that I get emails saying how much they love him and can't wait to hold him....that they respect how my life has changed...and that they know me well enough to know that while I have a majorly gorgeous distraction right now, I will come around eventually.

I count myself EXTREMELY blessed in the friends dept. it definitely goes both ways.

Message edited 3/31/2010 11:55:00 AM.

Re: Question for working or BTDT moms?

You sound just like me!!

I used to go out a lot after work. Happy hours, meet up with friends for dinner, etc. I feel it's hard to maintain my friendships, but I use my time at work to KIT with them on email or texting when I can.

I plan on getting together on weekends too with their kids. It's harder to meet up with my single friends. Any time with DS is so precious to me. I only have 2.5 - 3 hours with him at night. Although he goes to sleep at 7:30PM so I make phone calls then too.

Re: Question for working or BTDT moms?

Posted by Ophelia

yes, I've done it a few times.

it IS hard and I MISSSS him and feel so badly that I don't get to see him BUT dh gets good "daddy" time with him those nights and I think that is important too.

I live/work in the city, so I can sometimes sneak home, feed him and play with him and then go to dinner around 8 when he is winding down to bed anyway.

I even TRY not to talk about him every 30 seconds (sorry DB and GQ! ) but yeah, it's REALLY hard to not be with him. but it's REALLY important to give others, like dh, a chance to be primary care giver too, so I try to look at those nights as an opportunity for us both to foster relationships (he with his son, and me with my friends)

HTH.

Re: Question for working or BTDT moms?

Message edited 3/31/2010 12:00:09 PM.

Re: Question for working or BTDT moms?

I worked FT for 7 months , and I never once went out during the week. I went out once on a saturday night w/ some friends, but I was so exhausted it wasn't even fun for me. I sadly have sort of lost touch w/ some of my childless buddies, but that's the way it goes

Re: Question for working or BTDT moms?

I go right home to see DC. 1/2 the time I don't even eat dinner till after he's asleep just because I want to spend time with him.

Re: Question for working or BTDT moms?

Re: Question for working or BTDT moms?

When I lived in the city, I would run home and put him to bed and then go out. I didnt even do it that often but it was much easier. Now with commuting, I do it rarely (maybe on a Friday so at least I know I'll wake up and have the weekend with him) but I'm usually so tired by Fri night that I dont really enjoy it anyway and then hate having to commute home after dinner/drinks. I do try to squeeze in lunches when I can (like today!)

Unfortunately, none of my friends have kids and are pretty much all single and still in the city and it's put a huge strain on my relationships with them. I also havent really been able to make new friends in LI yet and lately it's felt pretty lonely

Re: Question for working or BTDT moms?

I usually go out 1-2 a month. Of course I miss her, but IMO it's one or 2 nights. That time apart isn't going to kill either of us. She gets extra Daddy/Daughter time and I get to have fun too. I don't feel guilty at all.

Re: Question for working or BTDT moms?