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Merf99
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 3380 total posts
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Problem with our nanny- need advice
I went back to work last week after being home for a few weeks with my nanny so i could watch her interact with my DD. We installed nanny cam's so we can see what goes on. Over the last week we've seen our nanny leave DD in the swing for hrs at a time (2-3 hours). Granted this happens about once a day but it's far too long for her to be in there. She might nap in there a bit, but I have told her I want her napping i her crib. Also part of the deal is that she's supossed to clean. She tells me she was too busy with DD all day today to clean- but in the 2 1/2 hrs that DD was in the swing today, the nanny sat on the couch and talked on the phone and watched tv.
She is a good nanny besides this, but how do I handle this? Would you get rid of her? Am I overreacting?
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Posted 1/22/07 9:48 PM  |
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4monkeys
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Re: Problem with our nanny- need advice
Hmmm, thats such a tough situation, it's so hard to bring it up since she doesnt know she's being taped...
Can you just say "While she naps, you can do XYZ" ....
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| Posted 1/22/07 9:53 PM |
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Merf99
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 3380 total posts
Name:
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Re: Problem with our nanny- need advice
Posted by anna
Hmmm, thats such a tough situation, it's so hard to bring it up since she doesnt know she's being taped...
Can you just say "While she naps, you can do XYZ" ....
But the problem is that she told me that she did not nap and couldn't clean at all. Which is a lie!
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| Posted 1/22/07 9:54 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
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Re: Problem with our nanny- need advice
Does she interact with her other than the swing? I would tell her that she is to be in the swing for no longer than x time. If she disregards her advice, I would try to find someone & then let her go. It's one thing to have the fall asleep & not want to move them, it's another thing to leave them in there for 2-3 hours. I would think 20 minutes would be the maximum unless there is a colic issue. If you want to address the cleaning issue, you could say your caller id had her on the phone for 20 minutes & you'd like her to clean instead of talk on the phone.
I know it sounds harsh to say get rid of her but my criteria for a nanny would have to be more than my dd is safe. That should be a given. She needs to interact with her.
It has to be so hard to trust one person with dd. I can't even imagine.
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| Posted 1/22/07 9:55 PM |
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MABLE03
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Re: Problem with our nanny- need advice
Posted by Merf99
Posted by anna
Hmmm, thats such a tough situation, it's so hard to bring it up since she doesnt know she's being taped...
Can you just say "While she naps, you can do XYZ" ....
But the problem is that she told me that she did not nap and couldn't clean at all. Which is a lie!
I think her lying to your face is reason enough for her to be fired.
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| Posted 1/22/07 9:56 PM |
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Merf99
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 3380 total posts
Name:
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Re: Problem with our nanny- need advice
Posted by nrthshgrl
Does she interact with her other than the swing? I would tell her that she is to be in the swing for no longer than x time. If she disregards her advice, I would try to find someone & then let her go. It's one thing to have the fall asleep & not want to move them, it's another thing to leave them in there for 2-3 hours. I would think 20 minutes would be the maximum unless there is a colic issue. If you want to address the cleaning issue, you could say your caller id had her on the phone for 20 minutes & you'd like her to clean instead of talk on the phone.
I know it sounds harsh to say get rid of her but my criteria for a nanny would have to be more than my dd is safe. That should be a given. She needs to interact with her.
It has to be so hard to trust one person with dd. I can't even imagine.
She does interact with her. She holds her and walks around with her and plays with some of her toys and occasionally reads to her (not as much as I like though). But hours in the swing is just wrong. yes, she prboably napped in there for a little bit but I can see when she goes to turn the music back on for her. DD gets fussy when the music is off, so I know she's not napping the whole time. I'm just so scared to get rid of her and trying to find someone new - I don't like certain things but at least I do trust her and know she won't harm DD.
As far as the cleaning, the problem is that she says that DD didn't nap all day so she couldn't clean - and that's lying. I can say I can see how long each call was, but she is really smart and can probably figure out that we can't really do that.....
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| Posted 1/22/07 9:59 PM |
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4monkeys
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Member since 9/05 7205 total posts
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Re: Problem with our nanny- need advice
Posted by Merf99
Posted by anna
Hmmm, thats such a tough situation, it's so hard to bring it up since she doesnt know she's being taped...
Can you just say "While she naps, you can do XYZ" ....
But the problem is that she told me that she did not nap and couldn't clean at all. Which is a lie!
I just started another post so as to not hijack your post  but my question is, would you tell her she's being taped just to keep her on her toes? whats the pros and cons to that (Maybe Im just not seeing it  ) but maybe that would be more effective. Hey, it's your child, they should understand that it's a parents right to see what's going on. I know I would totally respect it.
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| Posted 1/22/07 10:00 PM |
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Re: Problem with our nanny- need advice
lying definitly would make me made enough to fire her. I would start looking for someone else and in the meantime take away the swing, either hide or take it apart that way she has to interact with her.
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| Posted 1/22/07 10:00 PM |
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Merf99
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 3380 total posts
Name:
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Re: Problem with our nanny- need advice
Posted by MABLE03
Posted by Merf99
Posted by anna
Hmmm, thats such a tough situation, it's so hard to bring it up since she doesnt know she's being taped...
Can you just say "While she naps, you can do XYZ" ....
But the problem is that she told me that she did not nap and couldn't clean at all. Which is a lie!
I think her lying to your face is reason enough for her to be fired.
But do I fire someone over cleaning? If I trust her with my daughter? You are probably right but I'm playing devil's advocate and want you to convince me!
Dh said maybe we do daycare, but at daycare noone is going to entertain her the entire time anyway.
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| Posted 1/22/07 10:00 PM |
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Merf99
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 3380 total posts
Name:
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Re: Problem with our nanny- need advice
Posted by anna
Posted by Merf99
Posted by anna
Hmmm, thats such a tough situation, it's so hard to bring it up since she doesnt know she's being taped...
Can you just say "While she naps, you can do XYZ" ....
But the problem is that she told me that she did not nap and couldn't clean at all. Which is a lie!
I just started another post so as to not hijack your post but my question is, would you tell her she's being taped just to keep her on her toes? whats the pros and cons to that (Maybe Im just not seeing it ) but maybe that would be more effective. Hey, it's your child, they should understand that it's a parents right to see what's going on. I know I would totally respect it.
I think if we told her that from the beginning, it would be cool. But since we didn't tell her, I think that would be bad and she would feel completely angry. And I just think it would make it uncomfy all around. If we do hire someone else, we will 100% tell them there are cameras.
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| Posted 1/22/07 10:01 PM |
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4monkeys
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Member since 9/05 7205 total posts
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Re: Problem with our nanny- need advice
Posted by Merf99
Posted by nrthshgrl
Does she interact with her other than the swing? I would tell her that she is to be in the swing for no longer than x time. If she disregards her advice, I would try to find someone & then let her go. It's one thing to have the fall asleep & not want to move them, it's another thing to leave them in there for 2-3 hours. I would think 20 minutes would be the maximum unless there is a colic issue. If you want to address the cleaning issue, you could say your caller id had her on the phone for 20 minutes & you'd like her to clean instead of talk on the phone.
I know it sounds harsh to say get rid of her but my criteria for a nanny would have to be more than my dd is safe. That should be a given. She needs to interact with her.
It has to be so hard to trust one person with dd. I can't even imagine.
She does interact with her. She holds her and walks around with her and plays with some of her toys and occasionally reads to her (not as much as I like though). But hours in the swing is just wrong. yes, she prboably napped in there for a little bit but I can see when she goes to turn the music back on for her. DD gets fussy when the music is off, so I know she's not napping the whole time. I'm just so scared to get rid of her and trying to find someone new - I don't like certain things but at least I do trust her and know she won't harm DD.
As far as the cleaning, the problem is that she says that DD didn't nap all day so she couldn't clean - and that's lying. I can say I can see how long each call was, but she is really smart and can probably figure out that we can't really do that.....
of course you can see how long each call is.!  ( do you use optonline for phone?)
You should def think of taking care of this now, before it gets more awkward for you.
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| Posted 1/22/07 10:02 PM |
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Merf99
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 3380 total posts
Name:
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Re: Problem with our nanny- need advice
Posted by Seles81
lying definitly would make me made enough to fire her. I would start looking for someone else and in the meantime take away the swing, either hide or take it apart that way she has to interact with her.
We moved the swing so it's directly in the camera so we can now see DD's face. We'll see on Wedneday what happens (tomorrow i Work from home so I'm sure that won't happen). If it does happen again, I will then take away the swing.
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| Posted 1/22/07 10:02 PM |
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MABLE03
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Member since 6/06 4563 total posts
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Fabulous
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Re: Problem with our nanny- need advice
Posted by Merf99
Posted by MABLE03
Posted by Merf99
Posted by anna
Hmmm, thats such a tough situation, it's so hard to bring it up since she doesnt know she's being taped...
Can you just say "While she naps, you can do XYZ" ....
But the problem is that she told me that she did not nap and couldn't clean at all. Which is a lie!
I think her lying to your face is reason enough for her to be fired.
But do I fire someone over cleaning? If I trust her with my daughter? You are probably right but I'm playing devil's advocate and want you to convince me!
Dh said maybe we do daycare, but at daycare noone is going to entertain her the entire time anyway.
IMO it has nothing at all to do with the cleaning... it's the fact that she is lying to you ( and over something pretty stupid) That would lead me to believe she will really lie big time when it comes to something bigger or more important. I don't think she has good values if she can't just be honest with you and say " I am here to watch your kid, please don't expect me to clean"
I wouldn't want someone like that around my child.
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| Posted 1/22/07 10:02 PM |
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4monkeys
boys will be boys =)
Member since 9/05 7205 total posts
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Re: Problem with our nanny- need advice
Posted by Merf99
I think if we told her that from the beginning, it would be cool. But since we didn't tell her, I think that would be bad and she would feel completely angry. And I just think it would make it uncomfy all around. If we do hire someone else, we will 100% tell them there are cameras.
Maybe you can say your hubby (Love blaming them  ) hubby's friend jst got a camera and talked him into trying it... i can imagine it being so awkward though... but it's an option...
maybe say you cant believe how cool technology is today, that you can peek in from work to see how your daughter is playing, and she can wave to the camera to mommy and daddy...
but jsut her lack of honesty and lying wouldnt sit right with me
Message edited 1/22/2007 10:04:56 PM.
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| Posted 1/22/07 10:04 PM |
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Merf99
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 3380 total posts
Name:
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Re: Problem with our nanny- need advice
As far as the lying thing, I am going to directly ask her tomorrow how long she spent in her swing. And again, I will do the same on Wednesday - if she lies, I will start looking for someone else. I know what you're saying about lying about the cleaning- it doesn't matter- just the fact that she is lying.
But really this is the worst that she has done - all other stuff about her is good. I know I'm prob trying to rationalize it for myself. But I am so so terrified to hire someone new, leave to go work in the city and not know this person taking care of my kid. At lesat i felt more comfy with her because I was home for a few weeks with her during my leave.
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| Posted 1/22/07 10:06 PM |
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4monkeys
boys will be boys =)
Member since 9/05 7205 total posts
Name:
:)
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Re: Problem with our nanny- need advice
Posted by Merf99
Posted by MABLE03
Posted by Merf99
Posted by anna
Hmmm, thats such a tough situation, it's so hard to bring it up since she doesnt know she's being taped...
Can you just say "While she naps, you can do XYZ" ....
But the problem is that she told me that she did not nap and couldn't clean at all. Which is a lie!
I think her lying to your face is reason enough for her to be fired.
But do I fire someone over cleaning? If I trust her with my daughter? You are probably right but I'm playing devil's advocate and want you to convince me!
Dh said maybe we do daycare, but at daycare noone is going to entertain her the entire time anyway.
I agree with Mable, that its not over the cleaning (and I think you know that in your heart too   )
so Im trying to talk you into it, not lecturing you but I also think it's the fact that she's not being honest about something so minimal.
Can you ask her to write down the happenings of the day, time she ate, napped, etc? I know lots of moms like schedules to go by, so you can tell her youd like to know what the schedule's been like, if there are any changes, etc.
As far as daycare, Im sure they do spend certain amounts of time with each child (stacey? help us out here! )
speaking of which, which daycares have cameras that parents can look in on? any chains, tutor time, etc? does anyone know?
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| Posted 1/22/07 10:09 PM |
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Merf99
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 3380 total posts
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Re: Problem with our nanny- need advice
Thansk Anna - I know you're trying to help! I am so so upset over this! I tried so hard to find the best person to take care of DD. I really did and I feel like i've failed!
I will also ask her to start a schedule and write down the happenings of the day! And again, I can see how much she's deviated by the times on the cameras.
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| Posted 1/22/07 10:11 PM |
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NJmom
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Member since 8/05 4987 total posts
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Re: Problem with our nanny- need advice
i like anna's idea about having her write down a log of what she did during the day. you could even make up a sheet like they have at some day cares with the info you want her to write down.
back to the camera thing, why not just pretend that you haven't seen anything yet and then tell her that you will be setting up a camera so that you can check in on the baby during the day, blah blah blah. she doesn't have to know that you've already been watching. and hopefully from now on things will change since she knows she's being watched.
i'm pretty sure kiddie academy has cameras for parents to check in during the day.
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| Posted 1/22/07 11:06 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
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Re: Problem with our nanny- need advice
I've heard of other daycares trying to get them in.
You did do the best you can in getting someone for DD. She just is not a good fit. If she can't follow your instructions re: your daughter, if she is ignoring her, then she isn't the right one for you.
The cleaning doesn't bother me as much as leaving a child in a swing for 2-3 hours unless she was asleep the whole time. Even then you asked her to put her to sleep in her crib.
This isnt' a failing on your part. The failing would be to let it continue.
Message edited 8/13/2007 3:21:51 PM.
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| Posted 1/22/07 11:11 PM |
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MomofMandB
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Jen
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Re: Problem with our nanny- need advice
You have FM.
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| Posted 1/23/07 6:08 AM |
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FelAndJon
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Felice (aka LuckyBride2004)
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Re: Problem with our nanny- need advice
First off I know how difficult this whole back to work/leaving baby with nanny thing is. I am going though it myself
I have to agree with the above posters. It isn't that she didn't clean, it is the fact that she lied to you. It is this little thing now, you just don't know what it could turn into in the future. If she can get away with a little lie, it will turn into somthing more in the future. She will keep testing you to see what she can get away with.
Another thing you can say is that you have noticed she hasnt been sleeping as well at night. In the past it had meant that her naps were too long during the day (feel her out kind of thing).
I think you already know what you need to do. It is just doing it that is so difficult.
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| Posted 1/23/07 7:43 AM |
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MsMBV
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Re: Problem with our nanny- need advice
Posted by MABLE03
Posted by Merf99
Posted by anna
Hmmm, thats such a tough situation, it's so hard to bring it up since she doesnt know she's being taped...
Can you just say "While she naps, you can do XYZ" ....
But the problem is that she told me that she did not nap and couldn't clean at all. Which is a lie!
I think her lying to your face is reason enough for her to be fired.
I hate to say it but I agree. If you do not feel comfortable telling her maybe arrange for a "surprise" visit from a friend & in-law one day so that they can see it first hand? Plus what good is she doing if she is on the phone that much. Can she really be paying attention to everything else going on in the house?
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| Posted 1/23/07 7:45 AM |
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CookiePuss
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Re: Problem with our nanny- need advice
Posted by MABLE03
Posted by Merf99
Posted by anna
Hmmm, thats such a tough situation, it's so hard to bring it up since she doesnt know she's being taped...
Can you just say "While she naps, you can do XYZ" ....
But the problem is that she told me that she did not nap and couldn't clean at all. Which is a lie!
I think her lying to your face is reason enough for her to be fired.
I have to say I agree. I would have a big problem with her lying to me about anything. What else is she going to lie about?
Another thing that bothers me is that she claims she didn't take a nap. I really think that if your DD is young enough to be in a swing, it's important for her to nap at least once duing the day. The nanny should make sure of that even if it means holding her and rocking her for an hour.
If you want to try to work this out, I would tell her you are installing cameras in the house as protection to you and her. My feeling about letting a nanny know there is surveillance is that I would rather her know and be on her best behavior all the time rather then wait and catch her doing something she shouldn't because she didn't know the cameras were there.
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| Posted 1/23/07 8:11 AM |
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Merf99
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 3380 total posts
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Re: Problem with our nanny- need advice
Thank you so much for all of your advice. I am working from home today so I am able to see what goes on (although I am sure she won't be left in the swnig for hours). I am going to tell her I spoke to the doctor since she was SO cranky last night and he wants me to keep a log of when she eats, sleeps and poops. So at her next check-uphe can see about patterns.
I will talk to DH about telling her we are installing surveillance cameras so we can see her. But I'm just worried she will know they were alrady there since we won't be putting anything additional. I guess we can say that the alarm sensors (which are really cameras) are being changed to turn into cameras.
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| Posted 1/23/07 8:27 AM |
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Elizabeth
Mom of Three
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"MOMMY!!!"
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Re: Problem with our nanny- need advice
Posted by Merf99
I am so so upset over this! I tried so hard to find the best person to take care of DD. I really did and I feel like i've failed!
I'm sorry youre having this problem Meredith. It's got to be hard to leave your child, I havent been in that position so I can only imagine. Don't blame yourself or feel like you failed....you haven't at all - you installed the cam to be sure that your DD is being cared for properly and in the manner you want so there's no failure here at all, just you being a concientous parent. I hope you are able to come to some resolution soon. On a sidenote, this reminds me of a guy I use to work with who had a cam installed and they found the nanny pleasuring herself when the baby was asleep  Im sure he watched that one a few times 
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| Posted 1/23/07 8:32 AM |
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