Please just let me get this off of my chest..long, sorry

For some this journey has been tougher that others, but at the end of the day, it's still a journey that we can all sympathize with.

It took me a year and a half and five iui's to finally get a bfp. For that I am grateful, I am still fearful, but on this board, as with so many bfp's before me, I believe it gives hope to others on this journey.

I work with someone who has been on this journey. It took her two years and after 2 iui's got her bfp. Unfortunately, she miscarried at 12 weeks. She has been a friend and someone to talk with throught this time, as she is the only person I know who has felt what we have all felt. She even gave me a vial of follistum that she has left over since she has decided not to continue with her iui's.

Today she proceeds to tell me to my face how resentful she is of me that I got pregnant, and that she hates the fact that the follistum she gave me worked for me and not for her.

For the last two years I have endured baby announcements, births, and baby showers, and the coutless "when are you going to have a baby", and each and every time it was a tiny stab to my heart. Some showers I went to, some I couldn't bare to, so I know all to0 well how it feels to have that "why me" feeling.

She was the person I told first when I got my bfp as she went thru each and every iui with me and even cried with me with every bfn.

To say I'm hurt is and understatement, and I can't believe that she actually said all of this to my face.

I can honestly say that I have been happy for each and every bfp both on this board and in my "outside" life as well, but will admit that some were tougher pills to swallow more than others.

Please tell me that it's ok to be happy to be pregnant.

Right now I have this horrific sense of guilt.

If I hurt or offend anyone by posting this here, I am truly, truly sorry, because that was not my intention.

Re: Please just let me get this off of my chest..long, sorry

it is 1000% ok for you to be happy. I know your friend must be hurting but its wrong to be so selfish. Some people obviously dont handle things like this well. many hugs to you and congrats!

Re: Please just let me get this off of my chest..long, sorry

I think you are entitled to feel how you feel. I would have felt hurt too. I think the word "resentful" was a poor choice of words. Perhaps envy would have been more appropriate. I envy each and every one of the ladies that gets a BFP, but to be resentful? No. That's just not in the core of who I am.

Be happy to be pregnant. Enjoy this most incredible time in your life. Celebrate it. If you cannot rely on this person to be supprtive anymore, you have us.

Re: Please just let me get this off of my chest..long, sorry

Re: Please just let me get this off of my chest..long, sorry

Wow!!
What a bizarre way for someone who is and has been on this journey to react.

I feel for you, I could not imagine reacting that way to anyone who had the good fortune to succeed in this quest.

Re: Please just let me get this off of my chest..long, sorry

Sorry you are going through that. Obviously your friend is not handling your great news well at all. You should be absolutely thrilled your pg. DO NOT feel any guilt at all.

I had so many downs to get me where I am today. A close friend of mine who I thought was a friend was never there when I needed her. When I talked about my dr visits and I would tell her I had issues with my ovaries she would cut me off and say Oh my doctor said I have beautiful ovaries. Can you imagine? Who says that? I don't talk to her anymore. It's weird people just don't know how to react to certain situations. It hurt me that my friend was like that.

Sorry you're going throught this. You don't need to stress about this in your condition. Forget and be happy every day

Re: Please just let me get this off of my chest..long, sorry

aww, I am so sorry

Please be happy about your baby! It is a miracle, truely, and after all your struggles, you need to be joyous about it. I am so thrilled about every single BFP I see come from this board, I can't even explain it. Yes, I graduated too, so maybe that makes it easier, but I know I would be happy no matter what.

My dearest friend got pregnant the same time that i did. She went through IVF with her first husband a few years ago, never getting a BFP. She is getting married next month, and got a BFP without even trying, she was just so thrilled, and we were so happy to be pregnant together. Sadly she lost her little one a week after seeing his heart beat.

I wanted to protect her, and did not talk about me pregnancy at all, but she yelled, and inquires all the time about him.
On the other hand I have a family memeber, that has literally cut off ties to the family altogether because she just cannot be happy for us that are getting preganant.

Everyone reacts differently, I am so sorry this friend of yours cannot just be happy, but I am sure the emotions inside of her from her struggle and her loss are more than she can bear right now, and she is taking out on you.

In the end though, just be happy, and feel positive for your little baby on the way, this is your dream come true
Never ever feel guilt for your little miracle.

Re: Please just let me get this off of my chest..long, sorry

Wow!!! I don't even know what to say to this!!!

to you ahd DH!!!!

BE HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!

Re: Please just let me get this off of my chest..long, sorry

I would be hurt too but I guess I would try to take myself back to when you were trying to get PG and just chalk it up to her being angry and resentful...I am sure deep down she is happy for you, but I know, it's hard.....

Re: Please just let me get this off of my chest..long, sorry

Posted by CaseyGirl

I would be hurt too but I guess I would try to take myself back to when you were trying to get PG and just chalk it up to her being angry and resentful...I am sure deep down she is happy for you, but I know, it's hard.....

Re: Please just let me get this off of my chest..long, sorry

Your friend is hurting right now something fierce just like many of us were at different points in our IF journey. Although it doesn't excuse her behavior, through our happiness we have to try and respect their grief.

You must celebrate your miracle and enjoy your pregnancy!

Re: Please just let me get this off of my chest..long, sorry

Wow Suzy! Of course it is Ok for you to be happy that you are pregnant, it is more than Ok, you should be rejoicing and enjoying every moment (well maybe not the morning sickness!)
I think your freind is having a very bad case of the old green eyed monster. I too would be very hurt, and as she too is going thru this journey she should know better, but sounds to me like the jealousy is stopping her from thinking like a rational person.

Sorry that you had to go through that, keep your chin up, keep your distance from her and enjoy your pregnancy

Re: Please just let me get this off of my chest..long, sorry

Wow. I think this just proves how much we all mask our deep hurt when we are out in the world. It must have been very difficult to hear this from a friend. I lost my mom when I was ten and there were times in my life when I was resentful and jealous, but as I matured, I realized that I could never hate someone because they had what I longed for so badly. That is what I remind myself when I hear good news about babies. Hopefully she will come around. Just know that we are so happy for you!

Re: Please just let me get this off of my chest..long, sorry

Suzy, embrace and enjoy your pregnancy! You deserve it! I hope that your friend does comes around for you. I don't blame you for being hurt.

Re: Please just let me get this off of my chest..long, sorry

Suzy, you not only should be happy to be pregnant, but you more than DESERVE to be pregnant for all that you've been through. I understand that your friend is hurting, but come on. Would you EVER say something like that to someone who got a BFP? Especially someone who's been on this journey? You know, honestly...it's one thing to say that to someone who got pregnant on the first shot, no issues. But for someone like you who's been through 2 years of IF is inexcusable to me. I'm so sorry that you are feeling betrayed by a friend who you confided in so many times. Just know that we are always here for you. I know it hurts because you want EVERYONE in your life to be able to relish in the joy you feel. But we are. And yes, of course we envy the fact that you're pregnant and we're not...but would NEVER EVER be resentful of you. Like you said, its a motivating factor to see someone get out of IF -- there's a light at the end of the tunnel. You and the rest of the IF graduates are proof of that.

We love ya, girl!

Re: Please just let me get this off of my chest..long, sorry

You have every right to be happy. You had a long, hard journey to get where you are. Just because she is not there yet does not give her the right to speak to you like that. I am sure she is hurting but that is still no excuse. I think you should tell her how you feel. Maybe she didn't realize she was being so hurtful to you since she was in pain.
The baby you have inside you is a beautiful gift and you have no reason to feel guilty. If after you speak with her she can't see this as a joyful event then she is not the friend you thought she was and you need to move on to more positive people. Good luck and congrats again on your precious little bean.

Re: Please just let me get this off of my chest..long, sorry

Re: Please just let me get this off of my chest..long, sorry

Posted by LIBOUND

Posted by CaseyGirl

I would be hurt too but I guess I would try to take myself back to when you were trying to get PG and just chalk it up to her being angry and resentful...I am sure deep down she is happy for you, but I know, it's hard.....

Thanks, this is exactly how I'm approaching this.

I WILL NEVER forget what those feeling felt like, no matter what happends in my life.

Re: Please just let me get this off of my chest..long, sorry

Thank you all....I don't know what to say. Ok, I do...

So I see my friend at work and we both acted as if what was said was never said, and to tell you the truth, I'll leave it that way. I think I'll leave details of this pregnancy out of our conversations, unless she asks something.

I will in fact allow myself to be happy. Today I saw my baby and the heartbeat...it still seems unreal. So, yes, I thank God for this miracle and will be praying for more "graduates".

I am also extremely gratelful to all of you for your kind words, hugs, prayers, and fm's.

Shucks, I just heart you all, dammit!!!!!!!!!

Re: Please just let me get this off of my chest..long, sorry

Re: Please just let me get this off of my chest..long, sorry

I am sorry..... you deserve to BE HAPPY!!!!

Re: Please just let me get this off of my chest..long, sorry

Be happy, you deserve it.

Re: Please just let me get this off of my chest..long, sorry

First off I'm really sorry that your friend is acting that way. I think all of us who are on this IF rollercoaster have gone through the envy of hearing someone else's BFP. I think that is a normal feeling however to be resentful is not especially of someone else who has suffered from IF. Yes I had to endure numerous birth announcements baby showers, etc and it was hard and I did sit there wishing it was me and wondering if I was next but I never could be resentful of someone else's BFP especially if that person suffered through IF.

All of us have something in common....we all desire to be parents. Unfortunately we have to endure alot of heartache and testing in the process....but that's what makes me feel a connection with you ladies and everyone else that suffers from IF. Sometimes its a long journey and sometimes its a short one but its always hard.

I hope that you embrace and enjoy your pregnancy. Hopefully your friend will realize how harsh she was and apologize....if not then you have to move on and realize that you have every right to be happy for yourself.

Re: Please just let me get this off of my chest..long, sorry

I would have been deeply hurt but on some level, I would have appreciated her honesty. I do not know what her tone was when she said these things, but that would make a difference to me. I think that there is a sort of guilt that comes when you do get pregnant but you also have such an understanding of the bumpy road to pregnancy. It's not fair that the guilt happens, though.

Re: Please just let me get this off of my chest..long, sorry

I got chills reading what your friend said to you. How on earth after seeing what you went through does she think it is okay to push her sadness onto you during this incredibly happy time? I don't know how you responded, but I would have told her some of what you wrote.
I agree with you that I am happy for everyone that gets pregnant, easily or not, but do feel a sadness that it hasn't happened for me. However, not for one second would I think to tell someone that I wish they weren't - especially the part about the Follistum.
You are exactly in the place you were meant to be, which is pregnant. Don't let her misguided anger make you feel wrong in anyway. She truly should be ashamed of herself.
You do need to discuss this with her so she won't do this to someone else at the very least. She showed some true colors here.