Please help me get over feeling guilty for keeping dd's birthday simple this year

Dd is turning 3, so she still doesn't have any real expectations of what a birthday party should be. So I'm not really worried that she will be disappointed if we keep her celebration small this year. Rather, I'm feeling a little guilty for not including all of our family. Due to divorces and remarriage on both sides, we have a lot of people that we usually invite to things. Parents, step parents, SOs, siblings, half siblings, step siblings, then all their kids...plus other family like aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents. Our guest lists usually are 50-75 of "immediate family", which requires renting a hall or room in a restaurant since our house is tiny. This year, since I'm pregnant and trying to avoid stress and trying to save money, DH and I were thinking maybe we could just have only dd's grandparents and great grandparents over for her birthday. That would still be a guest list of about 10 people, but it's more doable for us, and DD would still get to feel special and have a fun day. But do you think all our other family members will understand? I hate to exclude people, but I'm really not up for throwing such a big party this year. And last year we went around to each branch of our divorced parent's families separately, which resulted in 5 different celebrations and cakes for DD, which we felt spoiled and jaded her. I don't want her thinking she gets 5 cakes every year. We just want one, simple celebration. Do you think that's reasonable or will we be jerks for not having everyone?

Eta: we're not even very close with most of our half and step siblings. Most of them we only see at things like big holidays, weddings funerals, etc. They don't take interest in our lives at all, the most we hear from them usually is getting a "like" on a Facebook post. So with that, we just don't feel like we should have to be obligated to always invite them. Even though one way or another I'm sure we'll get some guilt trips from some of them if we don't.

Message edited 9/22/2015 6:30:25 AM.

Please help me get over feeling guilty for keeping dd's birthday simple this year

Don't feel guilty at all. Only the 1st birthday gets extended family invites. Dds 2nd bday was at a kids gym and only imvited grandparents and our siblings. My father in law hosted everyone after at his house for pool party and bbq and opened it up to aunt, uncle and cousins.

It's whatever you want. It's a kids party.

Re: Please help me get over feeling guilty for keeping dd's birthday simple this year

i agree with PP. the first birthday is the big one. in fact, i think now is a great time to stop the precedent for inviting the whole crew. especially being pregnant and exhausted. and if anyone asks tell them exactly what you told us.

Re: Please help me get over feeling guilty for keeping dd's birthday simple this year

Posted by whoababy11

i agree with PP. the first birthday is the big one. in fact, i think now is a great time to stop the precedent for inviting the whole crew. especially being pregnant and exhausted. and if anyone asks tell them exactly what you told us.

Re: Please help me get over feeling guilty for keeping dd's birthday simple this year

This is fine! Do NOT feel guilty!

Please help me get over feeling guilty for keeping dd's birthday simple this year

Don't feel guilty. I always have a small party. Grandparents and our siblings. It's about 15 people.

Please help me get over feeling guilty for keeping dd's birthday simple this year

Thanks, that makes me feel better. I guess we're just so used to getting told who we "have to" invite. We had people neither one of us had ever met at our wedding because we "had to" invite them. I guess now is a good time to put our foot down and start doing our kid's celebrations our way.

Re: Please help me get over feeling guilty for keeping dd's birthday simple this year

Re: Please help me get over feeling guilty for keeping dd's birthday simple this year

Re: Please help me get over feeling guilty for keeping dd's birthday simple this year

I didn't read other's responses, but please don't feel guilty!

For both kids, we did/will do a big 1st bday party with family. At that age they are still so young, they don't fully understand anyway. Starting with the second birthday, though, we do/will do a kids-only birthday plus our immediate families (grandparents and my sis and BIL only). Both of my husband's aunts were upset they weren't invited to DS's 2nd birthday but I just . I mean, come on, I'm not throwing a gala for every birthday. Once my children are old enough to understand birthdays (which is age 2, IMO) then the party is for them, not me/DH.

Please help me get over feeling guilty for keeping dd's birthday simple this year

I would not stress about this at all. I don't think many people expect every birthday to be a huge celebration. I am due 2 weeks before DD 2nd bday and I have already warned every one that we are doing pretty much nothing. Her actual bday is on Thanksgiving and I am going to have a small kiddie party a few weeks later when new baby is about a month old for like 10 of her kid friends and cousins. That's it. No hoopla! We had a BIG christening and 1st Bday parties. No one seems to be complaiing. As long as the immediates get to be there you are fine!

Please help me get over feeling guilty for keeping dd's birthday simple this year

I wouldn't stress. DD had a first birthday party (about 30 people) at my parents house. For her second and third we had maybe 15 people, if that. It will be the same when she turns 4 next year. If we had to invite everyone every year, we'd have 100+ people all the time....not happening!!

Please help me get over feeling guilty for keeping dd's birthday simple this year

I have time but I will have a newborn when my daughter turns 2 so my plan to keep it Very low key.

Re: Please help me get over feeling guilty for keeping dd's birthday simple this year

Please help me get over feeling guilty for keeping dd's birthday simple this year

We did a party for DD's first birthday and will do one for DD2's first birthday. After that, just family for pizza and cake. Also a playdate with friends. No formal birthday party. I don't feel bad.

Message edited 9/22/2015 3:08:10 PM.

Re: Please help me get over feeling guilty for keeping dd's birthday simple this year

Like everyone else said, I wouldn't feel guilty. We only did a big first birthday and just immediate family over the house for ds 2nd and 3rd birthday. I actually preferred the small party.

Re: Please help me get over feeling guilty for keeping dd's birthday simple this year

We just had DS's 3rd bday over the weekend with just grandparents & cousins (he has 2 that live close) and he had a blast. He doesn't know the difference!

Re: Please help me get over feeling guilty for keeping dd's birthday simple this year

Do NOT feel guilty. We had around 100 for dd's first bday. Her second was combined with a housewarming with about 25 people, and her third will just be casual "coffee and cake" for the 12 or so realtives who live local on Long Island. And honestly, if dd had a choice in the matter, I'm sure she'd choose the latter anyways with just the people whom she really really knows and can show off for!

Re: Please help me get over feeling guilty for keeping dd's birthday simple this year

I agree. It's very hard to feel you have to invite everyone. I know my husbands extended family feels they should be invited to my daughters birthdays but I just feel it's too expensive to do a big party every year and we also just don't have the room. I don't let it get to me though.

Re: Please help me get over feeling guilty for keeping dd's birthday simple this year

Its fine! We had everyone for their 1st birthday. All others after that are grandparents, aunts and uncles (our siblings), their kids and thats it.

Please help me get over feeling guilty for keeping dd's birthday simple this year

Do not feel guilty. I am planning to do a much smaller party for dd second birthday than I did for her first birthday.

Re: Please help me get over feeling guilty for keeping dd's birthday simple this year

I don't think everyone expects to get invited after the 1st birthday. Our parties have been held at places like My Gym so we invite only people who have a child that is close together in age as birthday child.

Re: Please help me get over feeling guilty for keeping dd's birthday simple this year

I understand what you're dealing with - My party isn't quite as big, but I have the divorced and remarried grandparents, we each have siblings with spouses - it becomes a lot of people.

You do what you have to do - with an 'immediate' family that big, people can't expect to it to be a huge production for EVERY birthdary

Re: Please help me get over feeling guilty for keeping dd's birthday simple this year

LOL It looks like Im the only one that doesn't want to do a big 1st Birthday! I hope DH isn't a lurker because he says it should be a big party

Re: Please help me get over feeling guilty for keeping dd's birthday simple this year

My DD's birthdays for ages 1,2 and 3 were family parties. I didn't think it made sense to have a huge, expensive party when she wouldn't really remember/get much out of it.

We made a 4th birthday party for her at a "place"...and it was a disaster. Too many kids and people and it was overwhelming for her. She cried for most of the party.

Her 5th was perfect. It was great timing for her. I have a 3 month old now, and I am waiting for her 5th to throw her a party. I'm not spending hundreds of dollars if she won't enjoy it.