Once again, No BD-- **UPDATE**

Well DH and I decided that we should start actually trying after december.

For the past 3 months we have both been a little sicjk, under the weather etc.

He is STILL getting over this shomach/acid reflux thing.

So, 3 months, no BD.

**Update***

So Im not the girl to sit around and wait. Thank you all for making me think about whats going on and then speak to him.

So we spoke. I asked him if something was going on. He basically said "yes" that he has no sex drive at all, and hasnt for a while. I asked him if it was somrthing to do with me and he said not, he just doesent feel like having sex. We even spoke about the baby thing, nad he seemed (as he had in the past) overcome the terror (as we all do) and was ready for that part of our lives.

After a really great discussion he is going to the GP first for a full physical, and see what she says from there ie: where to go based on test results. Maybe this is just a low testosterone thing.

But we spoke, and we are going to look into it and see what we need to do.

Thanks everyone.

Message edited 3/11/2012 10:10:30 PM.

Re: Once again, No BD

Re: Once again, No BD

So sorry I feel your pain :(I we lost a whole cycle after DH spent a week in the hospital for colitis then a week recovering. And last cycle we missed our window after DH had a car accident and hurt his back. Hopefully you guys will start to feel netter soon and can make up for lost time

Re: Once again, No BD

I hope you don't think I'm out of line, but you've posted in the past that you and your DH didn't BD in almost a year, and now it's been three months? I would seriously reconsider TTC until you guys figure things out. Maybe try counseling?

Re: Once again, No BD

So you havent dont it AT ALL in 3 months or just not in your fertile time?

If its at all in 3 months... then i agree with PP you definitely need to have a talk with your DH about this... you can be sick for 3 months straight..

Re: Once again, No BD

Message edited 3/10/2012 5:41:35 PM.

Re: Once again, No BD

Re: Once again, No BD

Posted by Babymakin

Posted by headoverheels

I hope you don't think I'm out of line, but you've posted in the past that you and your DH didn't BD in almost a year, and now it's been three months? I would seriously reconsider TTC until you guys figure things out. Maybe try counseling?

Thanks for the clarification.

ETA: your not out of line. Your not being mean :)

I meant 3 months since we decided, but yes, almost a year.

We have spoken about it, but I dont think maybe couciling is out. I KNOW he wants kids, I know we are ready.

And when he and I spoke about it we had a good talk about how much of a responsability it is, how scarred we both are, what he was thinking about HIM being scared.

But yeah, almost a year

Re: Once again, No BD

I gotta be honest and I know you didn't ask, but I'm going to say it anyway. Perhaps you guys should really rethink this kid thing. If you all are having issues already, it's going to be worse when there's a baby in the mix.

I just don't understand how a couple who hasn't had sex for a year could consider themselves ready for the added stress of a baby.


Its a fair statement. And bears saying "if your not in it.."

The fact is I dont exactly know whats going on. I DO know there is no cheeting/porn etc.

I know we DO have a great marraige. We are very open and honest, and we get along really well. We are good togetehr and he is a good man.

We dont have any problems at all. Things are actually good. We are mobing and buying a house, his business is doing well. We really are blessed.

I think there are a few issues here.
1. He is just worried Worried about what it menas to be a good parent. Its a good thing. It means he WANTS to make sure that he (us) are good parents.

2. I think that he is having some body issues. We have both gained a few lbs (nothing BIG) But I know he has TOLD me that eh JUST feels blah in general. I lawyas tell him, sincerly, that I AM wildly attracted to him an I know he appreciates it.

3. I think he is having a mental thing going on about making sure he can handle a child.

We have talked about being parents and I KNOW its something he does want...but maybe his brain is saying "HOLY CRAP HOLY CRAP".

And I want to say that we wont have kids unless we both feel ready. I ASSURE you all about this.

Re: Once again, No BD

Re: Once again, No BD

dont you just have sex to have sex and NOT make a baby? dont mean to be harsh but a few lbs shld the reason the reason NOT to make love...

Is there more to this?

Re: Once again, No BD

I'm sorry but I agree with the PPs. If your husband is THAT worried about having children, there's a thing called a condom. That would prevent you from getting pregnant, but still allow the two of you to enjoy each other.

You don't have to answer this but - are you not having sex, but at least doing other things?

Also, how long have you two been married?

Re: Once again, No BD

Re: Once again, No BD

Message edited 3/10/2012 11:02:13 PM.

Re: Once again, No BD

You know what. I didnt put two and two togetehr untill I really just thought about it.....

Before sex got infrequent he had some problems staying hard. I NEVER gave him anything but support and love. I have never oressured him....

...I think he is having performance anxiety and the best way not to let that be a problem is not have sex.....

I completly forgot about that.......I knew there was something niggling me that I was missing.

I think its performace anxiety. AND coupled with having a kid is a big responsability....

Hum.

Re: Once again, No BD

No sex for 1 year, reguardless of broken foots, stomach bugs, and not being able to stay hard = issues.

A baby will only add to the stress of lives, and NOT make it better.

Re: Once again, No BD

After reading your updates, I really think you need to get him to see his doctor. There is definitely something amiss, either physically or emotionally. To have gone this long without sex is just not a good sign. And for you to make excuses for it is not fine either. Forgive me, but it seems you have your head in the sand with regards to this. Why that is is also something you need to explore.

As a mom of 3 little ones (all under age 5) I am telling you that if you don't have a solid relationship before that first baby arrives, it will be a continuous uphill (and likely losing) battle to keep your marriage on track. Shoot, it's a continuous battle WITH a healthy relationship.

To be healthy a marriage NEEDS intimacy. You all can fix this and come out just fine, but PLEASE stop TTC until you all figure this out. It's just another stressor that you'll both resent.

Good luck.

Re: Once again, No BD

I completely misread your original post sorry if my comment really didn't help! I thought you meant no BD in just the 3 months not a whole year. I can understand s sporadic month or two because people get sick. But a whole year and no BD at all? I agree if this is happening now adding a baby will only make it worse.

Best of luck to you I hope your D H starts feeling better!

Re: Once again, No BD

Posted by Porrruss

After reading your updates, I really think you need to get him to see his doctor. There is definitely something amiss, either physically or emotionally. To have gone this long without sex is just not a good sign. And for you to make excuses for it is not fine either. Forgive me, but it seems you have your head in the sand with regards to this. Why that is is also something you need to explore.

As a mom of 3 little ones (all under age 5) I am telling you that if you don't have a solid relationship before that first baby arrives, it will be a continuous uphill (and likely losing) battle to keep your marriage on track. Shoot, it's a continuous battle WITH a healthy relationship.

To be healthy a marriage NEEDS intimacy. You all can fix this and come out just fine, but PLEASE stop TTC until you all figure this out. It's just another stressor that you'll both resent.

Good luck.

Re: Once again, No BD

Posted by Stacey1403

Posted by Porrruss

After reading your updates, I really think you need to get him to see his doctor. There is definitely something amiss, either physically or emotionally. To have gone this long without sex is just not a good sign. And for you to make excuses for it is not fine either. Forgive me, but it seems you have your head in the sand with regards to this. Why that is is also something you need to explore.

As a mom of 3 little ones (all under age 5) I am telling you that if you don't have a solid relationship before that first baby arrives, it will be a continuous uphill (and likely losing) battle to keep your marriage on track. Shoot, it's a continuous battle WITH a healthy relationship.

To be healthy a marriage NEEDS intimacy. You all can fix this and come out just fine, but PLEASE stop TTC until you all figure this out. It's just another stressor that you'll both resent.

Good luck.

Ita with this 100%

Good Luck to you!

Re: Once again, No BD-- **UPDATE**

bump for update.

Re: Once again, No BD-- **UPDATE**

Re: Once again, No BD-- **UPDATE**

Definitely sounds like low testosterone!! I hope he gets it checked out - I think you will be surprised at how much his life changes (not just sex life but he will have a lot more energy!)

This is very common in my DH's family and probably something he will deal with at some point.

best of luck to you!

Re: Once again, No BD-- **UPDATE**

im really happy that you were able to talk to him about it... good luck at the Dr...