Ok...truth time...i need help...something is wrong with me...(edited with a little history)

I know i posted earlier today about Wellbutrin/Zoloft but i haven't wanted to admit the real reason i am hiding. Smething is wrong with me and i don't know what it is. Before DD my patience was nevr so short but the instant DD starts crying it's like something snaps and i instantly become flusterd and upset and tonight i caught myself yelling at DD for crying because i wasn't making dinner fast enough. But it's not just tonight. I am fine when she crys during the night or waking from a nap but those cranky days when all she does is cry drives me insane and i feel like im losing it and then i catch myself like really yelling at her to stop. I stop when i catch myself doing it but it's like i can't control it and i feel HORRIBLE for DD What i wrong with me?? I feel like such a bad person....bad mommy....

ETA: I have never had thyroid issues but they tested it and found a slight elevation, 3.80 is when it's called elevated and mine was 3.24 so it's not bad but it's out of normal range. This all started when I had a large hormonal cyst removed from my ovary late last year which resulted in losing a lot of that ovary and the getting frustrated easy and agitation started then too. I think my hormones are all over the place. My GP wouldn't change my medication but instead wants me to see a chinese herbal doctor which I'm scared to, I don't know about all that stuff. I haven't seen my OB yet (he was the one who did my surgery last year)

Message edited 9/21/2010 7:04:20 PM.

Re: Ok...truth time...i need help...something is wrong with me...

I didnt read your other posts but im going to say i think you need to speak to your dr asap. My friend took the wellbutrin (sp) and it completely f'ed her up. She is the most outgoing upbeat person ever and this sucked the life out of her and bad too. Im sure if this a ppd related thing there has to be something else you can take. But please call and speak to your dr. Good luck.

Re: Ok...truth time...i need help...something is wrong with me...

I think it is hard to know your depression/anxiety situation from a message board, obviously a doctor should be seen to get a handle on that BUT I will share from personal experience (without knowing your DD's age or anything) that there were a few months a short while back (around 18-22 months or so??) where I thought i was losing my MIND. DS doesn't have many words and there were some eating and behavioral things going on (all "normal" to the age it seems) that were making me INSAAAANE. Crying jags, mild tantrums, GRUNTING like a zoo animal all day long, you get the idea. I found it really taxing and was ready for bed by the time Dh would get home!!!
I think part of the reason it gets to us is cause it's all "new" and a bit scary I didn't know what was "normal", didn't know what I could do/not do to make him "happier" for lack of a better word, and was stressed out thinking I was unknowingly doing something to make him cranky!!! So I think I just internalized all that stress and frustration and got exhausted from it!! It helped me sooooo much to talk to mommy friends, especially moms of 2,3,4 and more, to get validation that it was just the age and I didn't have to worry as much as I was!!
I think you might be putting so much pressure on YOURSELF that you're ending up frustrated and exhausted from that desire to be "perfect", kwim?? That pressure getting to you doesn't make you a "bad mommy" it makes you human
Don't hesitate to talk to your OB or GP if you think you have PPD, and reach out to your mommy friends here and IRL if you need some support!!!!

Re: Ok...truth time...i need help...something is wrong with me...(edited with a little history)

I would totally see a Chinese doctor. It seems like your hormones are imbalanced from the surgery, and they can prescribe herbs that get your body balanced again.

Re: Ok...truth time...i need help...something is wrong with me...(edited with a little history)

I'd seek attention from a psychiatrist rather than my GP. There are SO many different meds out there and if the stuff you are on isn;t working completely, then he should be ready to prescribe something different.

Years ago when I was treated for anxiety it took me 3 different types of meds before I found one that worked perfectly.