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Pray4Baby2010
<3 Cutest Giants Fan
Member since 10/09 5796 total posts
Name:
MB
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Re: Oh you gotta be kidding me ..... (shower related)
Posted by MRsFaTThead
Posted by Pray4Baby2010
they may need to hear that it wasnt them, it was the situation
not yelling at you but why in the world would family need to know it wasn't them?!?!? she's been through so many looses and has had such a rough road. did they forget about it?!?!? they should be fcukin honored to celebrate the birth of her first!!!!
sorry. i guess i will never understand how a mother can be so selfish to another mother to be.
Feelings arent right or wrong, they just are... One person's feelings don't outrank anothers, sorry.
I did go to my gf's shower and to visit when her girls were born- but I am allowed to be hurt that she missed a big life event for me too. I would never call her selfish for it, so I'm not sure why its appropriate for me to be called selfish.
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Posted 4/8/13 1:55 PM  |
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tryin4baby3
LIF Toddler
Member since 8/12 425 total posts
Name:
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Oh you gotta be kidding me ..... (shower related)
I don't think you should call and explain/apologize. You said they know the reason already. The past is the past. Even if I was hurt that someone in my life chose not to attend an important even for me, I would not play the game of well then I won't attend yours. That's just childish, imo.
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| Posted 4/8/13 1:57 PM |
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Lillies
Grateful for my babies!
Member since 2/12 4571 total posts
Name:
<3
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Re: Oh you gotta be kidding me ..... (shower related)
Posted by jennielee15
Posted by PennyCat
Thanks, we did hear through the grapevine that they are still insulted and would likely not come.
Honestly don't pay attention to anything you hear through the "grapevine".... People can be such drama starters!!! Enjoy your pregnancy and ignore stupidity!!!
Crashing but YESS- DO NOT LISTEN TO THE GRAPEVINE!!!! lol Some family members can be real $hit stirrers! If I were you and I have family just like yours, I would invite them still.. be the one who is starting a new and keeping only positiviity around you. You are keeping your karma clean! If they don't show, that is their business and childish karma to deal with. As others said, they honestly don't get what you have gone through and no one could ever know except you. Just keep a light heart about it and make it a positive, happy experience! You deserve it!
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| Posted 4/8/13 1:57 PM |
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Pomegranate5
LIF Adult
Member since 2/11 4798 total posts
Name:
Pomegranate5
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Re: Oh you gotta be kidding me ..... (shower related)
They knew at the time your reasons for not coming to their showers. It's pretty heartless to hold that against you. I probably would have sent them a gift, but that is irrelevant now.
I would invite them, let them decline (if that's going to make them feel better), and then clear the air after the fact. Your kids are all very close in age and will grow up together so in the grand scheme of things your shower isn't really important - it's what happens after that when your DS is born that matters. Hopefully you can resolve things and move forward.
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| Posted 4/8/13 1:58 PM |
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DiamondGirl
You are my I love you
Member since 7/09 18802 total posts
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DiamondMama
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Re: Oh you gotta be kidding me ..... (shower related)
A friend of mine wa having trouble getting pregant around the time of my shower and did not attend. I TOTALLY understood, a few months later when it was time for her shower I was happy to attend.
She never apologized or said anything but I knew about her struggling for about a year to have a baby so there was no need for explanation or apology, honestly they shouldnt need an apology or explanation from you and your DH, that is absurd, if they don't get it I dont think it would make any difference even with an apology or explantion honestly. 
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| Posted 4/8/13 2:00 PM |
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PennyCat
Just call me mommy :)
Member since 7/08 19084 total posts
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Jib
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Re: Oh you gotta be kidding me ..... (shower related)
Posted by Pomegranate5
They knew at the time your reasons for not coming to their showers. It's pretty heartless to hold that against you. I probably would have sent them a gift, but that is irrelevant now.
I would invite them, let them decline (if that's going to make them feel better), and then clear the air after the fact. Your kids are all very close in age and will grow up together so in the grand scheme of things your shower isn't really important - it's what happens after that when your DS is born that matters. Hopefully you can resolve things and move forward.
I absolutely agree, I even posted earlier I mainly just want things to be settled so our kids can all be friends without any weirdness between the parents.
Just as much as they are hurt I didn't come to their events, I'm hurt if they (supposedly) can't put their feelings aside and come to mine. I think this is all such nonsense, really. I think we'll just have to agree to disagree and hopefully just move on. In my eyes they're wrong, and in their eyes I'm wrong.. I don't think there will be any changing of peoples minds here..... blah such ridiculousness because what this is REALLY about is my baby. Like it was said before, this tit for tat stuff is pretty dumb.
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| Posted 4/8/13 2:04 PM |
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MRsFaTThead
NY GIRL IN TEXAS
Member since 6/10 5483 total posts
Name:
WHO GIVES A POO WHO GIVES A FUDGE !!
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Re: Oh you gotta be kidding me ..... (shower related)
Posted by Pray4Baby2010
I did go to my gf's shower and to visit when her girls were born- but I am allowed to be hurt that she missed a big life event for me too. I would never call her selfish for it, so I'm not sure why its appropriate for me to be called selfish.
imo being hurt by someone not attending a shower is one thing and understandable but not showing up because they didn't come to yours is crazy givin her situation.
i could never everrrrrrrrrr do this to someone who's had such a hard time with IF and multiple losses.
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| Posted 4/8/13 2:08 PM |
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jennielee15
Let's try this again....
Member since 7/11 2269 total posts
Name:
Jennie
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Re: Oh you gotta be kidding me ..... (shower related)
Posted by MRsFaTThead
Posted by Pray4Baby2010
I did go to my gf's shower and to visit when her girls were born- but I am allowed to be hurt that she missed a big life event for me too. I would never call her selfish for it, so I'm not sure why its appropriate for me to be called selfish.
imo being hurt by someone not attending a shower is one thing and understandable but not showing up because they didn't come to yours is crazy givin her situation.
i could never everrrrrrrrrr do this to someone who's had such a hard time with IF and multiple losses.
I agree, but as I have stated before this is all hearsay and we don't even know if they are planning not to attend.....Invite them and then go from there....If they don't attend, you are right they are jerks, but if they do then this could all just be family drama that was blown completely out of proportion!!!
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| Posted 4/8/13 2:13 PM |
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Hope4baby13
LIF Toddler
Member since 12/12 411 total posts
Name:
un
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Oh you gotta be kidding me ..... (shower related)
This is all hearsay too...they didn't say it directly to you did they?
If so then i think you know what to do as you kinda answered it yourself.
I'm also set on one side of this - if people can't be happy for you then you shouldn't surround yourself with them.
If they are good, caring people who can think about others and not just themselves then they will be there. If not, they won't and the energy in the room will be fantastic - full of people who want to celebrate your happiness and the new baby that will be coming.
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| Posted 4/8/13 2:16 PM |
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Oh you gotta be kidding me ..... (shower related)
I have to say after reading the responses and what you have said I have to agree, I wouldn't call and apologize. Maybe just calling to say hi and try to throw in that you hope they make it to the shower. But by NO MEANS do you owe them an apology.
And the GRAPEVINE?!?!?! I can't tell you on the board what I would like to do that to the grapevine!!! That grapevine will cause more problems than what you need right now. You could be racking your brain and having endless conversations about all of this and in their head they are already going and know what gift they want to buy. I live by a new rule which is "never make decisions for other people". It's almost like the "assume" saying. If I were to think "ok this person isn't going to come to this party because of this" I might end up adding insult to injury when that person did in fact plan on attending.
Try not to get upset over this, invite them, and then see what happens. IF they knew why you couldn't bring yourself to go to their showers and they cared about you this whole topic is null and void. An amazing gift as been given to you, try to enjoy it and not stress over some things you just don't have control over. Only you have to live with the decisions you make, no one else.
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| Posted 4/8/13 2:21 PM |
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cateyemm
Twins!
Member since 7/10 8027 total posts
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Re: Oh you gotta be kidding me ..... (shower related)
Don't even give this any more thought. Invite them. The ball is in their court. You may be pleasantly surprised. If not, take it from there.
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| Posted 4/8/13 2:25 PM |
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PennyCat
Just call me mommy :)
Member since 7/08 19084 total posts
Name:
Jib
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Re: Oh you gotta be kidding me ..... (shower related)
Posted by ourlivesstartnow2012
An amazing gift as been given to you, try to enjoy it and not stress over some things you just don't have control over. Only you have to live with the decisions you make, no one else.
absolutely 10000% agree... My dh just walked in the room and said to me .. "We're forgetting one big thing here ... we're having a BABY!!!" I couldn't agree more, the rest is such bull. Besides, everyone else is so excited to be celebrating. I feel guilty for letting a few (possible) naysayers get in the way of my excitement.
About the grapevine though, I got it from a reliable grape  but whatever we'll see what happens.
eta: I'm inviting them and was planning on it from the start
Message edited 4/8/2013 2:33:36 PM.
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| Posted 4/8/13 2:31 PM |
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jennielee15
Let's try this again....
Member since 7/11 2269 total posts
Name:
Jennie
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Re: Oh you gotta be kidding me ..... (shower related)
Posted by PennyCat
Posted by ourlivesstartnow2012
An amazing gift as been given to you, try to enjoy it and not stress over some things you just don't have control over. Only you have to live with the decisions you make, no one else.
absolutely 10000% agree... My dh just walked in the room and said to me .. "We're forgetting one big thing here ... we're having a BABY!!!" I couldn't agree more, the rest is such bull. Besides, everyone else is so excited to be celebrating. I feel guilty for letting a few (possible) naysayers get in the way of my excitement.
About the grapevine though, I got it from a reliable grape but whatever we'll see what happens.
eta: I'm inviting them and was planning on it from the start
A reliable grape!!! haha!
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| Posted 4/8/13 2:39 PM |
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Maybe-Baybe
My Sunshine
Member since 7/12 3415 total posts
Name:
My only Sunshine
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Re: Oh you gotta be kidding me ..... (shower related)
I would invite them and hope for the best. As far as apologizing, I don't know. I'm typically a peacemaker so I think I may say something about how I'm sorry I didn't attend because of x,y,z. Maybe they understand why you didn't go, but need to hear it from you?
Then again, I'm not in your shoes so who knows what I would do! Just my view looking from the outside in.
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| Posted 4/8/13 2:51 PM |
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Lara&Aidansmommy
For mom i miss u ETC ILOVEU
Member since 3/07 13921 total posts
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ETC I LOVE YOU
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Re: Oh you gotta be kidding me ..... (shower related)
Who cares if they dont show up. The people that do attend you know will be there 100% because they love you, dh and your lil If they are going to be that spiteful you didnt attend theirs. Let their asses stay at home!
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| Posted 4/8/13 2:51 PM |
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CaseyGirl
Mommy to 3 Boys :)
Member since 5/05 19978 total posts
Name:
Jen - counting my blessings...
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Re: Oh you gotta be kidding me ..... (shower related)
I think that is extremely petty of them since they are aware of the reasons you did not go to theirs..I say better off without that negativity present at your shower  Eff them.
NO ONE from my mom's side of the family came to my baby shower for my DS...gave all sorts of BS exscuses and my mom was so hurt (we still don't know really why)...and I could care less because I had my good friends and family there and that was what mattered to me. I felt bad for my mom of course but I enjoyed my day regardless..
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| Posted 4/8/13 2:54 PM |
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cateyemm
Twins!
Member since 7/10 8027 total posts
Name:
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Re: Oh you gotta be kidding me ..... (shower related)
Posted by PennyCat
absolutely 10000% agree... My dh just walked in the room and said to me .. "We're forgetting one big thing here ... we're having a BABY!!!"
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| Posted 4/8/13 2:56 PM |
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kahlua716
3 Girls for Me!
Member since 8/07 12475 total posts
Name:
Keri
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Re: Oh you gotta be kidding me ..... (shower related)
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| Posted 4/8/13 3:21 PM |
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hope417
LIF Adolescent
Member since 6/12 718 total posts
Name:
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Oh you gotta be kidding me ..... (shower related)
Here's my 2 cents for what its worth. I had some friends who while I was going through my hard times with losses, didn't know how to deal with me, and so they didn't. Then when I became pregnant and things were progressing in the right direction, everyone comes out of the wood work with calls on how I'm doing etc...
I ended up letting it go and taking them for who they are. Are they my best friends in the world? no. Would I call them if I needed them? no. I'd reach out to those who were there through it all. If you can't be there and understand the bad, you don't get all the good :)
I think you should invite them as a courtesy as PP have said, and leave it up to them to decide. After everything you have been through, if they can't put their feelings aside and be happy for you and come and celebrate this blessing, then do you really want them there in the first place?
JMHO!
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| Posted 4/8/13 3:33 PM |
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Hoping4Baby11
Live life to the fullest!,
Member since 1/11 2140 total posts
Name:
Jenn
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Re: Oh you gotta be kidding me ..... (shower related)
WOW! I think that it's pretty childish and petty that they are thinking " Well if she didn't come to mine I'm not going to hers" pretty immature if you ask me. I wouldn't worry about them..knowing what you have gone through if they can't understand it's their problem not yours. You are going to have people there who care and love you and have been with you every step in your journey. Please don't sweat it..don't let them stress you out at all!!! 
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| Posted 4/8/13 3:43 PM |
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DaniJude
You're My Home <3
Member since 11/06 14815 total posts
Name:
Danielle
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Re: Oh you gotta be kidding me ..... (shower related)
Posted by cateyemm
Don't even give this any more thought. Invite them. The ball is in their court. You may be pleasantly surprised. If not, take it from there.
And I'm sorry you even have to go through all of this
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| Posted 4/8/13 4:08 PM |
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KGools
Happy
Member since 9/06 9532 total posts
Name:
Kim
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Re: Oh you gotta be kidding me ..... (shower related)
I would leave it be. No sense in groveling or explaining what they already know.
Did you send gift to them despite the fact that you didn't go to their showers?
I would still send them invitations and be done with it.
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| Posted 4/8/13 4:12 PM |
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MegZee
My bunny
Member since 5/06 8777 total posts
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Meaghan
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Re: Oh you gotta be kidding me ..... (shower related)
I would invite them, if they come they come if they don't they don't.
I can empathize with both viewpoints. I can completely understand with you not going to their showers, however you should have at least sent a card/gift, IMO.
The I'm not going to your shower bc u didn't go to mine is pretty childish though. Especially other family members joining in. I wouldn't call and apologize if they know why you didn't go already. Just send out invites and enjoy the day with the people that are there sharing it with you
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| Posted 4/8/13 4:23 PM |
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neener1211
:-)
Member since 4/07 22952 total posts
Name:
J
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Re: Oh you gotta be kidding me ..... (shower related)
I would invite them, if they didn't come, it's their loss.
And to that grapevine, if it comes up again, I'd mention the reason for your not going to the other showers to that specific grape. Most likely the grape is all about splattering gossip, that they'll get that message to those 'offended'. If they still don't come, oh well, enjoy your day and forget about those who are holding grudges. Totally not worth your worry.
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| Posted 4/8/13 4:39 PM |
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lucky1007
My Princess is Here!
Member since 11/11 1131 total posts
Name:
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Re: Oh you gotta be kidding me ..... (shower related)
I wouldn't not attend someone's shower because they didn't attend mine, that's ridiculously childish. I make my decisions bc I have to live with them. I don't base them off of others actions.
If cousins are being petty, you would think the aunts would get involved to talk some sense.
I would NOT call and say anything you shouldn't have to explain yourself unless of course you really feel bad and want them to understand. At the same time, I feel like they will take it as "oh you're only apologizing bc you want me to come and buy you gifts".
I would def invite them because if you don't you know they'll talk about that too so take the high road, invite them and let their decision sit with them.
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| Posted 4/8/13 4:42 PM |
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