Negative Comments

Hi Im Jamie, new to the boards. My husband and I were just married in May but are going to TTC in October. We haven't told our family yet because everytime we mention the topic we get "you better not even be thinking about it" or "I can't be a grandparent yet".

Has anyone else gotten this? It's starting to make me worried that when I do get pregnant that noone will be happy for us.

Thanks for any advice in advance and lots of baby dust for everyone!

Re: Negative Comments

Actually before TTC, all I heard were negative comments about waiting or not having children. Now, I guess I am more sensitive to the TTC comments. We are not telling anyone either but the other day DH mentioned something about wanting babies and his mother said: "dont do anything stupid without any stability"



Oh well, I am sure when it actually happens everyone will be happy for us or at least have the sense to keep their mouths shut

Re: Negative Comments

Our families can't wait for grandkids. If anything, I get the annoying pressure from them. (They don't know we're about to start TTC).

We've gotten the negative comments from people who don't really know us....people who tell us to wait as long as possible, or tell us how life changes (for the worse) with kids. But hey, these are probably the same people who had negative things to say about marriage when we got engaged...and 2 years later, we're still happy.

Re: Negative Comments

My Dad made comments like that at first. It was for two reasons: 1) I'm his oldest daughter and he raised me. He is worried that once I have kids I'll give up on my career and everything I've worked hard for; 2) He doesn't have a lot of money and wanted to retire first so he'll be able to help us more. I've eased his concerns on #1 and he has retired. His tune has definitely changed and I think he's excited now. He even made mention of wanting a boy in the family.

MIL is excited. She doesn't ask a lot of questions but she writes down names when she hears ones we might like and is already planning to babysit when I go back to work. FIL doesn't have much to say on anything so I don't know how he feels.

Once you get a BFP, everyone will be very excited. Parents just tend to be a little over-protective and want the best for their children.

Re: Negative Comments

We haven't gotten any negative comments... but then again, we haven't gotten ANY comments! It's very strange actually... neither my parents nor DH's ever bring up the subject of us having kids. They are def not the typical parents who constantly beg for grandkids! I guess it's good in a way, b/c there's no pressure... but at the same time it would be nice if they mentioned it once in a while to show that they are at least looking forward to the day! DH's parents already have two grandchildren (but they aren't that close with them due to issues with their son-in-law), but my parents don't have any. They are in their early-mid 60s... they can't possibly think they're too young to be grandparents, could they?? LOL

Re: Negative Comments

Yes I hear it all the time but when we are ready I dont care what any one has to say its my decision not theirs and its selfish of them to think of themselves its not about them its about us and the decision we are making for ourselves

Re: Negative Comments

Try not to let any of that get to you
People have an innate tendency to make comments about things they know nothing about, and stick their nose into business that is not theirs..friends and family alike.

you guys do what you want to do, and when the time comes.. i'm sure your family will be thrilled with the BFP

don't let 'em get you down!

Re: Negative Comments

Our family is very excited for us, as well as the few friends that we told..... but..

There's ONE friend of mine who ALWAYS says negative comments about the idea of me having a baby.... saying how "I don't need that kind of stress" ... and other comments.

She has a VERY different lifestyle from me. She isn't married and goes from one fling to the next..... I never judge her and the decisions she makes because I know I just CANNOT relate to anything she does. Unfortunately, she doesn't bring forth that same maturity and still manages to judge everything I do, despite the fact that she is in a totally different place in her life and can't relate to mine.

Basically, I just stopped talking to her about it. When she does bring it up, I answer her honestly and assume she will make negative comments. There are so many people in our lives who support the decisions that we make. When we actually DO get pregnant, she will not be one of the first people I tell

Re: Negative Comments

I've never gotten negative comments. It's really none of anyone's business what you do. And when it does happen, unless you're ridiculously young or in financial shambles, I'm sure they will be happy for you.

Re: Negative Comments

Thanks everyone. I know i shouldn't let people infulence our decision. We are 25 and 27 yrs old. We've been together for 6 years and are just ready to add to our family. We aren't in the best place financially but in no means struggling. I think it just hurts most because it comes from my mom. She would be the person I would hope to be most excited. But I guess I should have seen this coming when growing up she always told me not to get married or have kids

Thanks Again!

Re: Negative Comments

my advice: keep your private life... private. People will be less inclined to criticize a pregnant woman than one who is ttc.

good luck

Re: Negative Comments

DH never told anyone that we were trying to have a baby. We get pressure from both sides. at my bridal shower my mil got me a figurine of 3 dogs pulling a sled. (i have 3 dogs) I made a comment like "they are my babies" and i hear the MIL say "we'll have to change that" I pretended that i didn't hear her.

Just do what you can to make you happy.

Re: Negative Comments

you do whatever you want and what makes you happy. don't listen to anyone!!!

Re: Negative Comments

Welcome and lots of for you guys.
It's your decision and no one else's!

Re: Negative Comments

We never told anyone we were trying. FIL made comments like that whenever the word baby would be mentioned. He would tell us to wait, enjoy marriage, bla bla. But, when we did get pregnant and we told him, he was very excited and never made a neg comment. When I lost the baby he was very upset and now I feel like he can't wait for us to get pregnant again and have a baby. Try not to pay too much mind to negative comments, some people just don't think before they talk

Re: Negative Comments

When people have nothing nice to say, they say stupid things - sorry

It is a decision for YOU and DH - that is it
It is so rude and really out of line for anyone to say anything about it - I went through it (not with my family) but people just dont know when to keep their mouths shut

If anyone said to me, "I cant be a grandparent yet", i would say "do you want me to wait until your gone?"

sorry, but that is how i feel -

Re: Negative Comments

We get both comments. One side of the family keeps saying...."come on I want a another grandbaby" and then the other half says "dont you think its a little soon!" but honestly I just ignore it. Were both in our 30's and its none of there business and Im def not telling them anything until the bun is in the oven

Re: Negative Comments

Every time I mention something around my dad he says, "Don't do yourselves any favors!" What does that even mean, LOL! My mom kinda doesn't mention anything. I don't think she thinks we are going to try anytime soon. We are moving out of state, and into a small one bedroom apt. It was all we could find, and we need to move quick for DH's job. So my mom said the landlord knows you aren't ready to have kids, your renting a one bedroom. So I am glad we knocked them off our trail. MIL thinks it will happen soon, but wants us to wait to be a little more settled. We aren't telling our parents when we start TTC. We don't want to hear the comments. I talk about it with my Best Friend, and my cousin who is like my sister.
I don't want too many ppl to know so if we have trouble there won't be added stress. Plus it is not any of their business if we are ready or not. We are keeping tight lipped until we are preggo. Then we will find some fun way to tell them. I think no matter what they say they will be excited when you are.