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PennyCat
Just call me mommy :)
Member since 7/08 19084 total posts
Name:
Jib
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Need advice on this situation, please!!! Bridesmaid DRAMA
So, I'm in this bridal party and since the wedding is coming up in a few months, we're starting to plan the bridal shower and bachelorette party.
For some history, I really do NOT like the other two girls in the bridal party. Our personalities completely clash and I find both of them to be loud and obnoxious  which is NOTHING like my friend who is getting married. I actually have no idea WHAT she sees in them.. but that's besides the point..
So, we're planning the bridal shower. Or should I say, THEY are planning the bridal shower. They send emails around that go to all of us but decisions get made even before I am able to respond, even if I just received the email that day.
With the bridal shower, it's going to cost $250 for each of us (each BM and the mother- so split 4 ways) This includes the cost of the shower PLUS a seperate room for the husbands to stay and eat, etc. I have never heard of this but the place is already booked so I feel like I have no say Has anyone ever heard of having a sep room for the husbands?!?!?
Anyway the other thing that REALLY annoys me is the MOH sent out an email to me and the other BM asking if we want to all get in on a gift for the bride. She then goes on to say "If so, Lisa do you have any preferences or anything in mind?" That's the name of the other BM. Ummm .. what about me?! She's asking both of us if we want to get in on a gift and then asks the OTHER girl if she had anything in mind! Ugh it just annoys me.
I feel like I'm not involved at all and they just want me to help front the bill. I can't wait till this wedding is over.  
My question is......... how do I respond to the email about when the MOH asked the OTHER BM if she had any preferences for a gift after asking both of us if she wanted to get in on it. That just really got me!!
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Posted 3/11/10 6:24 PM  |
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Mrs007
Im obsessed w my lil man!
Member since 3/09 2528 total posts
Name:
K
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Re: Need advice on this situation, please!!! Bridesmaid DRAMA
First off, I am sorry you have to deal with this.
Second, have you said anything to the other girls about feeling left out? Are you making any suggestions like, place to hold shower? A particular gift you see on the brides registry that you know she will love? If you are not saying anything to these girls, they are just going to keep on taking control and just assume you will be ok with everything they decide.
If the shower place is too much money, you need to say something to the girls before the planning goes any further. I had one of my BM call me the next day after my shower b*tching about the rest of the bridal party and how my shower "cost alot, ALOT of money....more than she was willing to spend." She never once spoke up and said anything to any of the other girls in my bridal party and they were all shocked that she made that call to me. She even went as far as to say she thought that two of the other girls didnt contribute money and that it was only being split 3 ways as opposed to 5. Not something an already stressed out bride wants to hear just months before her wedding.
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| Posted 3/11/10 6:36 PM |
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Mrs007
Im obsessed w my lil man!
Member since 3/09 2528 total posts
Name:
K
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Re: Need advice on this situation, please!!! Bridesmaid DRAMA
Posted by PennyCat
My question is......... how do I respond to the email about when the MOH asked the OTHER BM if she had any preferences for a gift after asking both of us if she wanted to get in on it. That just really got me!!
Just respond to all and say, "Well I know she would like this gift off her registry. I will pick it up if you girls want"
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| Posted 3/11/10 6:38 PM |
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Kara
Now Zagat Rated!
Member since 3/07 13217 total posts
Name:
They call me "Tater Salad"
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Re: Need advice on this situation, please!!! Bridesmaid DRAMA
Posted by PennyCat
My question is......... how do I respond to the email about when the MOH asked the OTHER BM if she had any preferences for a gift after asking both of us if she wanted to get in on it. That just really got me!!
Just say you already had something in mind for a personal gift just from you and aren't interested in going inon a BP gift. I wouldn't bother arguing with her over the propriety of the email. She won't ever "get it."
And I'd get a gift just from you. I had a big BP and not all of the girls went in on one gift (a few did). It didn't seem odd or bother me in the least -- and there were no hard feelings in my BP that I am aware of.
I'd just do your own thing and try not to let these girls get to you (as annoying as it must be)!
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| Posted 3/11/10 6:39 PM |
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PennyCat
Just call me mommy :)
Member since 7/08 19084 total posts
Name:
Jib
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Re: Need advice on this situation, please!!! Bridesmaid DRAMA
Posted by Mrs007
First off, I am sorry you have to deal with this.
Second, have you said anything to the other girls about feeling left out? Are you making any suggestions like, place to hold shower? A particular gift you see on the brides registry that you know she will love? If you are not saying anything to these girls, they are just going to keep on taking control and just assume you will be ok with everything they decide.
If the shower place is too much money, you need to say something to the girls before the planning goes any further. I had one of my BM call me the next day after my shower b*tching about the rest of the bridal party and how my shower "cost alot, ALOT of money....more than she was willing to spend." She never once spoke up and said anything to any of the other girls in my bridal party and they were all shocked that she made that call to me. She even went as far as to say she thought that two of the other girls didnt contribute money and that it was only being split 3 ways as opposed to 5. Not something an already stressed out bride wants to hear just months before her wedding.
I know what you're saying. As far as contributing recommendations for places, it's actually going to be in NJ where the other two girls are from. Instead of laying out options to ME they basically took it upon themselves to find a place, email me that they found a place, and 6 hours later emailed me that they booked it and what it would cost! 
The gift thing is what REALLY turned me off though because it confirmed that they don't see me as an active member in the bridal party. How should I respond to that email? I want to address that I feel completely left out, but I don't want to appear 'whiney'
ETA: thanks, I saw you responded above- but I still do want to address the wording of the email because it got me so mad! Should I just drop it?
Message edited 3/11/2010 6:43:00 PM.
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| Posted 3/11/10 6:41 PM |
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PennyCat
Just call me mommy :)
Member since 7/08 19084 total posts
Name:
Jib
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Re: Need advice on this situation, please!!! Bridesmaid DRAMA
Posted by Kara
Posted by PennyCat
My question is......... how do I respond to the email about when the MOH asked the OTHER BM if she had any preferences for a gift after asking both of us if she wanted to get in on it. That just really got me!!
Just say you already had something in mind for a personal gift just from you and aren't interested in going inon a BP gift. I wouldn't bother arguing with her over the propriety of the email. She won't ever "get it."
And I'd get a gift just from you. I had a big BP and not all of the girls went in on one gift (a few did). It didn't seem odd or bother me in the least -- and there were no hard feelings in my BP that I am aware of.
I'd just do your own thing and try not to let these girls get to you (as annoying as it must be)!
Thanks I agree with that advice. Though, I was hoping someone would respond and tell me to respond with with something snarky!    I hate to fuel drama but my biggest pet peeve is feeling left out especially if I'm paying a big portion- and I just want her to know that that was wrong But yea, probably best to drop it. Ugh.
Can you tell I'm annoyed?
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| Posted 3/11/10 6:45 PM |
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Kate
*****
Member since 5/05 7557 total posts
Name:
Kate
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Re: Need advice on this situation, please!!! Bridesmaid DRAMA
Paying for the husbands to eat is completely ridiculous. I would ask how much that is going to cost, and tell them you will not be contributing to that.
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| Posted 3/11/10 6:50 PM |
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CCMommy
EVERYTHING CHANGES
Member since 12/07 2528 total posts
Name:
CC's Mommy
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Re: Need advice on this situation, please!!! Bridesmaid DRAMA
I would just get my own seperate gift and forget them.
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| Posted 3/11/10 6:52 PM |
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Kara
Now Zagat Rated!
Member since 3/07 13217 total posts
Name:
They call me "Tater Salad"
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Re: Need advice on this situation, please!!! Bridesmaid DRAMA
I would be annoyed, too! 
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| Posted 3/11/10 6:56 PM |
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jewels
Stop and smell the flowers
Member since 7/06 1538 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need advice on this situation, please!!! Bridesmaid DRAMA
If you want to give the bride a gift from all of you (despite how you feel about these girls) then I would respond with something like "Sure I'll contribute but I'd like to be involved in picking out the gift also." I think with girls like that you just need to be direct. For your friend's sake I'd keep it polite. If you don't really think it matters whether or not you give the bride a joint gift then just go off on your own. It'll probably be less agrevating anyway. But if you want to make a point to them that you should be included more then you may want to consider the first choice.
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| Posted 3/11/10 7:11 PM |
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MC09
arrrghhh!!!!
Member since 2/09 5674 total posts
Name:
Me speaks pirate!
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Re: Need advice on this situation, please!!! Bridesmaid DRAMA
I would just get my own gift, no reason why you need to go in on a gift with people you don't even like!
As for the men eating, I have heard that before but I don't think it's too common... And no reason why you need to front that bill either... Showers are for women, why should you pay for men to eat too when it's already costing you to feed the guests! They can order a pizza! If it were a jack and jill shower and men were invited too then that's different cuz they'd be guests.... I would just tell them not to include you in that and pay the difference... If they don't like it oh well... You don't even like them anyway!
Speak up or they will walk all over you!
Sorry you have to go through this.. I've been in the same situation so I know what you're going through.
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| Posted 3/11/10 7:15 PM |
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Mrs007
Im obsessed w my lil man!
Member since 3/09 2528 total posts
Name:
K
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Re: Need advice on this situation, please!!! Bridesmaid DRAMA
Posted by PennyCat
Posted by Mrs007
First off, I am sorry you have to deal with this.
Second, have you said anything to the other girls about feeling left out? Are you making any suggestions like, place to hold shower? A particular gift you see on the brides registry that you know she will love? If you are not saying anything to these girls, they are just going to keep on taking control and just assume you will be ok with everything they decide.
If the shower place is too much money, you need to say something to the girls before the planning goes any further. I had one of my BM call me the next day after my shower b*tching about the rest of the bridal party and how my shower "cost alot, ALOT of money....more than she was willing to spend." She never once spoke up and said anything to any of the other girls in my bridal party and they were all shocked that she made that call to me. She even went as far as to say she thought that two of the other girls didnt contribute money and that it was only being split 3 ways as opposed to 5. Not something an already stressed out bride wants to hear just months before her wedding.
I know what you're saying. As far as contributing recommendations for places, it's actually going to be in NJ where the other two girls are from. Instead of laying out options to ME they basically took it upon themselves to find a place, email me that they found a place, and 6 hours later emailed me that they booked it and what it would cost!
The gift thing is what REALLY turned me off though because it confirmed that they don't see me as an active member in the bridal party. How should I respond to that email? I want to address that I feel completely left out, but I don't want to appear 'whiney'
ETA: thanks, I saw you responded above- but I still do want to address the wording of the email because it got me so mad! Should I just drop it?
Oh see thats tricky. Maybe they just assume since you are not from NJ that they know all the good places and it would be easier for them to pick? 
As for the gift, just drop it. You still need to deal with them at the shower, bachelorette party (if she is having one) and the wedding.
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| Posted 3/11/10 7:28 PM |
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MrsH2009
Thank you St. Gerard!
Member since 8/09 6631 total posts
Name:
M
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Re: Need advice on this situation, please!!! Bridesmaid DRAMA
I've never heard of a room for the husbands, they can't stay home or go to a bar? Why would they even want to be there? Anyway, I'd either suggest a gift or just give them money. It sucks, but for the brides sake, it's best not to cause any more drama.
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| Posted 3/11/10 7:29 PM |
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PennyCat
Just call me mommy :)
Member since 7/08 19084 total posts
Name:
Jib
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Re: Need advice on this situation, please!!! Bridesmaid DRAMA
Posted by MC09
I would just get my own gift, no reason why you need to go in on a gift with people you don't even like!
As for the men eating, I have heard that before but I don't think it's too common... And no reason why you need to front that bill either... Showers are for women, why should you pay for men to eat too when it's already costing you to feed the guests! They can order a pizza! If it were a jack and jill shower and men were invited too then that's different cuz they'd be guests.... I would just tell them not to include you in that and pay the difference... If they don't like it oh well... You don't even like them anyway!
Speak up or they will walk all over you!
Sorry you have to go through this.. I've been in the same situation so I know what you're going through.
This is what I am going to do. I just sent an email saying that I don't think it's necessary to have a 'husband room'... if they come back with an email saying they are doing it anyway, I will mention the issue of not wanting to pay for it. Totally ridiculous.....Oh! And she wants to get 10 bottles of $25 wine. It's a bridal shower brunch! 10-15 dollar bottles are FINE!!
Message edited 3/11/2010 7:48:39 PM.
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| Posted 3/11/10 7:48 PM |
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munchkinbugs
My little loves!
Member since 1/06 8093 total posts
Name:
Lisa
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Re: Need advice on this situation, please!!! Bridesmaid DRAMA
I would get my own gift if she doesn't want my input.
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| Posted 3/11/10 7:49 PM |
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MrsH2009
Thank you St. Gerard!
Member since 8/09 6631 total posts
Name:
M
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Re: Need advice on this situation, please!!! Bridesmaid DRAMA
Posted by PennyCat
Posted by MC09
I would just get my own gift, no reason why you need to go in on a gift with people you don't even like!
As for the men eating, I have heard that before but I don't think it's too common... And no reason why you need to front that bill either... Showers are for women, why should you pay for men to eat too when it's already costing you to feed the guests! They can order a pizza! If it were a jack and jill shower and men were invited too then that's different cuz they'd be guests.... I would just tell them not to include you in that and pay the difference... If they don't like it oh well... You don't even like them anyway!
Speak up or they will walk all over you!
Sorry you have to go through this.. I've been in the same situation so I know what you're going through.
This is what I am going to do. I just sent an email saying that I don't think it's necessary to have a 'husband room'... if they come back with an email saying they are doing it anyway, I will mention the issue of not wanting to pay for it. Totally ridiculous.....Oh! And she wants to get 10 bottles of $25 wine. It's a bridal shower brunch! 10-15 dollar bottles are FINE!!
Good for you, husband room is ridiculous. Give them directions to a bar they can pay their own way.
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| Posted 3/11/10 7:49 PM |
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KGools
Happy
Member since 9/06 9532 total posts
Name:
Kim
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Re: Need advice on this situation, please!!! Bridesmaid DRAMA
I'd probably be really immature and snarky and respond something like, "not that you asked me, but in case you were curious about MY opinion...."
For the rest, I'd just grin and bear it for your friend, the bride.
Good luck.
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| Posted 3/11/10 8:07 PM |
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PennyCat
Just call me mommy :)
Member since 7/08 19084 total posts
Name:
Jib
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Re: Need advice on this situation, please!!! Bridesmaid DRAMA
Posted by KGools
I'd probably be really immature and snarky and respond something like, "not that you asked me, but in case you were curious about MY opinion...."
For the rest, I'd just grin and bear it for your friend, the bride.
Good luck.
I wanted to be snarky.. but this was my response (copy and pasted):
Everything sounds fine to me except for the idea of including men in the headcount. I personally have never been to a shower where a separate room and food was provided to the men. Since they are really just dropping off the guests, I would be surprised if any of the men would want to make a concrete plan to stay at the shower the whole time. I think it makes more sense to just plan the shower for the women since they are the actual guests.
Also, I was confused by the wording in the email about if the question related to the gift was geared toward me or not - but just in case, I thought I would let you know I will be getting my own gift.
ETA: I went about it in a relatively non confrontational way, but making her aware that I noticed how the email was phrased.
Message edited 3/11/2010 8:14:48 PM.
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| Posted 3/11/10 8:13 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need advice on this situation, please!!! Bridesmaid DRAMA
You handled it really well.
I'd be really aggravated too. Never, never heard of the bridal party anteing up for a room for the men to hang out in. I agree with everyone else - tell them to go find a diner or a bar. Why should you have to pay for them?
I've been in bridal parties that were $250+ for showers so that doesn't sound over the top but these were large showers with a large wedding party.
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| Posted 3/11/10 8:51 PM |
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DiamondGirl
You are my I love you
Member since 7/09 18802 total posts
Name:
DiamondMama
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Re: Need advice on this situation, please!!! Bridesmaid DRAMA
They sound like jerks
I would get my own gift 
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| Posted 3/11/10 8:55 PM |
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Mommy2Boys
My Boys!!!!
Member since 6/06 14437 total posts
Name:
C
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Re: Need advice on this situation, please!!! Bridesmaid DRAMA
Posted by CCMommy
I would just get my own seperate gift and forget them.
I agree!
And no, I have never heard of the men eating in a sperate room. If it's at a restaurant with a bar, usually the guys hang out there or leave and come back to pick up the gifts.
I know your pain!
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| Posted 3/11/10 8:58 PM |
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Kara
Now Zagat Rated!
Member since 3/07 13217 total posts
Name:
They call me "Tater Salad"
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Re: Need advice on this situation, please!!! Bridesmaid DRAMA
I think you handled it really well.
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| Posted 3/11/10 9:27 PM |
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KittyGags
LIF Adult
Member since 7/09 5614 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need advice on this situation, please!!! Bridesmaid DRAMA
Has anyone ever been in a "happy" bridal party? This is sooooooo why I didn't have one!
Anyway, I wish I saw this earlier because I totally would've written something totes snarky back...along the lines of
"well thanks for asking my opinion since it obviously doesn't matter...but I guess I will just pick up what I know she is dying for myself. You and Lisa can pick your own gift! mauahahahhaha"
The husband room thing is RIDONK.
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| Posted 3/11/10 9:47 PM |
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Sandra1988
LIF Infant
Member since 3/10 58 total posts
Name:
Sandra
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Re: Need advice on this situation, please!!! Bridesmaid DRAMA
Posted by Kara
Just say you already had something in mind for a personal gift just from you and aren't interested in going inon a BP gift. I wouldn't bother arguing with her over the propriety of the email. She won't ever "get it."
QUOTE]
I could not agree more!
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| Posted 3/11/10 10:04 PM |
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longford73
Welcome to the world Baby Boy!
Member since 8/06 3127 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need advice on this situation, please!!! Bridesmaid DRAMA
Paying for the men
For my shower my father, brother, DH & a few of the other men (family) did eat in the other room and had a few drinks at the bar but they paid for it themselves. We also had it in my fathers cousins place so everyone knew each other.
You should tell those B's to go scratch.
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| Posted 3/12/10 3:32 PM |
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