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DSLaff
Team One of Each
Member since 10/09 2150 total posts
Name:
Dana
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Re: Need advice
I would run a tab and have the punch. I personally think if you have party you should cover the food and drinks. People drink alcohol bc they like it just like iced tea, water or soda ,,, its not about needing an alcohol fix.
Message edited 5/1/2013 2:43:31 PM.
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Posted 5/1/13 2:42 PM  |
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Sparrow
LIF Adult
Member since 11/10 6826 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need advice
Posted by Beachgirl59
Posted by AllyMally
I think when you have kids is the time to put your foot down. Yea the wedding was a mess because of him, but this is not about you or your DH this is about your DS. I would do this. If you haven't already invited people above and beyond I would say to FIL Look we do it small and that's what we want. If you want it larger that's fine, but we can not see spending that kind of money on a Christening. If you already invited people then put your foot down now and say Look this is to much. We are uncomfortable with this many people and the expense. This is a day about celebrating DS NOT about the number of people there. We are having XYZ for food and punch. If anyone wants a drink they will be able to purchase one at the bar.
Wedding cash bar- tacky as all helll
Christening cash bar- why even serve alcohol? I don't get it. Just because you're old enough to drink doesn't mean you HAVE to have alcohol at every.single.function. I promise people will not die from punch, water, juice, coffee.
EXACTLY!! Thank you! I've had it with his demands. I purposely said to him yesterday that this is costing us more then we can afford right now, giving him every opportunity to say "hey, let me help out" but NOPE! Just continued to say "well...if you could invite this person it would really mean a lot" and then suggesting to add beer and wine which i right away said no to.
ITA with Ally and secondly OMG, are you serious? 
Have you invited people yet? If no, I would seriously cancel and do the party on a small scale like YOU want it. FIL sounds like a jerk (to put it nicely) and I think you need to start putting your foot down now. If he were footing the entire bill (since you only have 8 people from your side going and he's the one pushing for this, I'd only do it if he paid for it all) then it would be different. Even if he were only paying part I'd still say his demands are ballsy. But with him paying nothing? That is way out of line and I wouldn't let him keep pulling this shit. Let him throw HIS parties how he wants and you do the same.
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| Posted 5/1/13 2:57 PM |
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ali120206
2 Boys
Member since 7/06 17795 total posts
Name:
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Need advice
I would set up the party you want and say if you want to add more people, you have to contribute and tell him it's more than you wanted to spend and can't justify the cost...
ILs invited a ton of people to both kids christenings but, they gave us $$ towards it to cover their guests (and a little more)...
We had beer and wine and ran a tab for alcohol separately (mostly for ILs friends since ours were too busy chasing their kids).
Message edited 5/1/2013 3:01:36 PM.
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| Posted 5/1/13 3:00 PM |
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Traysee
LIF Adolescent
Member since 12/10 652 total posts
Name:
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Need advice
If I was going to your party, punch would be fine by me. I wouldn't think a thing about it. And if he says another word about the alcohol, I would tell him he needs to contribute money if he wants to have an opinion. Tell him exactly how much that will be.
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| Posted 5/1/13 3:53 PM |
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KwaaksNest
Love my boys!
Member since 6/10 2825 total posts
Name:
Samantha
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Need advice
im having a cash bar at my sons christening...i've always had to pay for a drink if i wanted it at a christening, and even most showers
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| Posted 5/1/13 5:37 PM |
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AllyMally
LIF Adolescent
Member since 1/13 881 total posts
Name:
Alyson
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Re: Need advice
Posted by DSLaff
I would run a tab and have the punch. I personally think if you have party you should cover the food and drinks. People drink alcohol bc they like it just like iced tea, water or soda ,,, its not about needing an alcohol fix.
Alcohol is expensive. It's not the same as iced tea, water or soda. If you want a drink that isn't offered and is alcoholic then buy it just the same as maybe you would have to buy an orange juice if juice isn't included. There has to be a limit and if the party is already getting out of hand with the number of guests this is a way to cut costs. If you can't have a meal without having alcohol or go to an event expecting alcohol that's an issue I think. It's a Christening not a bachelor party.
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| Posted 5/1/13 9:26 PM |
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nferrandi
too excited for words
Member since 10/05 18538 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: Need advice
Posted by AllyMally
Posted by DSLaff
I would run a tab and have the punch. I personally think if you have party you should cover the food and drinks. People drink alcohol bc they like it just like iced tea, water or soda ,,, its not about needing an alcohol fix.
Alcohol is expensive. It's not the same as iced tea, water or soda. If you want a drink that isn't offered and is alcoholic then buy it just the same as maybe you would have to buy an orange juice if juice isn't included. There has to be a limit and if the party is already getting out of hand with the number of guests this is a way to cut costs. If you can't have a meal without having alcohol or go to an event expecting alcohol that's an issue I think. It's a Christening not a bachelor party.
Look, I don't think there's anything wrong with her having a cash bar if its too much of an expense to pay for alcohol. That said, I don't believe that wanting a cocktail or glass of wine with your meal is an indicator of an issue. Nor do I think it's an issue to expect alcohol. This may be different for different people, but everyone I know would expect some sort of drinks- punch or wine and beer would be fine.
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| Posted 5/1/13 11:06 PM |
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DSLaff
Team One of Each
Member since 10/09 2150 total posts
Name:
Dana
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Re: Need advice
Posted by AllyMally
Posted by DSLaff
I would run a tab and have the punch. I personally think if you have party you should cover the food and drinks. People drink alcohol bc they like it just like iced tea, water or soda ,,, its not about needing an alcohol fix.
Alcohol is expensive. It's not the same as iced tea, water or soda. If you want a drink that isn't offered and is alcoholic then buy it just the same as maybe you would have to buy an orange juice if juice isn't included. There has to be a limit and if the party is already getting out of hand with the number of guests this is a way to cut costs. If you can't have a meal without having alcohol or go to an event expecting alcohol that's an issue I think. It's a Christening not a bachelor party.
i respectfully disagree. The fact that you associate alcohol with a bach party clearly means we have totally diff opinions regarding alcohol. my guess would be that culturally Americans associate alcohol with getting drunk the rest of the world does not. while yes alcohol is expensive so is food and a party. my personal opinion which is what the OP is asking from everyone is if you throw a party with many diff people you should provide food and drinks including alcohol if i can not afford all those aspects i PERSONALLY would not throw a party.
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| Posted 5/2/13 8:43 AM |
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JennZ
MY LIFE!!
Member since 8/05 25463 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need advice
See giving him this power of who to invite was your first mistake. This is YOUR child. This should go the way YOU want. End of story.
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| Posted 5/2/13 8:58 AM |
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Need advice
My parents paid for DS' Christening dinner at a restaurant even though DH's family is way bigger and made up most of the guest list (My mom insisted on doing this though because we couldn't decide where to have it otherwise). They did not get a drink package and were not going to pay for anyone's drinks initially however at the last minute they decided to cover the first round for everyone and then let it be cash bar.
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| Posted 5/2/13 9:02 AM |
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Beachgirl59
LIF Infant
Member since 5/12 296 total posts
Name:
K
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Re: Need advice
Posted by JennZ
See giving him this power of who to invite was your first mistake. This is YOUR child. This should go the way YOU want. End of story.
Sorry if there is some confusion. I did not give my FIL total power on who to invite. DH unfortunately made up the guest list with all the people on it and then said that his father's family normally invites everyone so he feels he has to. FIL only made a comment the other day asking me to add someone else on. I did not give him total control over the guest list. That I would never do.
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| Posted 5/2/13 9:33 AM |
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Xelindrya
Mommy's little YouTube Star!
Member since 8/05 14470 total posts
Name:
Veronica
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Need advice
I think that drinking at a 'christening' itself is slightly tacky but hey that's me. So no I dont think having them pay for their own drinks at this type of event is tacky at all.
Its not a wedding, its not a birthday party or graduation party.. its supposed to be about the baptism isnt it? Then again I am not overly religious as far as church but when I do involve myself in anything religious I take that very seriously. that's just how i am. If other want to drink that's fine, but I would not.
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| Posted 5/2/13 10:51 AM |
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Kmarie36
LIF Adult
Member since 9/10 1449 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need advice
You do what works for you & your pocket. To me..I would never have a party and not provide at least beer & wine for the guests. There are people who enjoy a glass of wine or beer with their meal, just as others enjoy soda. Would I personally care if I went to a party and all they had was water, juice & soda? No, but I could never throw a party and not provide it for my guest. That is my me.
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| Posted 5/13/13 10:11 PM |
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GottaHaveFaith
LIF Adult
Member since 10/09 1443 total posts
Name:
Kelly
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Re: Need advice
I'm reading all the responses and know I'm going to get a lot of flack for this comment, but, as everyone is entitled to their own opinions, here's mine....
I think it's EXTREMELY tacky to have any sort of party and not include any alcohol, ( and I don't count punch)!!! If anything, I would do beer and wine, but a cash bar at any party is a no no in my book. It's tacky and cheap!
I'm sorry your FIL is making you feel this way, it wouldn't have gotten that far with me! I would sit with your husband and tell him how you feel and if I were you, I'd change it back to a small going out to lunch or dinner with immediate family snd godparents! Good luck!
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| Posted 5/13/13 10:41 PM |
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gina409
TWINS!
Member since 12/09 27635 total posts
Name:
g
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Re: Need advice
we had beer and wine at our twins baptism
we wanted it, we knew people would have a glass of wine with the meal
we paid for it nd people enjoyed it,nobody was hammered and nobody tried to give the priest a lap dance
it was our choice,if i went to a party and it was a cash bar i would not think twice
if they had beer and wine i would think ok great
i would not think someone is tacky for not having it or a cash bar and would not think someone is tacky or a bunch of drunks for having it
whatever u do i think is fine
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| Posted 5/13/13 11:05 PM |
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BeachGal
LIF Adult
Member since 2/10 2827 total posts
Name:
J
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Re: Need advice
That really stinks your FIL is acting this way. You should flat out say that you can't afford alcohol, regardless if that is true or not.
I am not a drinker so I wouldn't care but my DH likes to drink. He is not cheap (lol) so he would not care in the slightest bit if he had to pay for a drink. My DH is the type to pay for a bottle when the tap is free! That being said, if it is not in your budget, don't do it.
I think you have every Right to have a party or dinner even if there is no alcohol included. Why should your DC miss out on a party just because this is out of budget?
Good luck!!
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| Posted 5/14/13 7:52 AM |
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LINewbie
Tigger the the Rescue!
Member since 8/08 5647 total posts
Name:
LB
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Need advice
For a daytime christening, they buy their own drinks. Alcohol is totally not necessary.
I understand you, though, DH's family has flat out said they won't attend any events that don't have wine and beer, so we have to provide it every time we have them over! And they usually bring their own anyway! No need to get drunk at a 1 year old's birthday party, ugh.
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| Posted 5/15/13 7:57 PM |
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Lina
My angel is finally here
Member since 5/10 2559 total posts
Name:
Lindsay
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Re: Need advice
Posted by forevermylilgirls
Posted by Beachgirl59
Posted by forevermylilgirls
wait..why is your FIL telling you what to do for your child's christening!!!
Ugh trust me..it's the wedding all over again. he had so many demands but did not offer one penny.
then I would just do a small thing the way that you want. Screw that.
First... this is YOUR childs christening and you will be paying for the party... do it how you want, don't be concerned with what others want. To answer your original question, I dont think it's tacky at all to do a cash bar. It's a christening, not a wedding. I wouldn't even think twice if I went to a christening party without alcohol. But seriously, this is your child, if you let them dictate this to you, when will it end? You need to put your foot down at some point.
ETA... I also think it's a little impersonal to have a huge party with people who you probably don't even know that well. This should be a day that you celebrate with your closest friends and family. Why have people there just to have them. If they are not an integral part of your lives then they shouldn't be there. I think our society is way to programmed to feel they need to put on the dog and pony show and it sounds like that is what your FIL is wanting to do.
Message edited 5/15/2013 8:21:29 PM.
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| Posted 5/15/13 8:06 PM |
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wo0shply
LIF Adult
Member since 11/08 2702 total posts
Name:
Tass
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Need advice
It's early cash bar people won't really drink ( unless your guests are big drinkers then maybe a tab?)
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| Posted 5/15/13 8:07 PM |
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