my mom

my mom just asked me if DH and I are having trouble conceiving? Apparently some girl at work who got married the same time as me is due in July and asked my mom when I plan on making her a grandma?

W.T.F seriously? She's like there are docs that specialize in treatment for me and DH and that I just go get checked out. I got soooo pi$$ed off that I said even I had issues I wouldn't tell you because I don't want to hear this.. what's the point of getting you worried and more antsy and she goes "i never thought you would be the type to keep things from me" and she's perfectly ok with me not telling her that I'm preggo until after my first tri.. so what if I was.. she got me sooo mad.. I can't believe this..

This is our second month trying.. and stop comparing me to other girls.. DH and I started our lives together after we got married.. never lived together, never went on an overnight trip.. never did "anything" and I'm not throwing the good girl chip in here but we honestly became a true couple after marriage.. and so we decided to wait, and be ready.. I am so mad and sad.. I can't even express it properly..

Re: my mom

ugh that is frustrating. It is no one's business if and when you guys TTC so it really wasn't fair of her to ask you...especially to imply that since you aren't pregnant yet that you must be having issues. I think it was insensitive.

Re: my mom

I would have just frankly stated to her that when you feel like it is time to talk to a specialist then you will and If you need her opinion you will ask for it.

Thats me though...I have no problem telling my family to stay out of things.

Re: my mom

wow that was very insensitive to ask.... what if you didnt want to ttc yet? and to imply that you probably have an issue....

i had a similar comment made to me by a cousin...about why she's gonna be a grandmother before my mother....i didnt know it was a race...

Re: my mom

I'm sorry for your frustration. Not that it makes you feel any better, but I'm sure you're mom was just trying to help.

Re: my mom

I know how you feel, DH and I lived in different states until we got married, so we wanted to enjoy each other and really experience living together before deciding to TTC. Other people dont always understand that just because they think its time for you to have a baby, doesnt mean you think its time.
Good luck

Re: my mom

thank you, everyone!

I'm soo upset by her comments and I know she means well, but this is getting to be too much. I don't it to heat and would let her comments slide and this was just too much. I am angry.. really angry. And she never really gets why I am upset.. she'll be like ok, call me when your calm. I think she crossed the limits on this one.

I'm close to her, and I think that's part of the reason she wants to pry into my life so much and this is one area I don't want her to pry in.. its off limits but it falls on deaf ears. And me being blunt will cause so many issues between us so I just avoided it like the plague.

I'm sitting here crying at my desk.. and I don't even want to tell DH anything because he already thinks my mom is way too involved in our lives..

Message edited 2/8/2011 1:10:57 PM.

Re: my mom

I'm sorry, moms can be so pushy sometimes, they mean well and hopefully they are trying to help or give advice because they still think of us as their LOs.

I never know if it helps to relate, but my mom used to tell me all the time "you're not getting any younger" and then when she found out we were trying she was like "why are you trying to get pregnant before your sisters wedding"

Re: my mom

don't let it get to you. maybe she has no clue and thought you guys have been trying for a long time with no success and she was just trying to be helpful?

i know people sometimes assume you start trying right after the wedding - i'm not sure how long you are married...maybe your mom assumed you've been trying since your wedding?

i've been married for over 2 years and we bought a 4 bedroom house over a year ago so i know people in our families must be wondering what we are waiting for but like you said we were waiting and we were enjoying eachother. we weren't ready until a few months ago. then we tried, it happened and now its over and we have to try again. i've gotten some comments here and there since my miscarraige (which nobody really knows about) and it stings - like when people are asking what are we waiting for meantime i was already pregnant but then lost it...but its life...and for whatever reason TTC is a gossipy topic for people

i'm sure your mom feels bad now. and 2 months of trying is nothing so don't even worry about what she said regarding help, you don't need it

Re: my mom

Posted by RubyWoo

I'm sorry for your frustration. Not that it makes you feel any better, but I'm sure you're mom was just trying to help.

Re: my mom

Re: my mom

thank you everyone, I just spoke to DH. He pretty much said everything you girls said..

The one other person, besides my DH that I would have turned to support is the one acting like this. I'm not going to call her.. and let things settle a bit. And if she does call, I just going to tell her it was very insensitive of her.. anything else will be made in a drama that I can't handle right now..

Re: my mom

Sorry, that was really insensitive- you must have been so frustrated by that!! As if TTC isn't a stressful enough process to begin with!!

I hate that so many people just decide what everyone's timeline should be for getting engaged, getting married, having babies, having more babies. Since when is that anyone else's business?? And like you said, why compare?? Everyone's life situation is SO different- there is no set timeline that is perfect for everyone.

Message edited 2/8/2011 2:40:34 PM.

Re: my mom

Sorry to hear about this. Sometimes people don't understand how hard this whole process can be. Not just the actively TTC part, but from deciding to start TTC to actually getting pregnant. It is different for everyone and people need to realize that it is none of their business, even parents. Your mom meant well and because she didn't know you were TTC she didn't think you would be offended. Hopefully things work out.

Re: my mom

my mom just called me.. she apologized.. i guess she heard my voice and realized how rude it was. so a few tears and bit of shouting later, we're back.

she was like, "i know i cant put pressure you, but i just want a grandchild.. i love u so much, that if there were any issues, i wanted to be there for you, because you are my baby" .. tears just kept flowing.. and I told her, I knew what she was getting at, but the way it came out was horrible.. anyway.. back to normal.. sigh..

thank you so much, each you.. I'm so glad I was able to put it all out here rather than react to my mom that would have made things worse..

HUGS to each one of you.. thank you!

Message edited 2/8/2011 2:53:00 PM.

Re: my mom

I find that when my parents cross the line like that, it works best for me to be blunt and calmly put them in their place. It sounds like your mom is fishing for info, but it is SO none of her business and you shouldn't feel like you have to defend/explain yourself to her.

Re: my mom

Re: my mom

i'm sorry that she even asked you.
it really wasn't her place, but instead of getting so upset over it, which is ok, i would have just kept my cool and let her know that when you are ready tomake her a grandmother, you will let her know and change the topic. you should do this if she asks you about this again.