My lil' vent....

Well......it's been a long 16 months and never thought I'd be here. I've been holding in my sadness all day.......but I got AF this morning and instead of crying myself back to sleep.....I dreamt I was crying hysterical instead. I also wanted to not have DH see me cry....b/c he sees me upset...he gets upset and I dont want that. He tries to be the strong one for me, but I know deep inside...this is hurting him just as much as me. :(

Every month AF shows......I cry. Every month, I get different pains and twinges....I think OMG this must be it. This must be implantation cramping....but.....on the exact day every month, she doesn't EVER fail to arrive.

I swear I feel I will never ever see two lines on an HPT. It is so heartbreaking to me. I feel so helpless and so scared this will never happen for us.

We've both been tested and we are both fine--guess thats the most frustrating part of it all. As grateful as I am for that....noone still has any answers for me.

I've had more friends, family and co-workers get pregnant and have their babies...some on their 2nd and 3rd then I care to even imagine....and then there's me....just would happy to have one.

This has been a long overdue vent.....and if you have read this far...thanks for reading.

But this morning was a real heartbreaker for me...and I needed to get this out. Some way to start off a beautiful weekend, right? Sometime, I feel like such an outsider....since I dont have children...I feel I have nothing to offer. You see all the kids playing so cute with each other and you cant help but think....why isn't my kid playing with them right now???? Why do I have to wait this long? No one else did. Why does it crush my heart when I of a new pregnancy when I should in fact be elated!!!!!

Again, thanks for reading....and on a Positive note...here's to lotsa BFP's in the coming weeks/months!

Message edited 12/2/2009 12:42:43 PM.

Re: My lil' vent....

I am so sorry. That's all I can really say. I know how hard it is.....I hope your time comes SOON. Don't give up, try to find hope even when you feel there is none. OOOOO (I'm on a blackberry and can't put in the little huggie guy so these are my hugs)

Re: My lil' vent....

I am so sorry you are feeling this way, but please know that you are not alone. I know exactly how you feel and I have felt everything that you have felt I can also guarantee you that everyone on this board has had similar feelings.

I also think the pain of unexplained IF can be heartbreaking because you desperately want answers, but can't see to get any.

You didn't say in your post, but are you seeing an RE and undergoing any IF treatments?

This board has wonderful women on it who will give you lots of support and advice. Please post any vent or questions that you want

Re: My lil' vent....

I am so sorry you are hurting so much.
I know exactly how you feel.
Vent away- that is what we are here for.

Re: My lil' vent....

I could have wrote this myself. I just want to give you some

You can vent anytime....

Re: My lil' vent....

I am so sorry...but I do have to agree with AP who asked about seeing an RE.
Maybe you have been tested, but there are things that can be done to increase your chances if you are seeing an RE.
I wish you luck and much
Your time will come!

Re: My lil' vent....

You are definitely not alone with your feelings. Like others have said, if u r not seeing an RE yet, it's definitely something to look into. I know how heartbreaking it is not get AF each month. I also wonder if I'll ever see the line when I test...some days I doubt it.

We're here if u need to vent!

Re: My lil' vent....

i am so sorry you are going through this and i agree if you are not yet seeing an RE go see one, they can help even if it is unexpained IF, have you tried IUI

Re: My lil' vent....

I definitely agree with everyone else.... go to an RE if you aren't already.

There is a lot more testing that can be done than what an ob/gyn would do. RE's specialize in infertility and GETTING pregnant... their whole job is to get you pregnant!

I know sometimes it seems like you've hit rock bottom, but you have to just get up and starting climbing

Re: My lil' vent....

Thanks for all the hugs ladies and support!

Yes, I actually started seeing an RE after a year of trying. I've had 3 IUI's so far. 2 w/ clomid and 1 w/ injectables. I responded very well to all 3 of them.....but they still all resulted in BFN's!

After the last one, I just couldn't handle another one again so I told DH I needed to take some time and we did.

I actually made another consultation appointment w/ another RE for next month. So we will see what happens.....but I've had all tests taken.....so has DH. I guess that is where the frustration stems from. Because everything comes back OK and even the RE says she doesnt know why I'm not getting PG. Yeah, thanks! Cuz that still doesnt help me, does it???

Hopefully, the next RE will have magic hands.....LOL I dont know what else to wish for! LOL

Thanks agin!

Re: My lil' vent....

Just a little statistic to help you feel better...IUI's only increase your chance of getting PG by 10% - that's best case scenario.
Another RE may be more aggressive or if your insurance covers it, you might want to think about IVF. IVF increases your chances by 50-70%...