Moms pregnant with number #2 (long)

I have a 3 yr old DS and just found out that we are expecting DC#2. I didn't expect it to happen so soon. I am still shocked.

I don't know what to feel. When I tested and saw the line, I was excited. I mean, I didn't even contemplate having a 2nd until I was ready. For a long time I thought DS would be an only. But now when I look at my DS sometimes I cry. Because I keep thinking that each day that passes is one day less that we have together, just us. The love that I have for my son is just so deep and indescribable. I cannot imagine not being able to give him 100% of my attention. It pains me to think that we won't be able to do so many special things together. I can't imagine us as something other than our family of 3.

One minute I am looking at pregnancy sites, looking something up, and the next I'm sad, thinking about the fact that I'm pregnant and questioning whether I want to be.

DH doesn't understand. No one else knows since it's still really early. Thought about posting under a fake name but I figure I post things here that are real for me and appreciate it when others do too. I know we are blessed to have conceived another child, and so quickly, especially since I'm 36 already and have a history of PCOS. But I just have this profound sadness I can't shake. I'm just so sad and confused. I thought I was ready, I really did but now I don't know. I feel like a horrible person on the one hand, since I know people struggle to conceive, but on the other hand I feel like I am betraying my DS.

Re: Moms pregnant with number #2 (long)

and Congrats too!

I understand how you feel........100%. I am almost 28 wks pregnant with #2 (DD is 4) and I have the same feelings. It was also a struggle for us to have another baby, we suffered a few losses TTC and needed medical intervention and then this baby was a total surprise.........and miracle.........as we conceived totally naturally. We NEVER expected that after what we went through. We're excited to add to our family, it's what we always wanted, but there is definitely a part of me that feels weird about it.

I am nervous about having enough love to give to two, about splitting myself and my time. I think it's a natural feeling to have. Everything has been about my DD and our little family of three for so long now that I cannot imagine it any other way. I just keep telling myself that once our DS arrives it will be awesome and we won't be able to imagine our life as anything other than then the four of us. I think it's just hard to imagine anything different from what you've been so accustomed to for so long.

I know when this baby arrives it will be an adjustment on everyone but I also know in the end it will be so awesome.......despite any fears or hesitations I have. Give yourself some time to get use to the idea, it's a new surprise for you right now so it's no wonder you're a little stunned and conflicted. Totally normally. Let yourself feel however you need to feel about it, it doesn't mean you're not excited about your new baby on the way.........you just need to get your head adjusted to the idea. I would guess every Mommy feels the same way going from one to two. I know I do.

Re: Moms pregnant with number #2 (long)

congrats! I remember the 2 of us having DS with newborn issues at the same time.
I hope to start TTC # 2 soon, but like you the emotions are all over the friggan place.
Never mind money, space, etc.

but u know what..I bet in the end you will feel just as happy as with # 1 and you will learn a new normal; a new way of life.

Re: Moms pregnant with number #2 (long)

Someone else just posted the same thing a day or two ago.

Please don't take this the wrong way, but I don't see why anyone would have these feelings. The way I see it, you are not taking anything away from DS - you are giving him something wonderful. He is going to love his sibling, even if there is an adjustment period in the beginning. Of course your time will be split between two, and you will never be able to fully give either one your attention, but what they are gaining is so much more than they are giving up. He is still young enough that he will not even remember life before DC2.

And honestly, do you really think there is not enough love to go around for all of your children? Everyone with more than one says that your heart just grows to accomodate the love you have for DC2, and that it more than doubles when you see DC1 with the baby.

I am the second child, and I never once felt that my parents loved me less or had less to give me than my older brother. I also have a younger brother who is 3 years younger than me, and I can't remember life before him at all.

My mom loves to tell the story of how when she was accused by my dad of having a favorite, she pulled each of us into a room and asked us who we thought he favorite child was. Each one of us was sure we were the one. That just goes to show that a mother can love all of her children different but equally, and make each one feel like they are her favorite.

Re: Moms pregnant with number #2 (long)

I responded to a similar post a few days ago. Our second daughter was very much planned, but I was a wreck during my second pregnancy. DD1 was younger than your son when I got pregnant (she was 15 months old) and I just felt like I was RUINING her little life and all of our special alone time. I mean, I was a WRECK. DH was supportive of my emotions but then got pretty fed up of my stressing out. I'd be excited thinking of giving DD a sibling, then I'd be staring at her crying, mourning our life as just the 3 of us. It was truly a very hard time for me, and even hard to describe.

NOW...looking back, I pity that girl I was. I didn't fully enjoy my pregnancy because of my worries. I look at my AMAZING daughters and how they love each other and play with each other...and I wonder what the hell I was so worried and stressed about. It really is true that a sibling is a GIFT. People always said it to me but I was in such a guilty fog I didn't want to believe it (although I have 3 sisters whom I adore). These two little girls are OBSESSED with each other and will just look at each other and start laughing hysterically. It's incredible to see this little bond forming.

I TRULY know how you're feeling. I probably went through it even worse! FM me if you ever want to chat, but do know...it's going to be AMAZING!

Re: Moms pregnant with number #2 (long)

Life is certainly different....

But my DD is the best thing that ever happenned to DS.

Moms pregnant with number #2 (long)

When I was pregnant with my second I felt similar. I was so in love with my first and though we definitely wanted more, it was sooner than expected. My daughter turned 5 mths the day I found out I was pregnant with 2. I was so afraid I was not doing right by her and robbing her of being the baby and getting real one on one time with me.

I couldn't have been more wrong. They adore each other and their lives areare filled with a joy and friendship I could not provide as a parent. And they are both super close to me and we have lots and lots of one on one time and mommy daughters time. Could not be more perfect if I tried. Number 3 is now on the way and I don't have those fears this time. Only fear this time is whether a third will impact their relationship, but they are both so excited that I'm not really worried about it.

Re: Moms pregnant with number #2 (long)

We planned for our 2nd child and yet I had some of the same feelings you are having. I remember when DD was born I felt almost as if I was cheating on DS when I was just with her. Felt very strange. And I had real doubts as to whether I could love DD as much as I loved DS. I honestly couldn't imagine loving someone else so much.

Now... I can't remember life without them both. And watching them together is nothing short of amazing. Having DD was the very best gift we could have given DS. He will never be alone.

Re: Moms pregnant with number #2 (long)

I felt the same way! I felt bad for db #2 while I was pregnant bc I knew I would love my first more. Boy was I wrong! I adore both of them and my kids just love each other so much. I can not imagine my ds not being a big brother this little baby is going to be such a gift for your older dc

Re: Moms pregnant with number #2 (long)

I'm having similar feelings too...I keep thinking right now I give my DS 100% and I am having twins..will I only be able to give him 33%? lol. And I keep thinking how special the time was and is now that it's just him for the next few months...but then I get excited because I know he will be a great big brother

Re: Moms pregnant with number #2 (long)

Been there, done that! Only we TTC for one more thinking we'd always be happy with 2 kids and I wound up getting pregnant with twins!

I will say hang in there. DS was 2 years 9 months when my twins were born and I don't even think he remembers a time without them. I had massive guilt over the change he was going to have to experience which wasn't his choice. But he rose to the occasion. He is the best big brother ever (he is now 4.5 and my twins are 20 months). He protects his sisters, talks about them all day at school (according to his teacher) and has 2 best friends to play with him ALL.DAY.LONG.

I look back now and think to myself "What was wrong with me. I gave him the best present ever when I gave him 2 little sisters to love"

Re: Moms pregnant with number #2 (long)

I felt very similar, and as soon as i came home from the hospital with DS (on DD's third birthday btw), who will be one in 6 weeks, my family just felt, complete.

Moms pregnant with number #2 (long)

I had the same feelings with my surprise second pregnancy. Honestly? It will be great. I never believed I could love another child like I do my first dd, but its amazing how much I love both of them now. And I still do special things with just my older daughter.

Re: Moms pregnant with number #2 (long)

It's very normal to have those feelings. Just enjoy your pregnancy and try not to think about it so much. You are giving your son a brother or sister . Such a great gift!! You will have more then enough love for both kids. I look at my two boys and I love and enjoy my time with both of them equally. My two are exactly 3 years apart and DS#1 never gave us a problem when we brought the baby home. He can be a difficult child and doesn't like change, but he took to having a baby brother just fine.
Is it hard dividing your time between two kids, yes very. It's especially hard when you have a baby and a toddler. One needs to eat and at the same time the older one wants to play with you. You figure it out and get into a routine eventually.
So again, just relax because everything will be fine.

Message edited 12/21/2012 3:40:33 AM.

Re: Moms pregnant with number #2 (long)

I feel the exact opposite. My whole life I've known I'd always want more than one child. If I were only able to have one biological then I'd want to adopt at least one more. I feel that a sibling is an amazing gift to give a child.

I was an only child until my brother was born when I was 6 1/2. As early as I can remember I desperately wanted a sibling. I'm sure this isn't true for every child but I really disliked being an only. I always wished I had a sibling(s) to share family vacations with, to play with when other friends were busy, even just to "bother" me so I wasn't so bored some days. I was always jealous of kids who had brothers and sisters and was beyond thrilled when I finally got one.

I just cannot see giving a child a brother or sister (or several even!) being a negative. Maybe they won't get as many "things" as they may have as an only child but in exchange they're getting a friend for life. Also, just becuase you have more than one child it doesn't mean you can't have special days to do things one on one with them.

Re: Moms pregnant with number #2 (long)

Thanks everyone for replying. It definitely helps to know that so many people have felt the same. I'm trying to be more positive but I'm not there yet, I'm sure it will take some time.

I am an only child and loved being an only child. I have no idea of what it means to have a sibling. I just vividly remember a friend of mine saying that the day her brother was born, when she was 6, was the worst day of her life. She really resented him. I can't help but think that my 2 DC won't be close since they'll have an almost 4 year age difference. They'll likely never be in the same school, won't have the same friends. Uggh, I thought we did the right thing by waiting but now I'm questioning everything. Going for an ultrasound next week since I'm being monitored by my RE so maybe my feelings will change once I "see" that there's really a baby in there.

Re: Moms pregnant with number #2 (long)

I can't relate but I can only imagine feeling the same. I am sure it's quite normal.

BTW, congrats!