Mommy guilt

Am I the only one who feels crazy mommy guilt? I am really trying to take care of myself more because I've really neglected myself for years. I had life changing back surgery this year and it was very scary. My back is still a problem and I know I need to make life changes in order to prevent myself from damaging my back even more.
I feel awful guilt when I take time to go to physical therapy 3x a week, go to weight watchers and take time to exercise. I feel guilty going out with friends or even shopping alone. My girls only want to stay with me and don't want to stay with dh or my mom. I feel awful when my oldest dd begs me to take her with me. I just feel like there aren't enough hours in the day. I devote my entire life to my girls. I was raised in a family of women who always put their kids first. My mom, grandma and great grandma never ever took time for themselves so I think it's in my DNA. Dh is always encouraging me to go and do things for myself but most of the times I choose not to because I just feel so guilty for taking time away from my girls. I can't be the only one like this at least I hope not.

Re: Mommy guilt

Don't feel guilty...You HAVE to take care of yourself. If you're a happy mom, your kids will be happy kids. My mom neglected herself for so long. She devoted her entire life to her 3 kids and now as an adult, I wish she would've catered to herself more. It would've taught me to really cater to myself more too. I'm just now learning to do that at 40!
Kids become what they see.

Re: Mommy guilt

I think everyone has mommy guilt, but it's how you deal with it.
I feel guilty at times having to leave my daughter to travel for work, etc., but I don't let it control me.
I know that everything I am doing is for her in the end.
I still go out with friends, go get my hair done, etc. I still travel for work here and there.
I am still a person in addition to being a mom.
I know that DD is in good hands with my DH when I am not there and vice versa.
It's a balancing act.
I know that she is not any worse off for not having mommy at her side 24/7...in fact I think it's good for her.
She goes to daycare, she spends time with my parents, my DH etc
I feel like it helps her be more adjusted to spend time with and be cared for by multiple people.

Re: Mommy guilt

You shouldn't feel guilty at all. A good mommy is a mommy who is first happy with herself and then feels well to care for her LO's.
My mom worked full time, went out with friends and did date nights every Saturday with either my dad or with other friends. I don't remember ever feeling upset with her. I thought she was a great mom and still is. To me I thought it was great she juggled it all. I workout, go out with friends (try once a month) and do date nights with DH (hoping to eventually go out more as they get older). I need the time to feel like an adult. I miss getting dressed up and pampering myself. Us moms work hard and we deserve it. I love that your DH encourages it too. You don't abandon your kids. You leave them with DH or a sitter who cares. My boys love when their grandparents babysit or a teenage neighbor who comes over. That's their time to spend with others who love them

Mommy guilt

Yes absolutely - when I am away from my kids they are always on my mind. i do feel bad when I need to leave them for things I have for myself and I try to limit the time I am away from them. I think also because I work FT I don't want to leave them when I'm not working. You shouldn't feel guilty though - you are taking you time so you can be the best mom and be able to be there for them! You need to take care of your health first and foremost so they have a happy and healthy mommy to take care of them.

Re: Mommy guilt

IMO, ESPECIALLY b/c you have daughters, it's important for you to show them that they are not ONLY capable of being "mommies" - Being a Mom may be most 'most improtant and top priority' in life .........but it's not the ONLY thing in my life ......
They will be sisters,a and friends and daughters and wives and INDIVIDUALS -
It's important for them to see that in you. You're not 'just' Mom, you have your own interests, your own mind, your own friends, your own LIFE.
It's not the amount of time you spend with them that matters ........a woman does not have to spend every minute of every day doing for, being with, or thinking about her children in order to be a good mother

Re: Mommy guilt

You have to do ALL of those things. It makes you a better mom. You need the breaks to come back refreshed. And as far as the health stuff, you must do that so you can be around for your kids. You must take care of yourself.

My dd always comes first and I always came first for my mom. But you still need a balance.

Re: Mommy guilt

I schedule stuff in.

I have a work schedule, a work out schedule & kid schedule. It cuts the guilt when I know that a certain # of hours a week, I'm not with the kids. I make sure DH is.

I make it so that I lose sleep for the work out schedule... (I take the very earliest classes before the kids are awake) I seriously work out 3 times a week (but I don't lose kid time).

But... I work full time, so everything for me is very tight.

Mommy guilt

When that feeling comes I say this.

I do this for her
EVERYTHING I do is for her.

I need to stay healthy, I need to keep track of myself because if I don't I will be like my father and die at a young age and miss out on so much. Its just a little here and there but its a lifetime I'm giving my daughter and her children and maybe theirs? (great grand?) I will live long as I can to enjoy her as much as I can and to do that I must take care of myself. Plus I think its sets an example for her as to how to care for herself.

Everything I do is for her.

Re: Mommy guilt

My boys are 4 and 6, they try and make me feel bad at times when I go somewhere without them, especially the 4 year old!!

Exercise, doctor appointments, these are important things to do to keep healthy. Not only does that make us better parents, but you are modeling healthy behavior. Kids who have parents who eat well, and exercise, are more likely to do those things!!

We are whole people, not just parents. Someday, or kids will grow and leave the house. If we do not cultivate hobbies, friendships, our marriages, we will be seriously depressed when our kids grow up!

Re: Mommy guilt

Hi! I had spinal fusion in nov and having another one in june and my ds is just 2!! Fm if u want to talk......I totalllllllly understand!!!!!

Re: Mommy guilt

Re: Mommy guilt

The bottom line is you are not being selfish. You are trying to lose weight to be healthy. You need to be healthy in order to be there for your girls. They are too young to understand that now.

Re: Mommy guilt

I don't feel guilty taking time for myself at all. Mostly because I really don't think being attached to her 24/7 is doing DD any favors at all. It's good for both of us to have separation time. Also, I know she's always in good hands, whether it be with Daddy or Grandma or one of her Aunts or at daycare. I like that she's used to different situations and can go with the flow (most of the time).

I promised myself when I was prego that I would maintain a life outside of being a mom. I know how easy it is to get sucked into a world where EVERYTHING is about your kid at every moment, but in my perspective it's not healthy for mom or child.

Taking time to focus on me and making myself a better, happier person will also benefit my child.

Message edited 5/17/2014 8:43:08 AM.