miscarriage

I've read the last few posts abouts miscarriages and d/c's this week. Got me thinking and I realized if my first pregnancy had taken, I'd be delivering a baby next month. I'm sad today & surprised because it came out of nowhere.

I found this article by accident and thought it was worth sharing for all those girls going thru the same experiences. Thanks for listening



A year ago today…Posted by Kristina Sauerwein

A year ago today, my husband and I lost our girl.
She was only 10 weeks old. We never met her but saw her bean-like self wiggling on the ultrasound screen, twice. We loved her in the unconditional, heart-bursting, all-encompassing way of most parents.

We still do.

A few people have asked if we still think about her. If we’re doing better now that we have another baby on the way. If we’ve gotten over the miscarriage.

And my question is: Do you ever get over a pregnancy loss?

For us, the answer is no. We are able to function normally day to day, and we have laughs and good times. Of course, we’re thrilled about having another baby. But does this baby replace the one we lost? No. The worst thing I think about loss, and it didn’t hit me until I was pregnant again, was that I couldn’t enjoy being pregnant again. The innocence of the excitement of early pregnancy was taken away, and I spent every day fearing to go to the bathroom, fearing every little vague pain, expecting the beginning of the end.
Would it be more difficult if we had trouble conceiving another child or if we lost another one? Yes, it would magnify the sadness and grief to a whole other level. But nothing takes away our feelings about the girl we lost.

I have many girlfriends who have suffered pregnancy losses. Some of them feel like I do: There will always be an ache and an emptiness inside of you that will never go away. I have one very-strong friend who had four miscarriages and delivered twin boys at around 20 weeks. The boys lived for only a few hours. Today, she has healthy 2-year-old twin girls. But she misses all of the babies she lost–and, she says, she always will.

Some of my other friends say they don’t think about their miscarriages much. They were sad for a few weeks and then the experience was put behind them.

No matter how we react to a pregnancy loss, we mostly do so privately. For in our culture, it seems like this is one subject we don’t discuss much. When a loved one dies, there are condolences: cards, flowers, meals, ceremonies. When we miscarry, a few folks might acknowledge the painful loss, but for the most part, it doesn’t seem to rise to the same level. In fact, I found that many people never bring it up, as if it never happened, as if the baby you were nurturing inside of you and eagerly awaiting never existed.

The silence is one of the loneliest feelings.

So we go on quietly. Our pain hidden. Stashed away for the sake of propriety.

Which is sad because miscarriage is so common. The American Pregnancy Association estimates that 10 to 25% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage. That’s roughly one in five pregnant women. Most likely, if we all asked around, we’d discover that we know lots of women who have miscarried.

And I wonder: How many of us are walking around grieving our babies we never got to hold?

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When I miscarried last month, I had so many women come out & tell me that they had been through it as well: my mother, my aunt, 2 of my close friends' mothers, 2 friends, my MIL told me about my DH's grandmother suffering from a couple of m/c's. I was amazed & so sad. I can't believe how often it happens.

I'm sorry you're having a bad day

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i went thru a m/c last month and i was 5 months...it was a terrible feeling...thruour the preganancy evrythign was going well...no signs of any complications...the thought of a m/c NEVER ended my head...and then one day....i had massive cramps which turned out to be contractions....they werent sure if if was an infection or my cervix..but i went thru the entire birthing process epidural and all...it was very tragic...and a part of me will always be sad and empty...considering this was my first PG i cant help thinking this is what i have to expect the next go around......

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After my m/c last year it seemed like every woman that I knew or met had had a m/c and I felt horrible because I never knew. And until it happened to me I probably could never understand. Now it's almost a year since I got PG and I was hoping to be PG at least a year later and I'm not. That is what is hitting me lately.

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MC are so tragic. My deepest sympathies to those of you who have been through this terrible experience.

When my best friend m/c'd w/ her first, it was amazing how many women came forward (like my mom) and told me/us about their own. So scary.

I think the point that even though a 2nd PG may bring new hope, it's so unfair that all the joys of future PGs are taken away.

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Thanks for posting that. It is amazing how many people have miscarried and I never knew until I had myself. It is like a secret that no one ever talks about. It is so heartbreaking. I am fearing this spring because I would have delivered on May 31st and I just know that I will be a mess. I honestly don't think I will be pg then either which will hurt even more. I guess maybe we could be if the dr. is able to find a way to quickly fix our MI issues next week. But even then it would be early in the pregnancy and I am sure would bring about all sorts of fears. It is just so hard.

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My heart goes out to you. I would have been delivering next month too. Thank you for posting that. I totally understand your feelings.

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I'm so sorry for all of your losses

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Sorry for you loss.

for a lifetime of happiness for you.

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I'm so sorry!

My mom came out and told us when my sister miscarried. She told me that mentally it drained her and she really felt as if she had lost a child she was able to raise for years. She says it's proof that there is no other love stronger than that of a mother for her baby.

Gives me chills!

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I have seen what a M/C can do to a couple. My twin siter back in july lost her baby under 10wks preggo. I've seen her try and stay strong in front of friends who just gave birth. It was even hard for her to attend one of our friends baby shower the week after she had the m/c. BIL didn't understand her but I did, she explained she was tired of holding other people/friends babies when she wanted her own.

M/C do drain a person emotionally.
Thank god her baby she is preggo with is healthly and due in July.

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Miscarriage changes a person forever. Had my first pregnancy lasted, I would be delivering in 2 weeks. Come March 15, I will be reflective and sad and again on May 15 as well. Though I am PG now, it still hurts and has left pain in my heart.

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Thanks for sharing all your stories, it made me feel better.

Although I think I'm going to TTC starting next month (after St. Patrick's Day. ) A week ago I wanted to wait out the summer. But now I want to get pregnant by the month I was due. We'll see how that plan goes...

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Thanks for the article. The thought really doesn't leave your mind. I mc at 8 weeks. I would have been 12 weeks last week and was planning on telling my friends and the rest of my family that I was expecting. Last week was kinda hard for me cuz I was thinking about that. I know it will be hard, but I'm trying to keep my mind off of it and not think about the "what if's". I know TTC and going through the whole pg process over agian will be difficult for all of us, but we will make it through!

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Thank you so much for this post. Even though I went on to have a healthy pregnancy and a beautiful baby girl, it doesn't take away from our loss. I am dreading this next pregnancy for the fear that I know I will have. Miscarriage is just horrible. Many hugs to everyone who has experienced it- especially women like Jennyal who had it happen much later on and in such a tragic way

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Thank you for this post...it explains EXACTLY how I feel about my miscarriage.

I don't know why people don't talk about it more. Why is it a secret? there is no shame in it...we didn't do anything wrong to make it happen. It's kind of bizarre that women aren't more open and support eachother more.

And yes, I miss my baby every day. And I know I always will.