Misbehaving in class?

The teacher has called us about 3x regarding one of my boys being defiant and refusing to do stuff. He will have to color something and cute something else and he will just cut it in half or scribble on it and say it is done. When she tells him that she will call us to talk to us about it, he tells her no you won't.

She has decided after the first time we spoke about it with him that the next time it happened she would start a sticker chart for him in school. He loves positive reinforcement and is beaming when you tell him he did a good job on something. At home he is not about negative attention and basically does what we ask of him.

Now with the sticker chart in school, how do we handle that at home? Does he get a reward for each sticker he earns? Dh told him if he doens't get 4 stickers today he will go to time out, which I thought was moronic. That is negative reinformcement, if she is doing positive reinforcement why would we do negative? Not sure how to follow thru with it at home.

Re: Misbehaving in class?

I would ask the teacher to send home a weekly behavior report to you. Sit down with your DS and show it to him, and tell him that if he gets stickers for one entire week, then he will get a reward from you and DH. If he does not get the stickers, then no reward. Punishing him for NOT getting stickers is not going to change anything, but rewarding him FOR getting stickers will make him want to earn more. His "punishment" for not getting stickers from the teacher is that he does not get a treat at home.

Hang in there, sometimes adjusting to kindergarten takes some time, it sounds like he is testing the limits

Re: Misbehaving in class?

Posted by MrsGmomof3



Hang in there, sometimes adjusting to kindergarten takes some time, it sounds like he is testing the limits

Re: Misbehaving in class?

If we get a certain amount of good report cards home, they were able to "cash" them in for various outings, books, etc.

We were always big on the praise when a good report was sent in & they hung them up on their doors until it was time to cash in.

They brought us to the movies, bought ice cream, Dave & Busters, etc. (the guy at the register actually took their report cards as I nodded my head & held up money behind the kids).

A big part of it is having them think that everyone around them thinks they're a good kid. Even if that takes overhearing me talking to my mom, my friends about how great they're doing in school, how they set the table & I didn't have to do it, how terrific they're getting along. Overheard compliments are the way to go.

oh & a negative report card, they didn't get to hang up. a VERY negative one & they had to take one off the door.

Message edited 10/21/2010 10:37:23 AM.

Re: Misbehaving in class?

I told DH he was wrong in the time out, but he didn't get it. We did tell him if we got a good report today we can go to mcd since he has been asking to go since monday, but we told him that yesterday too and it didn't work. Hopefully since we did not go yesterday and he cried about it that it sunk in that he has to listen to the teacher. There are days that he is perfect and other days that well he is not. He has been saying he was stupid, which I don't know where he has gotten that from, especially since we say stupid is a bad word. I wonder if something else is going on which he won't talk about.

Thanks for the advise, I think I weekly goal is a great idea instead of a daily one. In school he gets free time for x amount of stickers so getting something at the end of the week would be a good motivator.

How many stickers for the week would be good? I believe he can earn 4 a day, so 20 for the week. I will double check with her though.

Re: Misbehaving in class?

We did one at school in K & 1st grade

How many stickers does he have a chance to earn in the day? ie, if it's 10 stickers, set his goal at 4. He can get a short term reward from you at home (do you have a treasure box where he can pick an item - if not go and buy a bunch of favor packs from the store so you have a lot to choose from but they should be tiny items), let him pick from that each day. Then the bar should get raised. After a week - 10 days discuss with him how he has to earn 6 stickers, and then after go up to 8. After 10 days (if you think that's too long, even 5 days is fine) of earning his alloted stickers, he should be able to earn a larger treat - McDonalds for dinner, toy (around $10, no more), movie of his choice from redbox or netflix, ice cream sundae, camping in the living room, staying up late 1/2 hour - just a few examples) or if he gets a 10 sticker day, he gets to stay up 15m later in addition to the small reward. Anyway, it should be positive reinforcement. I get where your DH is coming from, you just want them to behave and trying to scare them into is tempting, I've done it myself with my oldest but I know with him it doesn't work.

Ideally, the school is *suppose to* give the reward but ours never did, never offered to and I thought about sending the reward for the teacher to give but it was better to do at home in the end.

BTW, you are going to have to figure out a plan with your other guy for a reward chart & visits to the treasure box too. This happened with DD and I did a small rewards chart for her at home since she didn't need it at school. Not a chore chart bc then you have to do that with both but just a few small things. With hers I did 5 things I think 1) No bathroom words 2) Write homework as neatly as possible 3) No screaming in the car or house (haha esp good one with girls for some reason)...I forget what else was on the chart but it was 5 things and she got to get treasures as well.

HTH I have some other ideas as well if you need them. He's probably struggling with adjusting to the changes that come with Kindergarten and rebelling but the rewards system might really help to him switch gears. They have to have some kind of short term reward, esp when they are small. I would not punish him for less than the goal stickers either.

Re: Misbehaving in class?

I do agree that as they get older, you can get punitive with misbehaving in school. I understand your husband's logic - and I had a hard time grasping that I was rewarding them for behaving when that is what they are *supposed* to be doing.

For the younger kids - in particular - those starting out in school, positive reinforcement not only helps keep them in line but gives them a more positive outlook on school.

It's important that the rewards are achievable so he can get a "taste" of success. Iif he's not bringing home the reports you need, you may need to lower your expectation & the prize threshold.

Re: Misbehaving in class?

Thanks everyone, I spoke to the teacher and he has about 6 - 8 opportunities to get a sticker each day so I am thinking we will start low, today he already had 4 out of 5 and is having a good day.

She also talked about getting him and OT evaluation and something else regarding his lack of attention, but she thinks that he deons't even make the requirement to be evaluated, he is bring it up to the IST team at the school. But at this point she said she thinks he will grow out of that and that he just needs positive encouragment and to stop being defiant at times.

Re: Misbehaving in class?

I would have a line of the sticker chart filled so he gets a reward once a week like his favorite meal on Friday or a special treat. Definitely not every day.

Re: Misbehaving in class?

One small detail that I think the teacher could have corrected. I would have NEVER said "I am calling your parents". To me it kind of shows that she is not in control especially if he thinks he is taking control...It seems like more power to him. Shes not in a battle with him. If she needs to call you, call you. I wouldnt threaten the child.
I agree with ALL of the above in terms of the reward system. I love when dd comes home and says "I almost went on yellow but I was put back on green". It seems important to her to always be in green. Can you try something like this? Buy small rewards and give it to him for good behavior. Take away things for bad behaviors. Its probably most important IMO for the teacher to gain back her control. Especially if you arent having these problems within your home.

Re: Misbehaving in class?

Not sure why she said that to him, or even if it was fully explained to me correctly. DH spoke to teacher that day and sometimes things are not worded teh same when they come down the line to me, but I digress, LOL.

Thursday was an okay day, good in the am, afternoon not so good and friday she was out and he didn't get a chance to earn stickers, which annoys us, but what can we do. Hopefully today he is back on track and has a good day. We had a good weekend and he was excited about earning the chance to use the Wii tonight, so hopefully he remembers that while doing his work.

Re: Misbehaving in class?

Re: Misbehaving in class?

She told me she was going to be out and wasn't sure if it will be done but we did get a note home from the sub yesterday saying it was done and he got A star for everything yesterday and some on Friday. Hopefully the reg teacher will be back today and DS will keep up the good behavior.