mil vent and advice needed

I have an overprotective, medling, hyperchondriac for a mil. My dd id 1. Ever since she was an infant the second she cries omg is she ok? Or if she gets hurt or has a belly ache gas and cries she tries to take her from my arms and i turn away from her. I tell her i got it its MY dd i got it. Well now shes 1 and shes gonna fall shes gonna get hurt it happens. Its for me to handle. No again she over reacts makes a huge commotion over absolutely nothing and got my dd hysterical. So hysterical she was boderline inconsolable. She only got worse when mil came in the room and then my dh and then another person. It freaked her out. Im stuck right now seeing these people all the time and i need this to stop. Shes going to make my dd scared of the world and overreact to every bump and fall.

How do i handle this nicely but get my point across? Its a sensitive subject cause i have many issues and dh is aware of that.

mil vent and advice needed

I would be very honest with her about your feelings. Point out that the other when DC fell she was fine and did not get hurt BUT she got very overwhelmed by everyone else's reaction. Remind her that you have taken every baby proofing precaution you could but dd is one she learning to walk and run and you know she will get a few bumps and bruises along the way. She needs to explore and be confidant in her self. The next time she slips or falls YOU will handle it ALONE so she won't get overwhelmed like she did the last time.

I think your MIL will come around once she sees how well the old Whoops Your OK look at my big Girl hug and kiss works.

Re: mil vent and advice needed

I come from a family of people who sound just like your MIL, on my mom's side while my day's side is totally laid back. I would make sure you tell MIL that her reactions scare and hurt DD more than any injury she could get. And I would also start telling DD as soon as she's old enough to understand, that everything is ok, and to ignore MIL when it comes to this. I often have to tell my very observant 2 yr old that "it's ok" and "don't listen to them" when my mom or grandma start to get her paranoid over nothing (latest example, a bee flew to close to us and they freaked out!)

Re: mil vent and advice needed

Can DH talk to her? Since it's his mother, maybe he will have better luck talking to her. Unless you feel like you have a good relationship with her. If that's the case, I would make it clear that she needs to stop. Now. She's not doing your DD any favors by overreacting that way.

mil vent and advice needed

I think its time i speak up for myself. Too many times ive left it to dh and i know he does say something but then eventually she starts back with the same behavior. And its not that i have a bad relationship with her its just that my dh knows i dont like how involved in our life she is. I told him how upset i was about today and he seemed upset too.

What if i say something like this:
I can appreciate how much you care about your grand daughter and i understand your an anxious person. I know you didnt realize it, but she was got very overwhelmed by your reaction. I was holding her when you came in the room so there was no need for all the commotion. It only made her more hysterical. I want her to explore the world and be self confident and not scared to do it so when she does fall or get hurt its for me to handle and if i let you know that i got it i would appreciate it if you allowed me the space to take care of my dd. Otherwise every tiny bump and bruise along the way is going to make her hysterical and panic for no reason.

Eta:Or maybe im over thinking this and ill just mention next time i speak to her that sunday got out of hand dd was only made more scared due to her reaction and not even by being hutt. And moving forward if something happens with her i can handle it myself.

Message edited 7/14/2013 11:58:03 PM.

Re: mil vent and advice needed

I would just mention what happened this weekend and tell her you will handle it and that she needs to take a step back and let you be the mother and handle things. Then if she starts up again give the schpeal again.

My MIL is the same way. She jumps like it's HER job everytime one of my girls makes a peep. If I'm putting them in for a nap and they are crying, I have to directly tell her to LEAVE the room as I do and let her cry a bit. I've had to demand she hand them over when I need to take them in to sleep or a nap. I shouldn't have to ask 3 times for my kid back. Have some respect, lady.

mil vent and advice needed

Omg word for word thats what i go through strawberry!!!

Ive told her numerous times she cannot stop by past 7pm. My dd goes to sleep at 730-8 and about 7 i like to have her winding down. No, she has shown up, without calling sometimes and tries to wind her up and then leave. Even while im saying no grandma were saying goodnight its bedtime well see you another day. Then my poor dd doesnt want to sleep and its a battle for me.

My dh told her she cannot do that anymore.

Its not like she lives far and barely sees my dd. She babysits once a week and stops by at least one other day for a few min. Weve spent weekends with them. Like i need breathing space!! I just cant.

The whole over reacting andvtrying to take her from me has to stop and its time i speak up for myself.

Message edited 7/15/2013 10:28:43 AM.

Re: mil vent and advice needed

mil vent and advice needed

OMG that makes me nuts when I have to explain my parenting skills or why I do things a certain way.

I dont get it either. SO ANNOYING! My mil is a control freak and a hyperchondriac in general so I am trying to not personalize it. She does it to all her children, but IM NOT HER CHILD and I don't want her making my dd a neurotic. Shes done that to my dh and her own dd.
Plus she babysits my dd once a week I need to know your not running her to the ER because she scraped her knee. LOL

She will come to my house and my dd coughs and shes like OMG IS SHE SICK? DOES SHE HAVE A FEVER? IS SHE OK? DID YOU TAKE HER TO THE PEDS? Not even exaggerating. Shes at my house for 2 seconds and this starts.

mil vent and advice needed

we have issues with MIL - different type of issues but i can understand what you are going through. i opt to have DH talk to her bc if i do ill just flip out.

however, if you want to speak up for yourself, i would. personally i would find it easier to bring up after it happens again. when she makes a big deal when dd make a peep tell her you to please try not to react that way bc it overwhelms dd and then you can bring up the last incident. explain the "youre ok" response to a fall instead of the "omg panic" response that she has been doing.
i would say everything that you mentioned above except i would leave out the part that you said "i know youre an anxious person" - that can just cause unnecessary drama (at least my MIL would take that one part of the conversation and harp on it for hours and disregard everything else i said).
good luck!

mil vent and advice needed

Thats true. I dont want her to be defensive i just want and need this behavior to stop. I also just need a break from them. Weve had family events for like the last 3 weekends in a row and ive reached my limit lol