Mean kids

I ran into an old friend from HS at the Kindergarten's Halloween parade. We exchanged #'s and talked a few times just catching up. She has a DD on DS's bus so he knew her. Never really spoke with her, but he knew who she was.

She invited us over for some cocktails and apps the night before Thanksgiving for some family friends she has. I told DS and he was excited bc he knew the little girl from the bus. DS likes to believe everyone is his friend and I do teach him about mean kids, but I never tell him to say "I don't like you" bc it's not nice so to ignore mean kids or bullies.
Anyway, we get there and right from the start the girl was so mean to DS. Both my boys (other DS is 3). All they did was want to play with her and she kept yelling that she doesn't like him, slammed her door in his face, etc. I told him to play with the other kids, but he really wanted to play with her. I said something to her mother and she just said, "well... she's just in a mood." He finally found some older girls that wanted to play with the boys. I felt bad bc at one point he wanted to leave and I hated how she was treating him.
Anyway, I asked him this week if he saw the girl on the bus and if she said anything so he said yes. She said, "don't ever talk to me." I told him to stop talking to her and some kids can say mean things so don't play with those kids. Kids can be bullies, but he has to be the nice one and walk away.
So the other day he said the girl said something again and he said to her, "You are a bully and I don't talk to bullies."
I was very proud of him for saying that and being the bigger person. I am no saint mom, but I really try to teach my kids to be nice to everyone. Before kindergarten he was in the special needs class and still gets speech, OT and PT. He's come a long way and I want him to never pick on kids.
I haven't talked to my friend since Thanksgiving. There was no issue, but I just feel weird her DD is just going to be mean to DS. Who even knows if we'd get together again. At least when it's time for elementary they won't be in the same school.
I know I can't put DS is a bubble and he's been very big about dealing with mean kids. He's not perfect either bc I see him and his brother fight and other times they're best friends.
Pretty much DS has been friends with all our friend's kids so this is the first time having a friend who's child is mean to the boys.

Message edited 12/4/2014 10:14:52 AM.

Mean kids

To me there is a reason why the child is like this. And if the mom didn't correct her then there ya go. Children learn from somewhere and I wouldn't associate with these people. It's such a hard thing to do as a parent. Especially when the kids don't understand.

We were at a park recently and dd wanted to drive with a boys nd he was downright mean to her. She was upset I kept saying you don't want to play with people that are mean. She just wanted to drive. She didn't understand. She's 4.

Re: Mean kids

I think you are doing the right thing. I wouldn't even bring the situation up with the mom because clearly she won't be receptive and correct her daughter. Idc what kind of "mood" my DS is in, it doesn't give him the right to be mean and rude, especially to his guest. I would've made my child apologize to your DS. I probably would've told your DS don't even pay attention to my son and give him a cool toy to play with or something fun to do.

Re: Mean kids

I couldn't imagine letting my child talk to another kid like that in my own home. Your ds was a guest and deserves respect. Most moms I know go out of their way to ensure their child treats others kindly. I guess it takes all kinds.

Re: Mean kids

Thanks all. I feel the same way. I would've been horrified if DS was mean to a guest. Especially a child that came to play with him. He would've had to apologize and if it kept up would get time out till he learned we don't treat anyone like that.

I'm glad the young girls (I think around 11 or 12) took a liking to my boys and were playing with them and then they played some with the other boys.
It's not a close friend of mine or one I've seen in years so I'll drop it and not bring it up if we talk again. Just felt so bad and was hard to enjoy myself there bc I was sad for DS.

Usually when we go to friend's homes all the kids are great together and DH and I enjoy hanging out with the other parents. Check on the kids to make sure they're fed and getting along well, but other than that they've always had fun and were good.

Message edited 12/4/2014 1:01:10 PM.

Re: Mean kids

I agree with the others, you did the right thing. I feel like you see a lot of that around us and it stinks, more so with the girls. They most definitely learn it from there mothers! D (out of all the kids) had an incident with a girl that was supposedly her friend and she was hurt by it. I told her to stick up for self and tell her how she felt. She stood up to her and added "if you can't be nice I can't be friends with you"

Is she the youngest by any chance?

Re: Mean kids

Re: Mean kids

Manners, common courtesy, social grace, being polite - these are not thing that people are BORN knowing - they are learned behaviors.

If I allowed my sons to get away with being rude because he was 'in a mood' I'd be raising a$$holes.

Her mother is her problem.
There have been plenty of times my boys are being shy, or can't be bothered or whatever their reason is for not wanting to say hello/goodbye or whatever .....and the other person will say "oh it's fine, he's shy, he doesn't want to" whatever ......Um, no. Unacceptable.

I will NEVER ever force my kids to physically kiss/hug etc someone if they don't want to. But they will ALWAYS know to be polite.
I seriously don't care if they throw a fit before they do it - they'lre going to do it, and they are going to learn

My kids LOVE having other kids over so I've never run into a problem with either of them doing something like that - but if they ever did anything remotely close to slamming a door in another child's face I would be mortified (ESPECIALLY if it was something so bad the other mother felt the need to bring it my attention) and I'd be all over that in seconds.

Honestly? Don't stress over it - and unless you REALLY care about reconnecting with this person, decline the next invitation.

Re: Mean kids

Re: Mean kids

What a little witch! She is going to grow up to be a mean snotty little b****! Shame on her mother for fostering this type of attitude and not teaching her duaghter to be kind and gracious. Kudos for you for keeping your cool and giving your boys good words to use to convey thier feelings to this little snot!

Message edited 12/4/2014 2:50:20 PM.

Re: Mean kids

Ugh I am not looking forward to situations like this in the future. It's sad that there are bullies and their parents really don't care enough to stop that behavior. I'm glad that you taught your son to stand up for himself.

Re: Mean kids

Re: Mean kids

YES! My sisters niece (her sister in laws daugter) is like this. My one DC and my sisters kids get along GREAT and are BFFs when they are together. BUT whenever the other girl is around, she excludes my one DC ALL THE TIME. She shuts the door to rooms, doesnt let DC in, or tells my sisters kids to not play with my kids, etc.

My sisters SIL just laughs it off, i let it go since its rare we see them, but its so heartbreaking when we do.

Re: Mean kids

I have a similar situation. My Dd doesn't get along with DHs nephew. He's kinda mean to my DD. He doesn't let her touch anything, doesn't like to share with her says mean things like, she's annoying and things like that. He's 7. But in this case it's not the parent. His sil yells at him each and every time he gets like this. Some kids are just like that, I'm not saying that all kids that are like that and it's not the parents. I think in most cases it is the parent. I know that I am all over my DD when she acts not nice to other kids. It's really my number one concern, especially when she started pre school. I overheard a little girl tell her dad she didn't like my dd in the hallway when I dropped her off one day at school and it broke my heart. And then I thought, why doesn't this girl like her? Is my dd mean to her? My dd is a very strong willed little girl. But also these kids are 3 1/2 years old. I think a lot of it is the age as well.