Last name help Please

Ok here is a little background. From the beginning my Dh has known that I did not plan on changing my last name when I got married. For both personal and professional reasons. It didn't matter if it was him I married or someone else, I was not taking my husbands name. We had also discussed children and that the kids would be hyphenated. This way they would have both parents last name.
Fast forward to today, (mind you I am delivering the end of December / beginning of January) Dh springs on me that he doesn't like hyphenated last names and won't do it. He wants us to combine our last names to form one last name. So the baby will have both last names. It is basically taking my last name and throwing more letters in the middle of it.
The way I see it the baby will have no ones last name. I am high risk so this could very well be my only child. It depends on how my body reacts for the rest of the pregnancy and after the baby is born. If this is my only child that means that this baby will be the only one with the last name. No mom or dad or even a sibling to share a name with. I just feel it singles the child out and not in a good way.
BTW the hyphenated name would only be 9 letters total so it is not like it is turning the name into a paragraph. Can someone please let me know if I am just being hormonal or if I have a right to be upset? I greatly upsets me that he waits till now to have this discussion. Thanks in advance

Re: Last name help Please

I would be upset too and would not even hear of combining last names - IMO, that's just stupid (again, my opinion, I don't mean to offend anyone who has done this). I'd be ticked off too that you agreed on this in the past and he is just now springing this change on you.

Re: Last name help Please

I wouldn't be upset that he brought it up now because having a future child versus an actual one makes people rethink a lot of things.

If you're not crazy about it, then tell him no. If he doesn't want the hyphenated name, then tell him you can opt for yours.

I don't think the child will care either way but it may complicate things for the time the child is in school. He or she will simply think of their last name as a part of both you & your husband.

Also, if you're making up a completely new last name be prepared to be called Mrs <insert HybridName> a lot.

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I totally understand why you are upset. Does your dh realize that though the name will be hyphenated, that they will probably only be called by one last name?

This reminds me of father of the bride 2, when they come up with alternative last names..

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I wouldn't want to merge the two names either. I would hyphenate it. I know that is what you want to do, but perhaps he will understand that merging two names would be even more complicated.

If the both of your names hypehnated is only 9 letters, how many letters is it when he merges the two?

BTW, my last name is already 10 letters long. My brother's ex gf had a last name with 17 letters.

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Re: Last name help Please

Posted by neener1211

Posted by Maybeababyin08

I totally understand why you are upset. Does your dh realize that though the name will be hyphenated, that they will probably only be called by one last name?

This reminds me of father of the bride 2, when they come up with alternative last names..

Zankman

Re: Last name help Please

Posted by neener1211

I wouldn't want to merge the two names either. I would hyphenate it. I know that is what you want to do, but perhaps he will understand that merging two names would be even more complicated.

If the both of your names hypehnated is only 9 letters, how many letters is it when he merges the two?

BTW, my last name is already 10 letters long. My brother's ex gf had a last name with 17 letters.

Re: Last name help Please

Thanks for the support ladies it is nice to know I am not alone on this one.

Re: Last name help Please

Posted by imyself

Posted by neener1211

I wouldn't want to merge the two names either. I would hyphenate it. I know that is what you want to do, but perhaps he will understand that merging two names would be even more complicated.

If the both of your names hypehnated is only 9 letters, how many letters is it when he merges the two?

BTW, my last name is already 10 letters long. My brother's ex gf had a last name with 17 letters.

His "new name" has 7 letters, I think. He basically took the first 2 letters of my name and added it to his. But our last names are so similar that ir just looks like he spelled my name wrong. So that's what I want. People to think my child got it's last name from a typo.

Re: Last name help Please

I didn't change my name, but the baby will have DH's last name. I had strong feelings about keeping my own name, but not so strong feelings about the baby having my last name. Neither of us likes the hypenated name.

One thing I did suggest was having the baby's middle name be my last name. DH wasn't big on that and the more I thought about it, neither was I, but I know a lot of people do this and it seems to work out well for them.

I agree with you that I would prefer that the baby have either a hypenated name or one of your 2 names. I don't think I would want my child to have a completely different name than both of us. I know I will be called Mrs. "DH's last name" a lot more in the future than I am now, but I am OK with that.

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here's a question....
Why isn't the baby having DH's last name? You didn't want it for you own reasons. And I understand that these reasons existed way before you met your DH. But what does that have to do with the baby? Why can't he/she have DH's last name and when the time is right you can explain why you chose to keep your maiden name.

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What if you gave the baby your last name as a middle name?

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Re: Last name help Please

Posted by imyself

Posted by curliegirl

What if you gave the baby your last name as a middle name?

The problem with using either last name as the middle name is Dh is Jewish. We are using the middle name to do the honoring of the dead with the first initial thing. So technically we could use Dh's last name as the middle name and still stay with his tradition since his last name starts with an H and his grandmother was Harriet . I will spring this one on him when he gets homes.

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I do totally agree that I would be mad because it was discussed prior and agreed upon! It isn't like you sprung this on him last minute! I just want you to think about hypenating the last names. Again, this is JMO...but I teach and kids with hypenated last names have such a hard time pronouncing, spelling, etc.! I do know someone with a hypenated last name on the birth certificate, but actually uses only one last name! Just something to think about!!!

Re: Last name help Please

I agree with an earlier post, that a hypothetical child discussion is different that an actual child discussion - thus I don't know if you should be necessarily mad at him for changing his mind.

JMO - but hyphenating last name is still changing it- its still a different last name from either you or him it is now a merged one last name. If I decided to keep my last name, I would probably have my children take my DH last name. I don't know if its because of tradition, or what, but that is what I would do.

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Re: Last name help Please

To me, the fact that you discussed it and resolved it before you got pregnant means that you really should not change the plan right now while you are going through the stress of pregnancy.

I did not change my last name when we got married. I wanted my baby to have DH's last name and I don't like hypenated names. Obviously, DH had no problem with that, so the baby has his last name. As it turns out, we did use my last name as the baby's middle name. DH loved the idea and we avoided the hyphen thing.

As for your DH being Jewish, giving the baby a first and middle name with specific initials is not really the religious requirement. That is just something that some families do. My own first name is completely unrelated to my Hebrew name and unrelated to the person I was named after. My son will have a Hebrew first and middle name and those are not related to his secular American names.

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What about using your name as the middle name?

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JMO..........I think the baby should have DH's last name. You chose not to change yours but why does the baby have to have a hyphenated last name? Why can't the baby have DH's last name? I think combining the 2 names with out a hyphen is silly.

Re: Last name help Please