Is this a healthy way to deal with things?

I had my MC three months ago. Life has gone on. I have two other kids so I am busy. No one asks how I am feeling anymore so its like everyone has moved on and so should I. I dont think about it but when I do I crumble and cry so I try not to think about it.

I die a little inside each time I see a pregnant lady.

My sister and niece in law are both 38 weeks pregnant and share their excitement about their upcoming babies with me by email( we live in different countries) and each sentence is like a stab to the heart.

I think about TTC again but I am terrified and wonder if I am too old and if maybe this was my warning that I should be happy with my two kids and quit while I am ahead - I know not terribly rational but the thought is there.

Will I ever return to "normal" and will I ever be able to fully face my MC and be able to speak about it without bawling my eyes out.

I kind of feel disappointed in myself that I have not gotten a better grip on this and wonder if there is something wrong with me.

Sorry so long, I cannot vent to anyone else as no one understands and I guess I shouldn't expect them to as unless you have had the MC experience you really dont understand.

If you have read this far, thanks

Re: Is this a healthy way to deal with things?

I think all of what you are feeling is totally normal! I will say that I cried for a very long time, but the pain has eased! I'm sad now thinking that I would have had another baby in a few weeks, but I have to believe there was a reason why that child was taken.

We went back and forth about having another also, thinking why chance it - but I can say that for me getting pregnant helped me to see being a mom of three. I can fully say that if this ever happened again I would not have another - I couldn't do it! I am rambling but I have no power xoxo

Re: Is this a healthy way to deal with things?

Posted by beachgirl

I had my MC three months ago. Life has gone on. I have two other kids so I am busy. No one asks how I am feeling anymore so its like everyone has moved on and so should I. I dont think about it but when I do I crumble and cry so I try not to think about it.

I die a little inside each time I see a pregnant lady.

My sister and niece in law are both 38 weeks pregnant and share their excitement about their upcoming babies with me by email( we live in different countries) and each sentence is like a stab to the heart.

I think about TTC again but I am terrified and wonder if I am too old and if maybe this was my warning that I should be happy with my two kids and quit while I am ahead - I know not terribly rational but the thought is there.

Will I ever return to "normal" and will I ever be able to fully face my MC and be able to speak about it without bawling my eyes out.

I kind of feel disappointed in myself that I have not gotten a better grip on this and wonder if there is something wrong with me.

Sorry so long, I cannot vent to anyone else as no one understands and I guess I shouldn't expect them to as unless you have had the MC experience you really dont understand.

If you have read this far, thanks

Message edited 8/31/2011 5:47:26 AM.

Re: Is this a healthy way to deal with things?

I had a miscarriage in April at 8w5d and I still get sad.

I have found that I can't call one of my closest friends that has a 10 month old because she doesn't know was going to have a baby around Thanksgiving.... and they are about to try again . I can't deal with it.

It really helped me to talk to my DH and my best friend. Just getting it out there and not keeping it in helped. Also writing on this forum has been a great way to let my feelings flow. I also kept saying to myself that this is my bodys way of telling me something wasn't right.

We are TTC again and the first 2 months my DH was not so into it -- I think he was scared. This month it has been his "idea" again so I hope things work out and we get our BFP soon.

I am so sorry for your loss and we are all here for you.

Re: Is this a healthy way to deal with things?

It's hard..for me the hardest is seeing pregnant bellies and hearing people's excitment about there babies that are on their way. I know that sounds awful, but i keep thinking that should be me.
Two doctors have told me that my miscarriage was purely bad luck. I hope that's all it was.
For me personally i really need to be pregnant again in order to feel complete and happy. Until that happens, i will continue to feel so incomplete.
I also have major anxiety over my age. I'll be 39 in October and its making me crazy. I never thought i'd be in this situation. I also feel so bad that i am not able to give my DS a sibling. Boohoo..

I hope u feel better, and I think what your feeling is very normal, you are not alone.

Re: Is this a healthy way to deal with things?

I think it is hard no matter what your situation, and unless someone has been through it they can't really understand.

I am surrounded by babies and pregnant women. Some days I am fine with that. Some days it kills me. I find just being open and talking about what happened is best - trying to keep it bottled in does no good.

My miscarriage was my first pregnancy so it terrifies me to even think about trying again - but I know I want to so badly at the same time. It's just one big ball of emotions - and I think I will be terrified if/when I do get pregnant again too.

We all have to deal with it in our own ways. The ladies on here told me that you never really move on, you just move forward.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Re: Is this a healthy way to deal with things?

I dont think there is a wrong way to deal with things... if you want to cry, then cry... its unhealthy to keep everything inside...

Re: Is this a healthy way to deal with things?

I've found that for me writing has been a huge help. I need to get the feelings out and there isn't always someone there to talk to (and as you said -- if they haven't gone through a similiar situation it's not the same)

I've found a great amount of support for my loss on this board. The FM's from some of these women have helped me more than anything else has.

There are also "pen pal" programs that you can sign up for. They'll match you with someone who went through something like you did.

I also started blogging. It's a way to have my thoughts all in one place.

I was trying not to share all of the feelings and would hope they would go away. Then I explode and it's so much worse. Sometimes it's days to get out of that rut (and I have a DS at home that I need to take care of as well). Now I find if I need to cry I do and it's much better than if I hold it in.

Re: Is this a healthy way to deal with things?

Thanks SO much everyone

Re: Is this a healthy way to deal with things?

ita that you should deal with the emotions in a way that you feel comfortable. everyone grieves in their own way and in their own time. there is nothing to feel disappointed in yourself for feeling or not feeling a certain way.

Re: Is this a healthy way to deal with things?

I think its normal. I know after mine, I was annoyed. More at myself, but kept up the its all good face. Well, I have completely done a 180. Im done. Im done trying, waiting, timing, laying with my feet up like an idiot, done. Im thankful for the one I have. I figure why test fate. I hate to loose. People ask if we are trying, Im quick to say NO! Dh would love another, im sure even ds would. Im not there, nor do I think I ever will be. It honestly pisssed me off my own body failed me. I mean, it took forever to get pg with ds, so I knew it sucked, but then this. Its like a bad break up. i have no use for it now and I am finally comfortable with that.