In a very dark place-long

I am just so down lately, even more so then when my cycle was cancelled. I guess b/c at that point I had at least hope that the IUI would work, (not like the other 3 did but..) So now with all of the bfns and TBAF quickly coming I find myself really down and bitter. I feel such bitterness toward everyone who got pg by "surprise" or without trying. I have one friend who was debating whether to start trying for #2 in Oct or Jan, her sister's wedding is in Jan but she doesn't want to be pg through the whole summer. It must be nice to just speak about getting pg on the first try and really think its going to happen. You know what? I am sure it will for her. I love her but I cannot help but feel very envious of people like that right now. It is very unlike me but I cannot seem to pull myself out of this funk. I was so hopeful that at least the IUI would work. I know I have A LOT to be thankful for, believe me, I am thankful for my blessings everyday but I have now been to this dance twice and its getting really old. Now facing IVF#2 I don't have the optimism I had the first time. I am praying it works but.. Plus now there are 6 shots going into my stomach every day instead of 2. Fun times. I guess I can put my bikinis away during stim. Hopefully it works though. Thanks for letting me vent.

Re: In a very dark place-long

I know the feeling and its so consuming, Im so sorry your feelign it.

Even now that I have DC, I am still extremly bitter at how easy it is for some, that its FREE for some etc...

Re: In a very dark place-long

I think many of us have been in the dark place you are describing where all you feel is jealousy, bitterness, pessimism, and hopelessness. IF takes a terrible toll on the emotions. When I found myself spiraling downward, I sought professional help. Do whatever you have to do to help yourself for your sake and your family's.

Re: In a very dark place-long

I'm so sorry Amanda

I will always envy those who can get pregnant without even trying. When we were TTC, I stopped hanging around the TTC board because it would literally make me sick to my stomach--someone new would show up and introduce themselves, and then post about a month later that they were pregnant.

I've been to that dark place before--but remember that there's a light at the end of the tunnel!!!!! You will make DD a big sister soon, I know it!

Keep your chin up!

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Re: In a very dark place-long

I'm sorry, I think most of us have been to the dark place - I know I was.

You will get out of it, for me it was having a really supportive DH and a break from anything IF-related. I took a mini-vacation, I lost the stim weight, and I got myself mentally back to a good place.

:hug

Re: In a very dark place-long

It's so hard when you are in that bad place...you feel like there is no hope. I totally understand.
All I can say is try to get through each day and eventually you will feel better.

Re: In a very dark place-long

Thanks girls I cannot tell you how greatful I am for each of you and your support and understanding. We are going away for the 4th to Lake George and I think that will really help. I was scared to post b/c I do have a child and I am SOOOOO thankful for her but going through IF with her and again with #2 has taken a toll on me I guess. I have acupuncture tomorrow and that in itself is very theraputic. I will really think about some counselling though. I think that might be really good for me. Thanks again!!!!

Re: In a very dark place-long

I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I have gone thru it more it more than once and it's not a pretty place to be.
Please just do your best to focus on what's positive in your life... and allow yourself to mourn and be negative for as long as you need to be.
I was VERY jealous of women that got PG (my and DHs family included ) w/o trying, or easily... I think it's an absolute normal feeling to feel- you're only human.
We just got asked tonight, to go to a christening in 2 weeks- I told my MIL I had to 'check the calendar' and I already told DH that I won't be attending, and he can choose if he wants to or not. You have to be your own best advocate and do what you need to do in order to get by.
Please know that I'm thinking of you and hoping that your tomorrow is a little brighter. I'm here if you want to talk.

Re: In a very dark place-long

Message edited 11/22/2010 12:16:22 PM.

Re: In a very dark place-long

I'm sorry you feel like this, but you termed it perfectly, it is a dark side.

I never had real feelings of jealousy before this, and I am constantly comparing myself to moms...what did they do, what does she have that I don't? Why us?

It totally su cks... and forget about the teenage / drug user / homeless women who get PG - especially tv documentaries which of course I watch

Re: In a very dark place-long

I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I think we all know that jealousy and resentment when we hear about people who are pregnant because of an "oops" or were only trying for a month or two. When I am in a dark place, like where you are right now, those feelings are all-consuming.

When I am looking on the brighter side of things, I tell myself that the reason others have it easy is because they don't have the STRENGTH that we have. We are all incredibly strong women, and I respect every single person on this board for that strength.

Take the time you need in your dark place.

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Re: In a very dark place-long

Re: In a very dark place-long

I'm sorry you are going through this Amanda. Remember we are all here for you if you need us. I know exactly what you mean about being in a funk and being envious of people who get pregnant so easily. You're only human though and these feelings are totally normal. I really hope you feel better soon and I will keep you in my prayers

Re: In a very dark place-long

I am just coming out of a funk myself...it is not easy. I hope you are feeling a little better today.

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Re: In a very dark place-long

Amanda,

I have no words to say. Mainly because I'm in the same place with you. But, here's some that we both come out of it soon.