If you utilized fertility treatment....

I was just talking with someone and would love to hear your thoughts. Her friend is about to start her first IVF cycle. She was telling me that she went online to find things to say that were supportive. She said she found tons of articles that gave specific things not to say, but nothing that gave specific things TO say other than being supportive in general.

I’m a mom via IVF, and it really got me thinking about what things WERE helpful to hear. For me, one of the most genuine things I heard when I was going through fertility treatment was from a friend who said, “I’m so sorry. This just sucks.” It was true. It was frustrating, upsetting, and isolating (so thankful I had the IF board here). In short, it did suck. So what are some things you would tell someone TO say to someone going through fertility treatment?

If you utilized fertility treatment....

That reminds me of when I went to a counselor for grief counseling. After a few convos the therapist said to me ya Kno what we don't need to sugar coat it. It sucks and it's not fcking fair that it happened etc. Here is this old man (haha) dropping the F bomb, not making excuses of why it's "for the best" or " it was what it was" just the honest truth that it was a fcked up thing to hafta deal with. And jst hearing that was an intense relief. I agree- in some situations pple just need to say, I am so sorry, it's unfair and total crap that this is happening to you.

If you utilized fertility treatment....

I personally hated when people said "whatever happens is meant to be", because that's not helpful. I liked when people were just supportive, said - I'm here if you want to talk - if not, I'm here to just have dinner or go shopping with as normal. People who acknowledged how hard it was but didn't push for details.

Re: If you utilized fertility treatment....

I just liked hearing

If and when you need anything,or want to talk. I’m here

I liked the ball kn my court. Bc the days I could t even get out of bed,the last thing I wanted to do was talk

Re: If you utilized fertility treatment....

"I'm here if you need me" or anyone that just listened and didn't have an answer for stuff they knew nothing about.....not to be harsh but most people couldn't understand so listening and being non judgmental is best!

ETA: stay away from all those "you never know" miracle stories....nothing is more annoying, and now that we have adopted our son i hear them more than ever.

Message edited 3/13/2018 2:05:25 PM.

Re: If you utilized fertility treatment....

Posted by babyfever24

ETA: stay away from all those "you never know" miracle stories....nothing is more annoying, and now that we have adopted our son i hear them more than ever.

Re: If you utilized fertility treatment....

Posted by PitterPatter11

Posted by babyfever24

ETA: stay away from all those "you never know" miracle stories....nothing is more annoying, and now that we have adopted our son i hear them more than ever.

OMG - yes! This annoyed me the most. Or when people say you’re more fertile after having a kid. Um, my DH doesn’t produce sperm. Pretty sure, our fertility status did not change because I got pregnant via IVF.

Re: If you utilized fertility treatment....

I’ve always preferred when people would call it like it is... not “I’m sure it’ll be fine”... or “don’t worry”... just the friends who would be real with me and hope along with me to their core that everything should just work out.

If you utilized fertility treatment....

This is why I told NO ONE when I went through fertility treatments. For two years, I played up the going out party girl drinking persona at work. Meanwhile every weekend I mostly sat at home sad. I think saying things like anytime you want to talk I am here for you is great. Also I would suggest NEVER bringing it up, let her come to you. And saying things like I am so sorry, it’s not fair, it sucks would be semi helpful.

Re: If you utilized fertility treatment....

I was thinking about this and maybe there are no articles on what to say because there really isn't anything to be said. I think just listening and being patient if the person going through things isn't always the most pleasant person to be around is best.
Personally it was always most helpful to talk to other people going though it ,I always say I was "lucky" to have a few real life ( not that internet people aren't real, but not the same ) friends going through it and going through it together did help.

Re: If you utilized fertility treatment....

I had a few friends that would check in and see how I was doing...and they went with the "it sucks but you are strong" angle...and I really appreciated that vs "it'll happen when it's supposed to." I miscarried four times. Nothing was worse than hearing someone tell me "it wasn't meant to be."

I appreciated the people in my life who were there when I could talk about it. My husband was my rock, but my best friend somehow knew to be patient and always let me know she loved me.

If you utilized fertility treatment....

My Best friend went through IVF and I know that all she wanted to hear was, "This isn't fair and it f*cking sucks!" She had a hard time with the comments that said her time will come, etc.

If you utilized fertility treatment....

Someone who was great at listening said, I am here to listen and you can call me at 3am if you need to. You don't have to be alone in your thoughts; let it all out.
Also, my therapist gave me a powerful tool: journaling. It was the best thing I ever did.