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hmm
Sweet
Member since 1/14 8016 total posts
Name:
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I was so sad on the train today
My three year anniversary of being diagnosed with cancer is approaching. Today I was over come by thoughts and emotions on my way to work and began to tear up and cry on the train on my way to work. This always happens as I approach this time of year and I consider this my second shittiest time of year. I always get like this when blood work needs to be done, and I need to have it done soon. My last test/scan/sono showed enlarged lymph and that was in March (I went 2 month early bc I knew I would have no medical coverage after 3/31. 4 months prior to that a "spot" might have been found but not sure because now its a lymph. I have been crying on/off all week especially at night when trying to fall asleep. If I said what I really think or wish I think it would scare people :(
not sure why Im even writing this, but right now I am hating everything. Everything is pissing me off or making me want to cry
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Posted 5/20/15 10:50 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
Eunyboo
<3
Member since 7/12 4376 total posts
Name:
E
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Re: I was so sad on the train today
I'm sorry! It's so not fair that you've been through so much and still have to worry after everything. :( Such BS. Life
really isn't fair sometimes.
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| Posted 5/20/15 10:54 PM |
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apwmjc
Love my little man
Member since 12/10 1901 total posts
Name:
Amy
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Re: I was so sad on the train today
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| Posted 5/20/15 10:56 PM |
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PearlJamChick
No one sings like you anymore.
Member since 7/10 9264 total posts
Name:
Petticoated Swashbuckler
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Re: I was so sad on the train today
I'm so sorry, and I completely, 100000000% understand.
I often feel like life post-treatment is much scarier than during treatment. You're just kind of flung out in the world with not much more than routine follow-ups. Scans and bloodwork are downright frightening.
It's not fair. It's not fair that anyone has to go through this, ever, but especially not young adults like you and I.
I think you are feeling very normal things, given that the hand of cards dealt to you are completely not normal or average. I was at my support group tonight and one of the girls is in chemo now and she was talking about it in detail...I could honestly smell the smells of the chemo rooms and had a wave of nausea occur as she spoke. So I understand what you mean and how you feel.
And yeah - going to sleep is hard sometimes. Too many thoughts. I watch old reruns of Frasier on my iPod in bed anytime my mind is getting the best of me. Ativan is awesome too - can you ask your doctor for some to take the edge off? I don't use it much but it does help for those really rough patches.
Message edited 5/20/2015 11:13:11 PM.
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| Posted 5/20/15 11:12 PM |
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cj7305
=)
Member since 8/05 12296 total posts
Name:
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Re: I was so sad on the train today
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| Posted 5/20/15 11:13 PM |
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Re: I was so sad on the train today
I'm so sorry
Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers
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| Posted 5/20/15 11:50 PM |
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SusiBee
. . . . .
Member since 3/09 8268 total posts
Name:
S
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I was so sad on the train today
I wish I could give you a real hug.
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| Posted 5/21/15 5:52 AM |
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Dani
Life is about choices.
Member since 5/05 6532 total posts
Name:
Dani
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Re: I was so sad on the train today
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| Posted 5/21/15 6:41 AM |
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MsSissy
xoxoxo
Member since 3/07 39159 total posts
Name:
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Re: I was so sad on the train today
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| Posted 5/21/15 6:43 AM |
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summerBaby10
let's be nice
Member since 9/07 10208 total posts
Name:
Wifey
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Re: I was so sad on the train today
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| Posted 5/21/15 7:26 AM |
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Re: I was so sad on the train today
Sending you hugs and prayers
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| Posted 5/21/15 8:33 AM |
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StaceyWill
It's a girl!!!
Member since 6/10 21539 total posts
Name:
Stacey
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Re: I was so sad on the train today
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| Posted 5/21/15 8:39 AM |
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ThreeforTea
Girls just want to have fun..
Member since 5/12 7482 total posts
Name:
Mama
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Re: I was so sad on the train today
sending you hugs
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| Posted 5/21/15 8:48 AM |
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BriBri2u
L'amore vince sempre
Member since 5/05 9320 total posts
Name:
Mrs. B
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Re: I was so sad on the train today
I'm so sorry that you have to feel this much anxiety.
Positive thoughts -
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| Posted 5/21/15 8:51 AM |
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Lara&Aidansmommy
For mom i miss u ETC ILOVEU
Member since 3/07 13921 total posts
Name:
ETC I LOVE YOU
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Re: I was so sad on the train today
im sorry. And please know that I pray for you, sunnyflies, and pearljam chick ALL THE TIME. I lost my mom to cancer and even though i cant possibly feel what you ladies feel. I do know how scary it was for my mom. You all amazing women!!
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| Posted 5/21/15 9:03 AM |
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beachgirl
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 7967 total posts
Name:
sara
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Re: I was so sad on the train today
I am so sorry...I cannot say I understand as I dont but I will keep you in my prayers and I hope the sun comes out for you soon
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| Posted 5/21/15 9:17 AM |
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Lillies
Grateful for my babies!
Member since 2/12 4571 total posts
Name:
<3
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Re: I was so sad on the train today
I'm so sorry hun :( you are a super strong woman who has been through so much. Hang in there! I'm sure everything will work out!
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| Posted 5/21/15 9:30 AM |
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pjt212301
LIF Adult
Member since 7/12 1215 total posts
Name:
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Re: I was so sad on the train today
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| Posted 5/21/15 9:36 AM |
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mnmsoinlove
Mommy to 2 sweet girls!
Member since 3/09 8585 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: I was so sad on the train today
Sending positive thoughts your way!!
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| Posted 5/21/15 9:41 AM |
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ANewDayHasCome
Love multiplies, not divides
Member since 11/12 14481 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: I was so sad on the train today
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| Posted 5/21/15 9:57 AM |
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tourist
Member since 5/05 10425 total posts
Name:
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Re: I was so sad on the train today
I just passed my 3 year diagnosis date in February. I also get stressed around that time & even more so around the anniversary of my surgery (April). It's not even really on the surface or obvious--everything else just causes me anxiety & I have to step back & realize it is b/c of my anniversary.
This April I had a complete melt down on a business trip. It was the day before my surgery anniversary & travelling stresses me out anyway & I was over reacting to everything.
Are you without insurance now? Are you going to be able to follow up on the lymph node situation at some point?
ETA- are you under 40? I just received some info on opportunities for YA cancer survivors & I can FM you the link if you are interested.
Message edited 5/21/2015 10:38:48 AM.
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| Posted 5/21/15 10:35 AM |
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JAPH23
LIF Adolescent
Member since 10/13 769 total posts
Name:
:)
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Re: I was so sad on the train today
I am so sorry. I am coming up on my 3 year anniversary of being diagnosed as well, so I completely get it. Some days I barely think of it, and other days it is impossible to breathe. My doctor doesn't do any follow up blood work or scans which gives me so much anxiety. On the other hand, having the blood work and scans would also give me so much anxiety. There is no winning. You just need to figure out a way to keep moving forward and think positively (so much easier said than done, I know).
I was just in the doctor office the other day and just the bleached smell of the sheets had me in tears. It brings back so many memories I thought I could hide away... but even 3 years later I still remember them like yesterday.
Try to go out and do something you love to do or treat yourself to a present. You deserve it all and maybe it will help just a little bit
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| Posted 5/21/15 10:42 AM |
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MrsD121011
LIF Adult
Member since 5/12 1460 total posts
Name:
Elicia
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Re: I was so sad on the train today
hugs and prayers to you
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| Posted 5/21/15 5:17 PM |
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FDNYWife31
LIF Adult
Member since 8/12 1117 total posts
Name:
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Re: I was so sad on the train today
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| Posted 5/21/15 6:32 PM |
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noworlater
LIF Adult
Member since 2/11 1528 total posts
Name:
Now!
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Re: I was so sad on the train today
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| Posted 5/21/15 6:36 PM |
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