I need MAJOR potty gaining advice

I am completely beside myself. I am so overwhelmed by this process and have NO idea how to help my son.

This is our 4th attempt to potty train in the past year. To be clear, the last attempt was very short lived, only a few days because DS got sick. So the 1st, 2nd and now 4th attempt have each last 2 wks plus. We are currently on day 17.

DS just turned 4 in August so, its time. When the 1st and 2nd attempt failed, I assumed he just wasn't ready. I really didn't get too bent, I figured that like so many other kids I read about, he would just wake up one day be ready and "get it". The 1st attempt we utilized the 3 day method - HA! The 2nd attempt we incorporated some aspects of 3day and a few of our own. The 3rd attempt was a repeat of the 2nd. Finally we are doing a mishmosh of everything under the sun.
He wakes up in the am, he uses a night time diaper, we go right to the potty and talk about how going potty the 1st thing in the am is important because he is a big 4 yr old. I also remind him every morning that the diaper is only for night time and now that he is awake, we don't need it. He has slightly protested about taking off the diaper 1 or 2xs but its never more than a mild whine and then he's over it. We started 17 days ago being off the potty for 3 min / on for 1 and have now worked our way to being off for 13 min / on for 1.
We have a chart and he has been rewarded with toys and promises of his favorite activities (pizza place, bouncy place, etc) for going pee pee. He has even pooped on the potty. It was a process and took a ton of coaxing but he did it. While at home, he is completely nude, except for a shirt. We have tried keeping him in under ware but if he has an accident in them, it doesn't bother him in the least. We are house bound except for his school 3xs a wk for 2 1/2 hrs and his therapy sessions. He wears a pull up during those times.
Now this brings me to the difficulty that we are facing. My son is verbally delayed with some sensory issues. He receives speech and OT, and can speak but is no where near a "typical" 4 yr old. He can't have a conversation and is still at the point of statement talk as apposed to conversational. He will not tell me when he has to go to the bathroom. He repeats a lot of the things we say to him.
We believe he does feel it b/c we can see him holding his pee and poo. His OT isn't completely convinced and has started a brushing therapy on him. It's been about 14 days and I can't say I've noticed any change but my understanding is that its a slow process.
So, this bring me to my question. Has anyone faced a situation similar to this with their child? I'm fine w/accidents, I get they happen. I know that kids have them for a few yrs after they are officially trained. I don't even mind the night time diaper. I just want to find a way to make my son realize that he has to ask to go to the bathroom. Oh, we repeat multiple times a day that if he feels pee coming, he has to ask to use the potty. He acknowledges that he understands but never does.
I welcome and appreciate any advice whether its concerning my direct question or not. I am willing to do ANYTHING to help him with this process.

Thank you!!!

I need MAJOR potty gaining advice

Why does he have to ask? Can you just repeat over and over that if he has to go, he just runs to the potty and goes? I feel your pain, my 3.5 year old has accidents all day unless we make him go to the potty every half hour or so. Potty training is by far the most stressful part of parenting I've yet to endure. My son holds it, but then runs to the bathroom after he's started peeing. While he struggles to get his pants down, he soaks his underwear. I know it has to get better at some point!

Re: I need MAJOR potty training advice

At home he can just go if he wants but he won't. He will just pee or poop right there on the floor. We are trying to teach him to ask so while he is at school or therapy, he can let them know he has to go.

I need MAJOR potty gaining advice

DS has a pragmatic speech delay (he should be diagnosed PDD-NOS, but it's no longer a diagnosis). We tried literally everything to get him potty trained. He was pee trained when he was about 3 and a half. He was not poop trained until he was almost 4 and a half. It was Christmas Eve, he decided to go, and never looked back. I can count on one hand the number of pee accidents he's had, never had a poop accident.

DS was just so stubborn, and did it on his terms. After that he would just run into the bathroom when he had to go, and eventually started telling us when he had to go.

Just keep being consistent with what you're doing. Potty Power is a great DVD that DS loved if you can find it at the library or online. Get books about potty training and read those to him as well. Good luck!

Message edited 9/24/2016 6:43:09 PM.

Re: I need MAJOR potty gaining advice

My son was trained at almost 4. He too has an issue with speech. I understand him, but im the only one. He goes to prek 5 days a week and speech for 3. His pre k is an absolutely no diaper/pullup school. So we had to make sure he was fully trained in time for school. He got it. He says "i need to go potty" crystal clear lol so that helps. Your son will do it. I would really start not giving the pullup except for night time. Question? When hes not at home and in a pullup does he pee or poop in the pull up? Or is he dry?

I need MAJOR potty gaining advice

We had an app called see me go potty. It was a very simple model of how to ask and all the steps involved. Maybe seeing that would help better than just explaining it to him?

Also just want to say don't neat yourself up about it. Dd was hyper verbal,fully conversational well before 2, had extremely good control but didn't train until just after 3. It really can be such a stressful process no matter how ready we may think they are. Potty training stinks!

Re: I need MAJOR potty gaining advice

I feel your pain! My son who has autism turned 3 in May and we are in potty training hell right now. I would've waited to train him but his teacher wanted to start. He goes to a full day special preschool. So I was like ok and followed her lead.

My son is minimally verbal and has never asked to go. She gave us pictures of the bathroom with the word bathroom underneath and had us tape it on our bathrooms and we take him and show him bathroom and point and say it.

We are time training him. She started with 20 minutes. Now we take him once an hour. My son is extremely stubborn and can hold it for many hours and will finally have an accident just out of spite because he doesn't want to go on the potty and can't hold it in anymore. And he could care less that he's wet.

I walked out of be room today and when I came back he was splashing in a puddle of his own pee!!! At school he has had barely any accidents. Different story at home.

But we and school don't wait for him to tell us, we just take him. Once we get him potty trained, then his teacher said we'll work on the verbal piece on getting him to tell us. He wears a pull-up at night.

Maybe try time training him for now?

I need MAJOR potty gaining advice

Have you tried the potty watch?

Re: I need MAJOR potty gaining advice

What worked for us (and we tried everything)

Was the timer. Every half
Hour it buzzed and we just went no matter what. Eventually he connected the buzzer and the sensation to pee. So I made it 45 minutes. After a few days at the 35 min mark he would take my hand and we would have to go

It's such a trying process with a child with speech/OT issues. I've been there

Hang in there. You a re doing great!

Re: I need MAJOR potty gaining advice

Re: I need MAJOR potty gaining advice

Ugh I can definitely relate! My DS also turned 4 in August and he is special needs (non verbal autistic) with behavioral and sensory issues and right now we are working on this, even just tolerating sitting and it has been a nightmare. I've come to realize that what works for one child doesn't necessarily work for another but we are trying.. I'm meeting with his teacher tomorrow morning actually to discuss (he goes to a special needs preschool). I know it will take time since he is developmentally delayed... But I do feel your frustration for sure.

Thanks to the other mamas for contributing ideas (like the timer), something we may try.

Re: I need MAJOR potty gaining advice

I think relying on his to ask if he can go is a big step. We set a timer and had them go every 20 minutes or so. It took a few weeks before they asked or said they had to pee. The other things that worked was immediate rewards instead of promises of things... maybe grab a hug bag of M&Ms. In the beginning we gave them 1 M&M for trying (which had them trying all the time) and then 3 M&Ms for pee and 5 M&Ms for poop. After a while we took away the reward for trying and then the reward for peeing and then all of the rewards when they had it down pat.

It really does take a long time. You're doing great! You will figure out what works for him and for you and he'll get it eventually. Good luck!

I need MAJOR potty gaining advice

My son just turned 5 and is autistic. He has a good vocabulary but like others I am often the only one who can understand him.
We started potty training at 3.5 it did not work. We would try every couple of weeks after that and it just was not working. A month after he turned 4 he received a letter in the mail from the diaper fairy stating that she was coming on such and such date to take all the diapers. And she did. No more diapers during the day. At night he still got a diaper. He held his pee for 4 days and would only pee at night when he got his diaper on. Then on day 5 he got up off the couch and went pee and has never looked back. Timers, books, charts, rewards, nothing worked for him. This was what finally did it. Every child is different and will train when they are ready.
Poop is a whole other issue and a year later we are still failing miserably.

Re: I need MAJOR potty gaining advice

Re: I need MAJOR potty gaining advice

Honestly we started training my DD at 2.5 and finally at 4 it finally all came together for the most part.

We tried the 3 day method, that failed epically. Then we tried a mishmosh of EVERYTHING under the sun.
We tried a combination of timers and rewards. We tried wearing underwear then we tried underwear under the diaper. so she could feel uncomfortable. However...She didnt care if she was wet. A lot of the time it looked like she couldnt feel she was going but she knew. This went on FOREVER. We tried letting her hang out naked that didnt work.

Finally we settled on Diapers at night and underwear during the day with frequent potty trips. You might want to try the pampers potty training app for your phone or tablet. It has a timer that plays a cute tune that you can make up words for to encourage going and asks if your kid was on the potty and if they went and then rewards with a short game.

She likes Daniel Tiger and they did an episode about potty training that had a stupid little catchy song. "If you have to go Potty stop and go right away, Flush and wash and be on your way" We drilled that dumb song into her head. We still do it. But it started encouraging her to try to go on her own and so far we've been almost 6 month accident free! Although pooping is hit or miss right now and she just started waking up at night to go. Dont rip your hair out, these things take a really really really long time.

Re: I need MAJOR potty gaining advice

Re: I need MAJOR potty gaining advice

I need MAJOR potty gaining advice

Hey Ladies,
I never properly thanked you guys for taking the time to post your stories, advice and support. I want you to know how much your support meant to me. We are still struggling.....not nearly as bad as back in Sept. He still wont request the bathroom but is more willing to go if we suggest it. I had forgotten about the app suggestion so we are going to try that next.
We are finally in big boy underware throughout the day. Our next step is out of night time diapers. I hope that any struggles that you were facing with PT have been resolved. Thank you!!!!