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btrflygrl
me and baby #3!
Member since 5/05 12013 total posts
Name:
Shana
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I need MAJOR help...family issues
OMG....I REALLY think I need professional help now.
As many of you know I got into a huge blowout with my mother while PG in August. Didn't speak for awhile...etc.
Well....she just sent a card since we just had the baby and it was chai (In the jewish faith you send multiples of 18 for luck). HER FIRST FRIKKEN GRANDCHILD!!!
Oh...and she was supposed to help my sis pay for some car repairs...she TOLD me she helped her out....turns out that she LIED. I asked my sis if she ever did help her and she said she did not.
My life was GREAT while I was not speaking with her for the 2 months I chose not to....
At what point do I just throw in the towel and give up ON MY OWN MOTHER?
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Posted 1/13/06 4:19 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: I need MAJOR help...family issues
IMO NEVER
Do what you gotta do to stay sane, take some time and not talk but i just do not think i would ever out right disown a parent
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| Posted 1/13/06 4:21 PM |
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Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn
Member since 5/05 27567 total posts
Name:
Janice
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Re: I need MAJOR help...family issues
IMO I would never say never.
To me, throwing in the towel would be done if my child was harmed. Any type of sexual abuse should not be tolarated.
Money issues is not just cause for throwing in the towel
Lying about money would not be just either. I would ignore her, but not disown her.
Sorry about your hardships...DH and I ask ourselves the same questions re: throwing in the towel.. Is is sad because I don't think they are going to change, and it has been going on forever...
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| Posted 1/13/06 4:25 PM |
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Shelly
She's 7!!!
Member since 8/05 14624 total posts
Name:
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Re: I need MAJOR help...family issues
I also agree- you should not disown a parent, without a severe safety issue.
But you need to lower your expectations of your mom (which I realize are already very low) to basically have very little expectations of her. I think its fine to keep a distance from her, but not to cut her out completely. It's sad to think of it this way, but I think that's the best way to deal with the situation.
She just keeps disappointing you- and I realize that your expectations are completely reasonable for most people, but based on your posts, your mom keeps falling short.
Just look around at all the blessing you have, especially little Allyson and understand that your mother will never do what you think she should. Based on your posts she keeps proving that. I'm sorry that it keeps happening, but that is what I think
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| Posted 1/13/06 4:33 PM |
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btrflygrl
me and baby #3!
Member since 5/05 12013 total posts
Name:
Shana
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Re: I need MAJOR help...family issues
it's not just the money, it's the constant disappointment. After all I said to her when I blew up, she ignored it ALL!!!
she is selfish, narcissistic, and down right irritating. I don't think I can handle a visit from her.
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| Posted 1/13/06 4:33 PM |
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Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn
Member since 5/05 27567 total posts
Name:
Janice
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Re: I need MAJOR help...family issues
does she live in GA? if she visits that means staying in your home?
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| Posted 1/13/06 4:36 PM |
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Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: I need MAJOR help...family issues
Posted by Shellyesq
I also agree- you should not disown a parent, without a severe safety issue.
But you need to lower your expectations of your mom (which I realize are already very low) to basically have very little expectations of her. I think its fine to keep a distance from her, but not to cut her out completely. It's sad to think of it this way, but I think that's the best way to deal with the situation.
She just keeps disappointing you- and I realize that your expectations are completely reasonable for most people, but based on your posts, your mom keeps falling short.
Just look around at all the blessing you have, especially little Allyson and understand that your mother will never do what you think she should. Based on your posts she keeps proving that. I'm sorry that it keeps happening, but that is what I think
well said!!!!!!!!!!!!
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| Posted 1/13/06 4:36 PM |
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dm24angel
Happiness
Member since 5/05 34581 total posts
Name:
Donna
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Re: I need MAJOR help...family issues
I dont understand what you mean by it was in chai? And multiples of 18?
Maybe thats why I dont see how upset you are. Can you explain it better?
Im sorry your upset... 
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| Posted 1/13/06 4:46 PM |
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JenniferEver
The Disney Lady
Member since 5/05 18163 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: I need MAJOR help...family issues
I'm First of all. CONGRATS! Your baby is so precious!!!!!
I think what your mom is doing blows in a major way, but she's still your mom. I would disown a parent, in fact I have, and I know this is so frustrating for you, you want you mom to be there for you in so many ways that she just can't... I think you just need to be as polite as you can, take a lot of depp breaths, relaxation, whatevever it takes and just be as nice as you can, then go home and beat up your pillow.
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| Posted 1/13/06 4:47 PM |
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Shelly
She's 7!!!
Member since 8/05 14624 total posts
Name:
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Re: I need MAJOR help...family issues
What I think she means is that her mom only gave her $18 for the birth of her child.
Chai means life. Each letter in the Hebrew alphabet is associated with a number. Chai is made up of letters whose numerical value equal 18. So at Jewish events it is customary to give monetary gifts in multiples of 18- Such as $36, $72, $180, etc...
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| Posted 1/13/06 4:48 PM |
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dm24angel
Happiness
Member since 5/05 34581 total posts
Name:
Donna
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Re: I need MAJOR help...family issues
Posted by Shellyesq
What I think she means is that her mom only gave her $18 for the birth of her child.
Chai means life. Each letter in the Hebrew alphabet is associated with a number. Chai is made up of letters whose numerical value equal 18. So at Jewish events it is customary to give monetary gifts in multiples of 18- Such as $36, $72, $180, etc...
Thanks!
If thats the case...I would be glad after all that happened she at least made an effort. I know you may dislike her and her actions may be cause for it...but you will someday be much older and maybe feel differently. Time changes EVERYTHING.
You cannot change anyone, so shes not going to become the Mother you want probably never, but you have to accept at some point, that maybe she failed you...but so what? You turned out ok....Its HER problem, you shouldnt let it be yours...
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| Posted 1/13/06 4:50 PM |
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LSP2005
Bunny kisses are so cute!
Member since 5/05 19453 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: I need MAJOR help...family issues
Did your mom send you a card with $18 in it for the baby? Money and families don't always work so well. But it would take a lot more than just a card with 18 in it to make me disown my family. I can completely understand why you are upset with your mom, but some people get nothing for the birth of their children from their parents. I think if there is emotional, physical or sexual abuse then those warrant seperation from parents. But unfortunatly no matter how much money your parents have or don't have, after you were 18 they don't have to support you. I am sorry that they are not being nice and gave you a lousey gift.
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| Posted 1/13/06 4:52 PM |
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tourist
Member since 5/05 10425 total posts
Name:
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Re: I need MAJOR help...family issues
Posted by Shellyesq
What I think she means is that her mom only gave her $18 for the birth of her child.
Chai means life. Each letter in the Hebrew alphabet is associated with a number. Chai is made up of letters whose numerical value equal 18. So at Jewish events it is customary to give monetary gifts in multiples of 18- Such as $36, $72, $180, etc...
Thanks-- I was going to ask the same thing. I thought she sent 18 cards! 
Anyway Shana, I'm not so good wth the advice, but
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| Posted 1/13/06 4:55 PM |
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peabody
Love green icing!!!
Member since 5/05 4691 total posts
Name:
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Re: I need MAJOR help...family issues
Shana, you know my issues.
The thing I learned is that I am happier with my Mom in my life. So, for me that was the decision I made because it made me feel better.
But you said that you are happier with your life when she is not in your life. I don't know, if I felt that, I would choose not to have my mother in my life. That's just my opinion and from my own experience.
I was SO ANGRY at my mom and there are times when I still get upset about the situation, but for the most part I am past it.
I definitely feel happier overall having her back in my life. But things have changed too, and I also think that may be the key, is that I think I changed and she changed, so that is why we can have a relationship.
Is your mom willing to change?
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| Posted 1/13/06 6:13 PM |
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monkeybride
My Everything
Member since 5/05 20541 total posts
Name:
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Re: I need MAJOR help...family issues
Sorry Shana
I am going through massive mother issues right now. I made the STUPID STUPID mistake of moving her out here though and now her sick, toxic behavior is right in front of my face and its killing me.
I REFUSE to expose my child to this and I hate how it affects me when she acts out because I end up taking it out on DH and that is just so unhealthy.
Wish I had advice but all I can offer is hugs.
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| Posted 1/13/06 6:46 PM |
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monkeybride
My Everything
Member since 5/05 20541 total posts
Name:
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Re: I need MAJOR help...family issues
Posted by btrflygrl
it's not just the money, it's the constant disappointment. After all I said to her when I blew up, she ignored it ALL!!!
she is selfish, narcissistic, and down right irritating. I don't think I can handle a visit from her.
If she wants to visit do not offer for her to stay with you. Tell her its too much right now with a new baby. I totally understand how you feel. I can't be in the same room with my mother for more than a couple of hours without some drama.
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| Posted 1/13/06 6:48 PM |
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btrflygrl
me and baby #3!
Member since 5/05 12013 total posts
Name:
Shana
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Re: I need MAJOR help...family issues
Posted by peabody
Is your mom willing to change?
No, she is not willing to change, denies that there is a problem in our "relationship", and says my issues are unjustified!
I was MUCH happier when we were not speaking for the short period of time that we were not after I flipped out on her in August.
While my expectations are non-existent for her, it's the disillusion that she lives in that blows me away. She lies, she makes false promises, disappoints my sister and I--and has for many many years.
This is why I consider my stepmother my real mom....she took such great care of us for the time I lived in the house with her. (BTW: there were issues with my stepmom too, but on their trip down here, she apologized to me for anything she may have done or said that hurt me....THAT meant the world to me)
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| Posted 1/13/06 8:48 PM |
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peabody
Love green icing!!!
Member since 5/05 4691 total posts
Name:
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Re: I need MAJOR help...family issues
Posted by btrflygrl
Posted by peabody
Is your mom willing to change?
No, she is not willing to change, denies that there is a problem in our "relationship", and says my issues are unjustified!
I was MUCH happier when we were not speaking for the short period of time that we were not after I flipped out on her in August.
While my expectations are non-existent for her, it's the disillusion that she lives in that blows me away. She lies, she makes false promises, disappoints my sister and I--and has for many many years.
This is why I consider my stepmother my real mom....she took such great care of us for the time I lived in the house with her. (BTW: there were issues with my stepmom too, but on their trip down here, she apologized to me for anything she may have done or said that hurt me....THAT meant the world to me)
It's totally your decison, but I think you should be selfish. If you are happier and more content and more at peace in your life without her, then cut her out. You owe to yourself and your daughter.
By the way, I was looking at the pictures you posted and she is AMAZING!!!!
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| Posted 1/13/06 8:51 PM |
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Re: I need MAJOR help...family issues
Shana- I am not sure to tell you what to do since I have very similar issues with my mother. She has major issues with DH and is very shady to say the least. I just wanted to say that I understand how you feel and how truly horrible it is to have to have these type of feelings about your own mother. Here are some for you also.
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| Posted 1/13/06 8:55 PM |
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peabody
Love green icing!!!
Member since 5/05 4691 total posts
Name:
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Re: I need MAJOR help...family issues
Not to go off topic, but how are your dogs around the baby?
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| Posted 1/13/06 8:55 PM |
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btrflygrl
me and baby #3!
Member since 5/05 12013 total posts
Name:
Shana
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Re: I need MAJOR help...family issues
Posted by peabody
Not to go off topic, but how are your dogs around the baby?
AMAZING!! at first they were overenthusiastic but now I'll hold her at their level and they sniff and walk away. They don't even get up when he cries at night for a feeding!!
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| Posted 1/13/06 9:24 PM |
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peabody
Love green icing!!!
Member since 5/05 4691 total posts
Name:
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Re: I need MAJOR help...family issues
Posted by btrflygrl
Posted by peabody
Not to go off topic, but how are your dogs around the baby?
AMAZING!! at first they were overenthusiastic but now I'll hold her at their level and they sniff and walk away. They don't even get up when he cries at night for a feeding!!
So you were never nervous about having a newborn and 2 dogs.
I LOVE my Hershey and Sarge (you know that  ) but I am concerned about Sarge around a baby. I don't think anything intentionally would happen, but if he got over excited.
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| Posted 1/13/06 9:31 PM |
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JodiBabe
Married for 9 yrs!!!!!!
Member since 5/05 6672 total posts
Name:
Jodi
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Re: I need MAJOR help...family issues
Shana,
Also,
Congrats on the beautiful little baby!!
   
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| Posted 1/13/06 9:57 PM |
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btrflygrl
me and baby #3!
Member since 5/05 12013 total posts
Name:
Shana
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Re: I need MAJOR help...family issues
I was VERY Worried Tara!!! I posted about it several times and even FMed jcndd who also has a rottweiler.
Bailey is so loving but can be very spastic at times (she head butts us ALL the time in our mouth and chin when she's trying to cuddle up). You just have to be very watchful at first and make the dogs feel just as loved with the new member of their "pack". They both watch over her and want to know what she's doing when she's fussing and waking up. Bailye tries to kiss her and Boomer tries to get close to her in the bassinett (kind of funny to watch).
Boomer will actually curl up near me when Alyson is sleeping next to me or turned so that he faces her(I do this in the early AM after her feeding--she seems to sleep longer so I can get some sleep).
They are still adjusting and Bailey still tries to get on top of us and in our faces when we're in bed, but that's the way she is. When one of us is holding Alyson, she is learning to lay down a little farther away.
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| Posted 1/13/06 10:01 PM |
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