I miss my friend

So, there's no question here...just something that I'm going through that I feel the need to vent about - maybe like a eulogy for the death of a friendship or something... who knows..? I never do stuff like this...

I miss my friend...
We met in college and became immediate friends - talked about boys, growing up on LI, our parents, traveling, musical theater, dancing, I gave her her first beer and taught her drinking games... We were really tight by senior year.
We stayed very close as we started our jobs and started to travel the world together. We have been to too many countries to even count together. We have done SO MANY amazing things together.

But now...I just MISS MY FRIEND, damn it!
Why do people have to change?? Here we are 23 years after college graduation. I'm married 10 years - her 2. I have 2 kids - her none. We're in different places in our lives, I get it. My husband works crazy hours and it's hard for me to get out. Her - not so much. Her husband doesn't like us - it's obvious. He's never made an effort to get to know me or my family. She never asks about my children, even though we had quite a scare with our little one a few months back and she needed an MRI and visits to a pediatric neurologist.... She comments on how other peoples children are so wonderful. Not mine. She makes an effort to help other friends who are going through a hard time, but when my house was partially destroyed by Sandy, she didn't even pick up a broom. I don't know why...and I don't know what has happened. She hasn't picked up the phone to contact me since June, but she's been hanging out with mutual friends all along. I want to just say a big F YOU! to this new person who took over my friend. After all the amazing times we've had together, you're going to treat me this way??

I've said it before - but now I'm done. I can't be treated this way. I've tried bringing it up in the past and it's just met with such angry opposition. It's not worth it anymore.

Thanks for listening (reading). I just had to get it off my chest and mourn the loss of this friendship once and for all.

Re: I miss my friend

Re: I miss my friend

I'm so sorry

So many hugs. It's so sad when friendships change

Re: I miss my friend

I am going through something similar with a childhood friend.

It is really hard, and I keep going back for more and we are in different places in our life and it has only been getting worse.

I have been reading some articles about friendship especially long term friends and it has been helping me get through this time.

Hopefully you come to terms with it ending and are able to find peace. I am not there yet

Message edited 9/23/2016 1:01:45 PM.

Re: I miss my friend

Have you ever asked her what's going on?

Re: I miss my friend

I made a really big effort with a close college friend until I had my 3rd kid and then shortly after that went back to work (owning my own business so it was very stressful). Things finally started to ease up for me and although we had drifted I still considered her a close friend. We all turned 40 last year and she didn't invite me to her party, after seeing and hanging out with her a bunch of times. I am done with her now. It hurt me so much to see all of the pictures on facebook with all of my friends there except me. So I guess my moral is, people can suck, even the people that you had close friendships with for 20+ years. Maybe you can talk to her before the friendship is totally over and tell her how you are feeling. Or just tell her you really miss her.

Re: I miss my friend

I went through something very similar about 3 years ago with my best friend since middle school. I finally had to realize that it was over and any resemblance of the friendship we once had was gone. I was putting in all the effort and she just didn't seem to care. It was very hard. Sometimes its still very hard when I see pictures on FB of her and our mutual friends hanging out. She now has a 1 year old daughter and I'm pregnant with my 2nd. I always thought we'd be in each other's lives for these big moments. It actually pains me to know that she has a little girl who I've never gotten to meet. We talked about bringing our kids up together for years and years...it's so sad that it didnt work out that way. But the truth is, my daily life is better off not having to deal with the stress and drama of what our friendship was for the last few years that we were "friends". People change. I'm at the point now where I wish her the best, I'm still sad our friendship died, but I've moved on and I'm trying to make new friends.

I miss my friend

Hugs. It's always hard when a friendship dies. I had it happen with a childhood friend who turned toxic and an adult friend who stabbed me in the back.

Re: I miss my friend

sorry you are going through this. it definitely hurts. just enjoy the good friends you guys have and move forward

Re: I miss my friend

I haven't asked her what's going on this time. But I've spoken to her in the past when she's done things such as go out for a friend of a friends birthday on the same night that is my birthday just because there were more people going to this other party and because the other one was organized before mine was. Her answer is always to be defensive and never say anything from the heart. She deflects and throws it back at me. I'm just not in the mood to defend myself with her anymore.... you know?

Re: I miss my friend

I get it. I find that friendships become strained unless the spouses all mesh. I have one friend whose husband makes it obvious that he doesn't like her friends. She even told me that he refuses to go to another friend's house because he likes the husband but not the wife. My friend still wants her friendship with the wife and I do not understand why he can't just go once in a while and hang with the husband.