I feel like a horrible mother...

DD is 19 months old. She has always been a terrible sleeper. I can count how many times she has slept through the night. I am a teacher and was home with her all summer. She started to get on a good routine and even napped for longer than an hour-again rare for her. Since I have been back to work she has been up numerous times a night screaming until we go get her. I am stronger than DH and want to let her CIO. He gets her and puts her in our bed. Another no no for me. She goes to bed fine but ends up in our bed. I know now it is becoming a habit. What do I do??? DH is traveling for the next week. So I am on my own.
Help I am miserable

Re: I feel like a horrible mother...

You and your husband need to talk and make a firm agreement. Either way is fine, but you need to pick one approach and both stick to it.

I feel like a horrible mother...

i feel your pain, when our 19mo gets up, my husband wants to pick him up, rock him, etc. i don't like cio, but he's 19mo old - it's not play time in the middle of the night! i agree with pp, you and your husband need to talk and be on the same page - consistency will be key. good luck!

p.s. you are not a horrible mother!

I feel like a horrible mother...

First your not a horrible mother. I feel your pain! My 15 month dd has had horrible sleep all week and keeps waking up earlier and earlier. Last night she woke up at 330 in the morning and would not go back to sleep.

The most important thing is to talk to your husband. You both need to be on the same page. And you have to either compromise, maybe do the Ferber method instead of straight CIO. but you both have to do the same thing and be consistent.

I feel like a horrible mother...

First off, you're not a horrible mother. The first thing you need to do is get on the same page with your DH. I am not a fan of DD coming into our bed. She does NOT sleep in it. If we try to bring her in she thinks it's party time. But my DH will go sleep on the couch so HE doesn't mind. Of course, because he gets sleep and I don't. So I do tend to let DD CIO if I know nothing is really wrong. If she wakes crying I let her cry for a minute and see if she stops. Sometimes she's just looking for her binky and stops when she finds it. If she doesn't stop and is really upset I will go in and console her, but I try to avoid picking her up. Just like you said, it's a habit and she needs to be broken of it.

Re: I feel like a horrible mother...

Both kids have been in our bed. It's only temporary.

Re: I feel like a horrible mother...

If you want to CIO but your husband has a hard time with it Id take advantage of him traveling to do it. We had a similar routine with my kids until they were a little over 1 - when No One was getting decent sleep in the bed anymore! Took only 3 days with both and only the first night was horrible (about an hour-two) Second night - not so bad (30 min) and third was hardly anything (less than 10 minutes)! Since then - great sleepers with hiccups here and there.

I know while you're working and exhausted its hard not to cave and bring her in the bed. And if you want to that's fine but it seems like you want to try CIO. Even though it'll be hard on your own, it may be easier too because you won't have your husband influencing you. My husband was the same - couldn't handle the crying.

Good luck whatever you do!

Re: I feel like a horrible mother...

If you are willing to do CIO, your DH being away is a perfect time. For us it only took 3-4 days and then it was smooth sailing. i wont lie...the first two nights were rough but the silence after 10 seconds on day 4 was bliss

Re: I feel like a horrible mother...

this was the way it was for us at a point in time until we did CIO. if u firmly believe in it and are unhappy currently, when he is gone... be strong and do CIO. my dd only took 5 days without us buckling. maybe u can break her of the habit before hegets back

Re: I feel like a horrible mother...

Posted by Domino

If you are willing to do CIO, your DH being away is a perfect time. For us it only took 3-4 days and then it was smooth sailing. i wont lie...the first two nights were rough but the silence after 10 seconds on day 4 was bliss

Re: I feel like a horrible mother...

Re: I feel like a horrible mother...

Oh if this is the case - You are pro CIO and he is against because that's his belief then I would never suggest doing it behind his back. Sorry if that's the case. I was giving advice based on my experience where my husband didn't want to CIO only because he didnt want to deal with listening to te crying not because he thought it was wrong and was fundamentally against the idea.

Good luck!

Re: I feel like a horrible mother...

Posted by BaysideForever

Posted by Domino

If you are willing to do CIO, your DH being away is a perfect time. For us it only took 3-4 days and then it was smooth sailing. i wont lie...the first two nights were rough but the silence after 10 seconds on day 4 was bliss

ita

I feel like a horrible mother...

Thank you all for your suggestions and help. I am not doing anything behind DH 's back. He just doesn't want to hear her cry and either do I. I just feel like I am raising a terrible sleeper. We will see what tonight will bring. I am exhausted!!!

I feel like a horrible mother...

Welcome to our life too! We were working on getting her sleeping in her crib ALL night...was going good. Now that I am back to work I am exhausted and she ends up in the bed when I don't feel like getting up another 5 times to put her pacifier in her mouth or something else. Don't feel like a bad mom...feel like a normal mom!