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MrsE323
LIF Adolescent
Member since 12/13 530 total posts
Name:
M
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How would you handle - Visitors
Just curious how others would handle this....
I am due in less than 3 weeks and DH and I live in Virginia but both of our parents and the rest of our family/friends live on LI. I am obviously delivering in Virginia but our parents and possibly siblings will be coming down when we have the baby. We have a 2 bedroom apartment so we don't have room to put up everyone at the same time. I want my parents and my sister to stay with me. They will all be taking time off from work to come down and visit and this is my parents first grandchild. I am not sure when they will be able to make the trip down again for a visit because of their jobs. My DH's parents on the other hand are both retired and come down more often for visits. They can come and go as they please since they don't work. I don't want to be rude to them or disrespect them, but I want them to stay in a hotel and then when they come back in September or October they can stay with us at the apartment. Is there a nice way to suggest this? In an ideal world I'd rather them wait to come down after my parents leave so we are not so overwhelmed, but we are having a bris for DS so they will need to be here by Day 8 no matter what, so the trips will definitely overlap. I am starting to get worried thinking about how stressful the first 2 weeks of my DS's life is going to be with all these people in the apartment and wish we could somehow put off having everyone come at the same time. Anyone have any thoughts on how to not hurt anyone's feelings? I know its gonna be a sensitive subject for both families. We have great relationships with both sides and I know everyone just wants to meet DS ASAP but I am getting a little overwhelmed thinking about it.
Message edited 6/10/2014 12:17:26 PM.
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Posted 6/10/14 12:16 PM  |
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MrsT809
LIF Adult
Member since 9/09 12167 total posts
Name:
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How would you handle - Visitors
I would just be honest. Your plan makes perfect sense. I'd just have DH let his family know that your family will be staying in the spare room so they need to book a hotel but that they'll be welcome to stay with you in the future. As far as being overwhelmed with everyone there, you just have to be clear with what you need and not worry to much about other people's feelings. If you need some quiet time, just take the baby into your room and shut the door. Let them know you need a rest. You'll get alone time with your family while you IL's are at the hotel and you'll get alone time with the IL's at the next visit. Just don't hesitate to take time away whenever you need it. We had family here everyday for the first few weeks and it was a big help. They cooked, cleaned, did laundry, got groceries. Make sure you take advantage of the help while you have it!
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| Posted 6/10/14 12:25 PM |
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jessnbrian
Only God knows His plan for us
Member since 4/13 7238 total posts
Name:
Jessica
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Re: How would you handle - Visitors
Posted by MrsT809
I would just be honest. Your plan makes perfect sense. I'd just have DH let his family know that your family will be staying in the spare room so they need to book a hotel but that they'll be welcome to stay with you in the future. As far as being overwhelmed with everyone there, you just have to be clear with what you need and not worry to much about other people's feelings. If you need some quiet time, just take the baby into your room and shut the door. Let them know you need a rest. You'll get alone time with your family while you IL's are at the hotel and you'll get alone time with the IL's at the next visit. Just don't hesitate to take time away whenever you need it. We had family here everyday for the first few weeks and it was a big help. They cooked, cleaned, did laundry, got groceries. Make sure you take advantage of the help while you have it!
I completely agree with this 100%. I think that logistically, there is no other way, anyway. I'm sure they'll understand.
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| Posted 6/10/14 12:27 PM |
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AKD
LIF Adult
Member since 1/12 2637 total posts
Name:
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Re: How would you handle - Visitors
Since you have great relationships with both sides, I'd think if you guys are honest with them and just talked to them about it, that they would totally understand. Have your DH and you can also depending on your relationship talk to your IL's and just let them know the situation, maybe even offer to cover some of the cost in case that might be an issue? I have a feeling they'll understand as long as you guys are completely honest with them. Like PP said, having everyone there I'm sure will also be super helpful and just take whatever private time you need whenever you need it to make sure you take care of yourself and what you need for your LO.
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| Posted 6/10/14 12:27 PM |
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NYCGirl80
I love my kiddies!
Member since 5/11 10413 total posts
Name:
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Re: How would you handle - Visitors
I'm a little confused about the problem. Your in-laws obviously know you only have a 2-bedroom so they can't expect to share a room with your family. Just have your husband speak to them matter of factly. I'd pose it as - We are so excited to have you come down when we have DS. Have you reserved your hotel room yet?
Also, agree with the PP that you should take advantage of all the help you can get. You won't have the time or energy to cook or clean, so be happy that others will be around to help you. That first week home I couldn't even find the time to shower on some days!
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| Posted 6/10/14 1:05 PM |
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Loveme
LIF Adult
Member since 6/11 3170 total posts
Name:
Me
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How would you handle - Visitors
If it were me personally I would ask everyone, including your side, to stay at a hotel. I couldn't picture having 3 extra people stay in my 2 bedroom apartment. They an come and stay all day and leave late at night. That's just my opinion of course.
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| Posted 6/10/14 2:04 PM |
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Katareen
5,000 Posts!
Member since 4/10 7180 total posts
Name:
Katherine
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Re: How would you handle - Visitors
Posted by Loveme
If it were me personally I would ask everyone, including your side, to stay at a hotel. I couldn't picture having 3 extra people stay in my 2 bedroom apartment. They an come and stay all day and leave late at night. That's just my opinion of course.
I agree with this...I loved having extra hands for help, but I also liked having a little bit of privacy at the end of the day and in the morning.
Will your DH be home from work this whole time as well?
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| Posted 6/10/14 2:24 PM |
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MrsE323
LIF Adolescent
Member since 12/13 530 total posts
Name:
M
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Re: How would you handle - Visitors
Posted by Katareen
Posted by Loveme
If it were me personally I would ask everyone, including your side, to stay at a hotel. I couldn't picture having 3 extra people stay in my 2 bedroom apartment. They an come and stay all day and leave late at night. That's just my opinion of course.
I agree with this...I loved having extra hands for help, but I also liked having a little bit of privacy at the end of the day and in the morning.
Will your DH be home from work this whole time as well?
Yes my DH will be home for 10 days. Even though its only a 2 bedroom apartment thankfully its very spacious so we wont be cramped, its just the nighttime sleeping that will be tight.
I do wish one of the sides (his) would wait till DH was back at work to come down and help but everyone is just so excited and wants to be here ASAP. My family is super helpful, willing to do stuff for me and I know they will jump right in and know what to do to help out. They also are very independent and will leave us alone and do their own thing. I am not worried about them at all. DH's family I am more worried about. They are so good to us and they mean well but they don't like to do any housework and his mom has a bit of an intense personality. They like to be treated like guests and will never venture out on their own when here visiting. Any time they leave after a visit we are exhausted from her. I don't see them being helpful like my parents will be which is why I want them in the hotel. I can see them being in the way just sitting on the couch all day LOL. I just feel bad because its their grandchild too so I dont want to hurt their feelings.
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| Posted 6/10/14 2:58 PM |
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evrythng4areason
And then there were 4
Member since 1/10 5224 total posts
Name:
Kayla
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How would you handle - Visitors
I would feel bad choosing one side over the other and would probably ask both sides to stay at a hotel. I also agree with it being nice to have some space for just you and DH at the end of the day to start the new part of your life together
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| Posted 6/10/14 4:07 PM |
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Otherme
Square head cutie pants
Member since 3/06 6899 total posts
Name:
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Re: How would you handle - Visitors
i like the idea of both families being at a hotel.
I'd feel bad about having guests staying over, and having a newborn who may or may not be crying all night and keeping them up as well you know?
Even if the baby is in your room, you may want to walk around with them etc to soothe the baby and you don't want to feel constrained in your own house when you first come home
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| Posted 6/10/14 4:12 PM |
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jessnbrian
Only God knows His plan for us
Member since 4/13 7238 total posts
Name:
Jessica
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Re: How would you handle - Visitors
Posted by evrythng4areason
I would feel bad choosing one side over the other and would probably ask both sides to stay at a hotel. I also agree with it being nice to have some space for just you and DH at the end of the day to start the new part of your life together
I wouldn't. I think I'd want my mom around to help out. But, I have to add, my MIL is not a baby person. When her first grandchild was born, she basically met him and left within an hour and didn't see him again for a few months. Who knows though, by the time it comes, DH and I might want it to be just us for a while!
Message edited 6/10/2014 4:15:12 PM.
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| Posted 6/10/14 4:14 PM |
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PitterPatter11
Baby Boy is Here!
Member since 5/11 7632 total posts
Name:
Momma <3
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Re: How would you handle - Visitors
Posted by Loveme
If it were me personally I would ask everyone, including your side, to stay at a hotel. I couldn't picture having 3 extra people stay in my 2 bedroom apartment. They an come and stay all day and leave late at night. That's just my opinion of course.
I agree with this - esp in the beginning. Our families just came to the hospital for day 1 and 2 and then went home. (They both live three hours away). Week 3 my mom came up to help after DH went back to work. My MIL came up for week 4. Like others said, def take whatever help they are offering. You'll need it!
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| Posted 6/10/14 7:12 PM |
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MrsE323
LIF Adolescent
Member since 12/13 530 total posts
Name:
M
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How would you handle - Visitors
Thank you everyone for sharing your insight!
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| Posted 6/11/14 8:13 AM |
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nraboni
Uggh...
Member since 10/09 6905 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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How would you handle - Visitors
IMHO, I would ask all parties to stay at a hotel since there will be an overlap and you don't want to pick a "side". Also, from my experience with DD, this is your first child and you don't know how you are going to feel when you get home. You will want some alone time with DH and LO. Even though your family is super helpful, its nice to have people visit and leave.
When I brought DD home from the hospital my DH's mom and grandma were there. They are a mix of helpful and needing to be treated like guests. That was the last thing I wanted to deal with when I just had a baby. I am also a control freak and felt I had to do things because they were there when all I really wanted to do was spend time with my baby.
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| Posted 6/11/14 10:22 AM |
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lynnd126
LIF Adult
Member since 3/11 2630 total posts
Name:
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How would you handle - Visitors
How long will your parents stay? Is it possible for your inlaws to come in the morning of the bris and your parents to leave that day or the next? I would say to mil that I was hoping to have some help after my mom leaves and dh is about to go back to work and that my parents are coming days 1-8, could you guys come days 8 - whatever? If u want the help I mean, I would pose it like that. If it overlaps for one night I'm sure you guys can deal.
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| Posted 6/11/14 4:02 PM |
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Alli06
Baby #3 coming this June
Member since 8/05 6721 total posts
Name:
A
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Re: How would you handle - Visitors
Posted by Loveme
If it were me personally I would ask everyone, including your side, to stay at a hotel. I couldn't picture having 3 extra people stay in my 2 bedroom apartment. They an come and stay all day and leave late at night. That's just my opinion of course.
Completely agree! I have been through this three times now and I don't even like people coming over for a visit the first day I'm home. My hormones are all a mess and i I'm instantly overwhelmed when I walk through my door. Even after going through it three times. I'm usually crying. I just had a baby 6 days ago so just going over how I usually feel. It's great to have help definetely but you also want quiet time and space. Having all those people, even your own family in your 2 bedroom apartment is going to be overwhelming. JMO
And to me your in laws staying to is not even an option. I'm actually suprised they would even think they would be staying with you guys. Especially since you will have guests. Right now everything sounds, but you have no idea how you will actually feel. It's a shock to the system having a baby. Nothing you can explain until you experience for yourself.
Message edited 6/11/2014 10:52:06 PM.
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| Posted 6/11/14 10:40 PM |
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