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Funkybutt
LIF Adult
Member since 4/15 3049 total posts
Name:
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How to not be negative?
I've always tended to be more of a glass half empty person, even though I can still see the positive in most situations. Additonally, I have low self esteem so I tend to think negative and mean thoughts about others (but would NEVER say them to someone's face or behind their back). I know a lot of what I think is my own insecurities (ex. when I see someone that's overweight and wearing something unflattering).
I felt like I was the negative person at my last job and I tried keeping my mouth shut so I wouldn't come across so harsh. But I've been unhappy for a long time (unhappily married), but I'm trying to change things. I'm even more unhappy now (dealing with the separation, unhappy job, etc) so it makes it hard to pull myself up and be outwardly positive.
How do you change your natural instinct to be more positive in life? I'd also like to figure out how to remove the thoughts in my head bc I feel the negative swirls in there while trying not to reflect it outwardly - which then causes me to wallow in the negative. I tend to gravitate to fun loving people and I wish I could be more like them.
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Posted 12/20/17 4:37 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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Adri
Joy!
Member since 5/05 3116 total posts
Name:
A
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Re: How to not be negative?
Gratitude. That's what helps me when I feel down or negative. Living in the present and being grateful for whatever is happening in the moment... a nice weather, that I'm healthy, that I'm eating something I like, my DS, my bed, a nice shower, my cat, etc... And I really feel that those thoughts bring good things, or maybe I'm more focused on the good things.
Also, sometimes I have mantras that I repeat when I'm walking, and if I have any negative thought I cross it out in my mind and I start repeating mantras with good words of things I want to attract for me 
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| Posted 12/20/17 6:54 PM |
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JME78
LIF Adult
Member since 11/09 3672 total posts
Name:
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How to not be negative?
I had low self esteem in my early 20s and a good therapist helped me with thought replacement and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Worked wonders for me.
I don't think I am naturally a positive person, but I made a decision years ago that I was no longer going to be negative, I made (and make) a conscious choice to focus on the positives. It really is a choice. Mindfulness practices help to keep me in the moment which makes me more positive overall!
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| Posted 12/20/17 7:10 PM |
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hmm
Sweet
Member since 1/14 8012 total posts
Name:
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How to not be negative?
both replies are well said
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| Posted 12/20/17 8:26 PM |
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mommy2be716
LIF Adult
Member since 1/16 2921 total posts
Name:
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How to not be negative?
mindfulness training- you can youtube the meditation videos. Also, the app Simple Habit is great. I try to use the app each day on my way home from work and do the car meditation. It's only a few mins but it helps to destress after the workday and re-boost. Still to early to say if it made a huge difference yet, but I definitely feel "lighter"
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| Posted 12/20/17 8:26 PM |
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Funkybutt
LIF Adult
Member since 4/15 3049 total posts
Name:
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Re: How to not be negative?
Posted by mommy2be716
mindfulness training- you can youtube the meditation videos. Also, the app Simple Habit is great. I try to use the app each day on my way home from work and do the car meditation. It's only a few mins but it helps to destress after the workday and re-boost. Still to early to say if it made a huge difference yet, but I definitely feel "lighter"
I have the Stop Calm Breathe app that I tend to use only when I'm having a really rough time. I always seem to forget to meditate/mindfullness on a regular day. I should try to get in the habit of doing it at the same time each day so I don;t forget.
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| Posted 12/20/17 8:41 PM |
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alli3131
Peanut is here!!!!!!
Member since 5/09 18388 total posts
Name:
Allison
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How to not be negative?
Therapy!!!!
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| Posted 12/20/17 10:03 PM |
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gina409
TWINS!
Member since 12/09 27635 total posts
Name:
g
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Re: How to not be negative?
I always just try to say to myself
Someone wishes they are in this exact moment I am in
For example. Kids driving me nuts. Couples are crying for a positive pregnancy test
Getting crazy with Christmas..I have gifts for my kids. Some don’t
Etc. Does that mean I’m happy all day every day. No of course not But I always keep with me how lucky I am
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| Posted 12/20/17 10:41 PM |
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LuckyStar
LIF Adult
Member since 7/14 7274 total posts
Name:
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How to not be negative?
I haven't had a positive thought in about 20 years. I try to be mindful of how my negativity reflects on me and how it affects other people. It doesn't always work.
As far as natural instinct, I don't know what you would do about that. I can't see myself ever being anything but a cynic. For me, it's just having the self awareness to curb it when it's inappropriate. It's exhausting!
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| Posted 12/20/17 10:50 PM |
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EricaAlt
LIF Adult
Member since 7/08 22665 total posts
Name:
Erica
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Re: How to not be negative?
A lot of great answers on here. I'm not so much a negative person, but I do go through stages once in a while where I have to stop and reflect on life. Where I'm at compared to where I've been.
SOme thing I do -
long walks (especially outdoors by yourself where you can reflect on things and take in the beauty of nature too)
a moment to myself
a good book
Walking in the sand is so theraputic to me.
friends
Of course you need to also seek therapy as well and let yourself enjoy something you want to do. Be selfish if you need to.
Hope you feel better!
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| Posted 12/21/17 7:34 AM |
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PhyllisNJoe
My Box Is Broken
Member since 6/11 9145 total posts
Name:
Phyllis
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Re: How to not be negative?
Posted by alli3131
Therapy!!!!
This!
Honestly, I just started to learn how to be more positive. Growing up with my family, negative is an understatement. DH is always so positive, it annoyed the hell out of me. Until I went to therapy. I realized I wanted to be more like him (not exactly, he thinks everyone shits rainbows) but a little more positive because I’ve noticed when I am , I am happier in general.
Took YEARS and I find that I must remind myself to find the silver lining in situations. I always felt like I had the right to be as negative as I was because of the shit$y hand I was dealt in life. And anytime someone would say “oh you were poor, well there are poor children Who also have cancer - someone always has it worse” and yes, while that is true, doesn’t make my shit$y situations any better. So now I don’t compare myself to what others may have or going through, I just say - yea, this or that is hard, everything for me is a battle , but I always win the battle. Stuff doesn’t always go the way i had planned, but I always come out the other end with a new lesson learned.
That type of thinking came from therapy. Retraining my negative mind to find the silver lining. Does it mean my life is great and I now too think everyone shits rainbows? No way. It just helps me have better days then I used to.
Best of luck. It’s not easy but definitely worth it. You have one life, why spend it unhappy?
Message edited 12/21/2017 8:07:42 AM.
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| Posted 12/21/17 8:05 AM |
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Funkybutt
LIF Adult
Member since 4/15 3049 total posts
Name:
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How to not be negative?
I'm already in therapy (getting over anxiety - flying and driving - and dealing with the separation). Those tend to take up a lot of time in the sessions and I was thinking that there might be other ways to try to change my natural inclination in the meantime.
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| Posted 12/21/17 8:45 AM |
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PhyllisNJoe
My Box Is Broken
Member since 6/11 9145 total posts
Name:
Phyllis
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Re: How to not be negative?
Posted by Funkybutt
I'm already in therapy (getting over anxiety - flying and driving - and dealing with the separation). Those tend to take up a lot of time in the sessions and I was thinking that there might be other ways to try to change my natural inclination in the meantime.
I never went to therapy for my negative thinking. I was there everything. Anxiety, sadness from loss, infertility, etc. it’s all of those things that kept my negative thinking fueled. Once I worked through ways to cope with all of that, the negativity slowly changed. It’s not an overnight thing. The only thing I can compare it to is going on a diet. You need to because your cholesterol is high. You lose weight and not only does that drop but you feel better, you are more active, etc etc. you do it for one thing and other stuff follows.
Mention your negativity at your next session and see what the dr. says
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| Posted 12/21/17 9:02 AM |
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Salason
♥
Member since 6/05 9878 total posts
Name:
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Re: How to not be negative?
Posted by PhyllisNJoe
Posted by Funkybutt
I'm already in therapy (getting over anxiety - flying and driving - and dealing with the separation). Those tend to take up a lot of time in the sessions and I was thinking that there might be other ways to try to change my natural inclination in the meantime.
I never went to therapy for my negative thinking. I was there everything. Anxiety, sadness from loss, infertility, etc. it’s all of those things that kept my negative thinking fueled. Once I worked through ways to cope with all of that, the negativity slowly changed. It’s not an overnight thing. The only thing I can compare it to is going on a diet. You need to because your cholesterol is high. You lose weight and not only does that drop but you feel better, you are more active, etc etc. you do it for one thing and other stuff follows.
Mention your negativity at your next session and see what the dr. says
ITA with this. It takes time. It also takes the right therapist so make sure yours is a good fit. I've had therapists who have made it worse not better.
Another HUGE thing that helped me is eliminating ALL of the negative people from my life. And I mean all of them. Family members, friends, boyfriends who brought me down are all gone. I surround myself with happy and positive people and it has had a major impact on me. That and therapy took me from an anxious stressed out mess to a laid back, live in the moment person and it permeates into everything.
Things will get better
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| Posted 12/21/17 9:23 AM |
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Re: How to not be negative?
When I am faced with a negative situation, I tell myself that two options exist: (a) I can either find a solution to it, or (b) It cannot be solved, so I have to deal with it.
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| Posted 12/21/17 9:43 AM |
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BargainMama
LIF Adult
Member since 5/09 15660 total posts
Name:
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Re: How to not be negative?
My honest opinion? I don't think you can change those things unless you get into deep therapy. I know many people who are just negative nellies ALL the time, and who actually express their negative thoughts outloud. I truly don't think it's fixable for most. Just wired differently I suppose
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| Posted 12/21/17 10:45 AM |
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