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Budjeg11
LIF Adult
Member since 4/11 2642 total posts
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How to nicely say no..... birthday party etiquette
I'm sure this has been asked before but I could use some help in how to word a response...
My daughter's classmate's parent asked if they could bring an older sibling to my daughter's birthday party. They did not give me a reason but I am guessing it may be because they dont want to or cant find childcare for the older sibling. I am at my max number of guests included in our party package so would have to pay out of pocket for any additional guests at this point which I rather not do. How do I nicely say no to their request?
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Posted 5/1/19 12:36 PM  |
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Nickles01
LIF Infant
Member since 3/16 165 total posts
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How to nicely say no..... birthday party etiquette
I've found that most parents that ask also offer to pay...
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| Posted 5/1/19 12:38 PM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54917 total posts
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..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: How to nicely say no..... birthday party etiquette
I would say something like- "oh, i'm so sorry but we are at the max limit that the place can accommodate for guests. If you need to bring the older sibling, they will not be able to participate."
So if they want to bring the older child, they will have to have them sit there with an ipad or a book or something. I have had people do that. The older kid didn't participate in the party
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| Posted 5/1/19 12:38 PM |
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LuckyStar
LIF Adult
Member since 7/14 7272 total posts
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Re: How to nicely say no..... birthday party etiquette
Posted by NervousNell
I would say something like- "oh, i'm so sorry but we are at the max limit that the place can accommodate for guests. If you need to bring the older sibling, they will not be able to participate."
So if they want to bring the older child, they will have to have them sit there with an ipad or a book or something. I have had people do that. The older kid didn't participate in the party
This and say that of course if there’s a no show they are welcome to participate. I would have a goody bag and food/cake available for the child if possible.
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| Posted 5/1/19 12:41 PM |
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Katareen
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How to nicely say no..... birthday party etiquette
I would just say sorry, the place allows for only 15 guests and we are at the limit.
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| Posted 5/1/19 12:42 PM |
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gina409
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Re: How to nicely say no..... birthday party etiquette
Posted by LuckyStar
Posted by NervousNell
I would say something like- "oh, i'm so sorry but we are at the max limit that the place can accommodate for guests. If you need to bring the older sibling, they will not be able to participate."
So if they want to bring the older child, they will have to have them sit there with an ipad or a book or something. I have had people do that. The older kid didn't participate in the party
This and say that of course if there’s a no show they are welcome to participate. I would have a goody bag and food/cake available for the child if possible.
This!
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| Posted 5/1/19 12:42 PM |
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JME78
LIF Adult
Member since 11/09 3672 total posts
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Re: How to nicely say no..... birthday party etiquette
Posted by Katareen
I would just say sorry, the place allows for only 15 guests and we are at the limit.
Yes, it doesn't need to be more complicated than this.
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| Posted 5/1/19 12:51 PM |
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BargainMama
LIF Adult
Member since 5/09 15657 total posts
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Re: How to nicely say no..... birthday party etiquette
Posted by JME78
Posted by Katareen
I would just say sorry, the place allows for only 15 guests and we are at the limit.
Yes, it doesn't need to be more complicated than this.
Yup, and I might also say that she is welcome to drop the invited child off if she has childcare issues. (of course if you are okay with that)
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| Posted 5/1/19 1:18 PM |
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jamnmore
LIF Adult
Member since 6/16 989 total posts
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How to nicely say no..... birthday party etiquette
I don't understand why the uninvited child can not be there but not participate in the party. I am sure there is a place that child could sit and be content for 2 hours. I would not have a goody bag for a child that was not invited. I would explain that the child can come but not participate in the festivities.
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| Posted 5/1/19 1:26 PM |
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EricaAlt
LIF Adult
Member since 7/08 22665 total posts
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Erica
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Re: How to nicely say no..... birthday party etiquette
Posted by jamnmore
I don't understand why the uninvited child can not be there but not participate in the party. I am sure there is a place that child could sit and be content for 2 hours. I would not have a goody bag for a child that was not invited. I would explain that the child can come but not participate in the festivities.
I think that's what she was asking. That someone asked about bringing a sibling and she needs a polite way of saying they can't participate... that's my guess.
To the PP... as others said just let her know you are at max so if she comes she just can't participate. The party place has strict rules.
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| Posted 5/1/19 1:59 PM |
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Budjeg11
LIF Adult
Member since 4/11 2642 total posts
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Re: How to nicely say no..... birthday party etiquette
Posted by EricaAlt
Posted by jamnmore
I don't understand why the uninvited child can not be there but not participate in the party. I am sure there is a place that child could sit and be content for 2 hours. I would not have a goody bag for a child that was not invited. I would explain that the child can come but not participate in the festivities.
I think that's what she was asking. That someone asked about bringing a sibling and she needs a polite way of saying they can't participate... that's my guess.
To the PP... as others said just let her know you are at max so if she comes she just can't participate. The party place has strict rules.
They can but its at a place where everything happens in one room and it seems pretty terrible to have a young kid sit on a bench while everyone else is playing. =(
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| Posted 5/1/19 2:27 PM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54917 total posts
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..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: How to nicely say no..... birthday party etiquette
Posted by Budjeg11
Posted by EricaAlt
Posted by jamnmore
I don't understand why the uninvited child can not be there but not participate in the party. I am sure there is a place that child could sit and be content for 2 hours. I would not have a goody bag for a child that was not invited. I would explain that the child can come but not participate in the festivities.
I think that's what she was asking. That someone asked about bringing a sibling and she needs a polite way of saying they can't participate... that's my guess.
To the PP... as others said just let her know you are at max so if she comes she just can't participate. The party place has strict rules.
They can but its at a place where everything happens in one room and it seems pretty terrible to have a young kid sit on a bench while everyone else is playing. =(
I would be honest and tell her just that. Leave it up to her. If the sibling who was invited really wants to be there and she has no other childcare at all, she will have to make the call.
It stinks but it is what it is.
How old are the kids? Is her dropping the invited child off and coming back later to pick them up an option?
Message edited 5/1/2019 2:34:46 PM.
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| Posted 5/1/19 2:34 PM |
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Katareen
5,000 Posts!
Member since 4/10 7179 total posts
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Katherine
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How to nicely say no..... birthday party etiquette
What did people do 30 years ago? I’m pretty sure I never ever participated in parties that my brother or sister were invited to.
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| Posted 5/1/19 4:38 PM |
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TTCwithHope
LIF Infant
Member since 4/10 296 total posts
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M
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Re: How to nicely say no..... birthday party etiquette
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Message edited 6/4/2019 8:30:32 PM.
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| Posted 5/1/19 5:39 PM |
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mommy2be716
LIF Adult
Member since 1/16 2921 total posts
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How to nicely say no..... birthday party etiquette
I would just say "no sorry, we already reached the max amount of kids. Feel free to drop *child* at the party and you can pick them up afterwards"
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| Posted 5/1/19 7:13 PM |
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abcdefghi
LIF Adolescent
Member since 5/13 685 total posts
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How to nicely say no..... birthday party etiquette
I would ask her if the siblings name was on the invitation??
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| Posted 5/1/19 9:05 PM |
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Mrs213
????????
Member since 2/09 18986 total posts
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Re: How to nicely say no..... birthday party etiquette
Posted by abcdefghi
I would ask her if the siblings name was on the invitation??
That would be an obnoxious response.
All OP needs to do is say sorry party is at max capacity.
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| Posted 5/1/19 10:23 PM |
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Christine2
LIF Adult
Member since 2/09 1216 total posts
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Re: How to nicely say no..... birthday party etiquette
Say yes and no. Yes, you can bring your child along but we are at the max capacity for guest participation for the party. I think the mom just wants to give the heads up that the other child may be there. I doubt she wants the older child to participate on your dime. That is pretty rude. If she has offered to pay for the child, then the more the merrier. Unless it is a movie party or a house/pool party, I have never had a parent ask to have an older sibling come AND participate without paying for him/her.
I can see why (if this is a child 5 or younger) the mom may need to bring the other child. Otherwise, they should be able to drop the child off.
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| Posted 5/2/19 12:46 AM |
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ap123
LIF Infant
Member since 10/10 268 total posts
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Re: How to nicely say no..... birthday party etiquette
Don’t go into detail, just say I’m so sorry we are at the max number of kids.
This is why I hate birthday parties. I don’t understand the mentality of guests making their problem the hosts problem. If you don’t have childcare you decline or find someone to take your kid, or drop off. Asking if you can bring a sibling just throws the problem into someone else’s lap. If I were you I would just say fine bring the kid, but I would be annoyed, not about the money, about the fact that it has to be my issue to solve.
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| Posted 5/2/19 6:16 AM |
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NYCGirl80
I love my kiddies!
Member since 5/11 10413 total posts
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Re: How to nicely say no..... birthday party etiquette
Are you at max capacity for the party or just for how many kids are included in your payment? It's a different response for you not wanting the child there at all vs not wanting to pay for the extra child.
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| Posted 5/2/19 8:55 AM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9508 total posts
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Re: How to nicely say no..... birthday party etiquette
This is a tough one. I don't think that you should do what the others are suggesting saying that you are at the max number of guests the place allows. Unless it is something totally different, most people know that party places have a package that includes a certain number but that you can pay extra to add additional kids. If you are only at the limit for the package and not at the limit for the place, and you say you are, you look like a liar. I feel like I would probably just suck up the cost of the extra child, assuming it's not completely crazy. Also, usually one or two kids will get sick or be no shows so potentially you will get lucky.
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| Posted 5/2/19 9:06 AM |
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Katareen
5,000 Posts!
Member since 4/10 7179 total posts
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Katherine
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Re: How to nicely say no..... birthday party etiquette
Posted by ap123
Don’t go into detail, just say I’m so sorry we are at the max number of kids.
This is why I hate birthday parties. I don’t understand the mentality of guests making their problem the hosts problem. If you don’t have childcare you decline or find someone to take your kid, or drop off. Asking if you can bring a sibling just throws the problem into someone else’s lap. If I were you I would just say fine bring the kid, but I would be annoyed, not about the money, about the fact that it has to be my issue to solve.
I agree. And as they get older it’s just not fair for the birthday child or the guest that is constantly forced to drag along their younger sibling. Kids should be able to do their own thing with their own friends once in a while.
It’s also not a terrible thing to teach your kids that this party is for your sister/brother’s friend and you will go to other parties for your friends.
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| Posted 5/2/19 9:19 AM |
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CSK
LIF Adolescent
Member since 9/11 892 total posts
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Re: How to nicely say no..... birthday party etiquette
Posted by lululu
This is a tough one. I don't think that you should do what the others are suggesting saying that you are at the max number of guests the place allows. Unless it is something totally different, most people know that party places have a package that includes a certain number but that you can pay extra to add additional kids. If you are only at the limit for the package and not at the limit for the place, and you say you are, you look like a liar. I feel like I would probably just suck up the cost of the extra child, assuming it's not completely crazy. Also, usually one or two kids will get sick or be no shows so potentially you will get lucky.
This.
Personally, I have only run into it once. The amount they charge extra if its 1 kid isn't that large. I don't know what type of party it is, but i've seen plenty of parties where the parents wait separate from the kids play area and the older or younger siblings just hang out. Not sure if that is what she meant, or actually participate.
IMHO, its 1 thing if half the people are adding extra kids to the party. Its another if 1 parent asks for a favor. If it were me, I'd accommodate the sibling. I'd also offer to let them drop off and watch the kid assuming I knew the kid/parents.
Every parent knows what the situation is with these party places. Unless you have like 50 kids there, you're not at your limit. i feel if you say no, you look petty, I'd grin and bear it.
Message edited 5/2/2019 9:36:31 AM.
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| Posted 5/2/19 9:32 AM |
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CSK
LIF Adolescent
Member since 9/11 892 total posts
Name:
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Re: How to nicely say no..... birthday party etiquette
Posted by Katareen
Posted by ap123
Don’t go into detail, just say I’m so sorry we are at the max number of kids.
This is why I hate birthday parties. I don’t understand the mentality of guests making their problem the hosts problem. If you don’t have childcare you decline or find someone to take your kid, or drop off. Asking if you can bring a sibling just throws the problem into someone else’s lap. If I were you I would just say fine bring the kid, but I would be annoyed, not about the money, about the fact that it has to be my issue to solve.
I agree. And as they get older it’s just not fair for the birthday child or the guest that is constantly forced to drag along their younger sibling. Kids should be able to do their own thing with their own friends once in a while.
It’s also not a terrible thing to teach your kids that this party is for your sister/brother’s friend and you will go to other parties for your friends.
You're a party host, you're not here to teach hard life lessons to other people's kids.
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| Posted 5/2/19 9:33 AM |
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Diane
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Member since 5/05 30683 total posts
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Re: How to nicely say no..... birthday party etiquette
Posted by BargainMama
Posted by JME78
Posted by Katareen
I would just say sorry, the place allows for only 15 guests and we are at the limit.
Yes, it doesn't need to be more complicated than this.
Yup, and I might also say that she is welcome to drop the invited child off if she has childcare issues. (of course if you are okay with that)
I think this is a good idea. Where is the party?
Message edited 5/2/2019 10:10:39 AM.
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| Posted 5/2/19 9:39 AM |
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