How do you do it? Keeping in touch.

I have several friends without kids. Most of them, I see every few months. A few (who live far away) I see once or twice a year.

I see my "mommy" friends more often because they are much more local, and we get together with the kids when we can.

I would love to sit and call and catch up with my child-free friends. I do, on occasion, and those phone calls usually last for 45 minutes to an hour before one of us has to go.

I should do this more often, and the truth is, I do have the time... but I'd rather spend that time on me, whether that means catching up on DVR, doing my nails, or reading a book.

We do keep in touch via facebook, and email is good too, since I can take my time responding.

Part of me feels guilty... part of me doesn't. In the end, I am still friends with these people, so I must be doing something right... right?

How do you all keep in touch with your child-free friends?

Re: How do you do it? Keeping in touch.

Honestly when I had kids it seems a lot my relationships became distant like yours. But I feel like things changed even after getting married. DH and I were the first in our groups of friends to get married and have kids...shortly after everyone else followed.

I keep in touch with my friend via facebook and the phone. occasionally getting together but we obviously arent hanging out all the time like we used to.

Message edited 1/13/2010 3:35:16 PM.

Re: How do you do it? Keeping in touch.

I'm in the same boat. One of my very best friends in Chicago is hard to keep in touch with and my friends still in the city and Hoboken.

I do it mostly at work. Usually in the car. I was on the phone with a friend telling me a story about some guy she likes and I had to cut her off b/c I pulled up at the house and had to take DS out and get him dinner. It's tough.

When I get in I want to spend my time with DS then when he goes to sleep at 7:30ish I want it to be me and DH time... have dinner, relax, maybe workout, watch TV, etc. I hate holding the phone.

Re: How do you do it? Keeping in touch.

I'm terrible at it. Email, facebook and texts are it lately and even those I have been slacking on. I am also definitely finding that certain of them have put me WAY down on the totem pole because I don't meet their immediate social requirements so that's also made me feel like, why bother?

Unfortunately my reality right now though is I am out of the house 12 hours a day, when I get home, I am doing chores and spending time with DS until 8:30-9, then getting ready for the next day, then maybe watch a half hour of TV in bed with DH. Weekends I am running errands and then trying to compensate for the time I dont get with DH and DS during the week and am exhausted so I dont feel like making the trek into the city to see my friends. And when I do, half the time I feel guility and the other half I feel like I'm the odd man out and cant relate to anything anymore. I definitely miss them but I dont know how to fix it unless I can magically create more time in the week

Re: How do you do it? Keeping in touch.

truth be told, I don't have a very large network of friends.

we have a small core group and we get together every so often for dinner/drinks/brunch.

most of my friends don't have children, but they are very understanding about needing time for self, time for husband, time for baby.

we send emails/facebooks/texts back and forth just to keep a finger on each others pulse, and get together for nice chats and the aforementioned outings when we can, always picking up as if we've just seen each other yesterday.

I have ALWAYS sucked at being a big KIT person..thankfully none of my friends "need" me to be available to them more often. but they all know that if they NEEDED me, i'd be there in a heartbeat and vice versa.

I miss them, but that is the only problem I have with the situation. I don't feel badly about it otherwise.

Re: How do you do it? Keeping in touch.

I was just thinking about this the other day...most of my friends scattered all over the world, some I lost touch with and some I don't care to keep in touch with. The ones that matter to me I *always* keep in touch with, whether its once a week or once a month. We either call each other, email, Skype, whatever. Some of my friends are single, and some are married with kids. I feel like even though we might not talk every week, we still get together once in a while, catch up and just have a great time together like the old days. Its not always on special occassion...just regular outings. I can't say though that I spend more time with my friends that have kids as opposed to those that are single. I spend the same amount time with both. My single friends are pretty sophisticated so when we do all go out, we usually go out to dinner and show, and then a few drinks, after which I am ready to get in a cab and so are they.

I have a big problem with people though that don't bother to keep in touch at all, and then pop up once in a blue and expect everything to be honky dory. Nooo...if you can't take the time out once in a while to call, email or text, or answer a call, email or text, EVER, then I can't bother with you either.

Message edited 1/13/2010 4:08:07 PM.

Re: How do you do it? Keeping in touch.

I don't have many friends without kids. I was one of the last in my circle to get pregnant.

The few friends that I do have w/o kids either make an effort to keep in touch with ME or we've drifted apart. Usually email and FB are enough to keep close ties.

I've really had a hard time getting together with the friends we have that are big time partiers (kids or not). We don't have many available babysitters and even when we do, I'm not looking to get drunk and stay out until 4am anymore... and some of them just don't get it.

Re: How do you do it? Keeping in touch.

I don't, and it is something I have tremendous guilt over, and I really miss my friends. I also have not been able to foster new friendships even though I really would like to. My issue is not due to my child, but my schedule between work and school and family and homework, I am just spread to thin, and my friends suffer.

however they know I will be there in a heart beat if needed, and I do try to spend quality time with each of my friends at least once a year (they all live far away)

I can't wait for my schedule to let up in a couple of years...there are even mommies on here I have really wanted to GTG with, and just haven't made it happen

Re: How do you do it? Keeping in touch.

We talk over FB. Try to go out to girls night dinners when we can. I sometimes find that they are busier then I am because, well, I'm always home with the boys but they are out shopping and running errands etc. It doesn't matter if a week goes by - or three months - it always feels like I just spoke to them the day before.

Re: How do you do it? Keeping in touch.

I am the last of my friends to have kids. So, for a long time, I was the child-free one that didn't hear from them. I do have nieces and nephews who are the same age as my friends' kids, so I knew it was hard for them to be in touch with me as much.

Email is the best way for me to stay in touch with everyone, kids or no kids. I do prefer to talk to most people, but with an email, I can sit and write a long message when I have the time to do it, which could be at 8:30am before my work day begins. I don't get interrupted and can focus completely on what I am saying.

We have also been going through a lot as a family lately and I sort of stopped caring so much about staying in touch because it's not my top priority right now. The true friends get that and wait for you to come up for air. The ones that don't....well, they might not care about you as much as they say they do.

Re: How do you do it? Keeping in touch.

I have a small group of friends that I see with any frequency. Some have kids and some do not but all understand that 9/10 my kids are going to be where I am. They know that I work full time plus and that my free time is limited and reserved primarily for the little people that I have promised to assist in growing up. And to that dude I married. And sometimes I need ME time too.

I will do ANYTHING for any of my friends if they NEED me. One of my friends moved in with us when he had troubles with his live in gf at the time. Another time I packed up my 3 month old and my 2 year old and drove up to Boston to help my girlfriend move out after her boyfriend beat the cr*p out of her. I guess the knowledge that I have been there and will be there when needed allows my friends to put up with less than frequent communication.

Also - honestly - I think I either choose or naturally attract mostly 'un-needy' people as friends! They don't require much of me outside of knowing that I am here and we can talk and that I do care. But weekly 2 hour conversations to recap the week? Not at all necessary!

Message edited 1/13/2010 4:25:59 PM.

Re: How do you do it? Keeping in touch.

I don't have time, so f'em. They'll understand when they have kids.



Here's the thing. We ALL have the same amount of hours in the day. You, me, Octomom, Bill Gates, and the creepy weird guy who trolls around the neighborhood with an aimless shuffle every g-d damn day.

24 hours.

There are some friendships that are, as pp s have said, low maintenance to the point of auto-pilot. There's an unspoken give and take to the realities of life; good times, bad times, we've got each other's backs. I love those Others need a little more care and feeding but are still worthwhile. The group of friends I have are such a diverse group, different ages, lifestyles, romantic situations, career paths, etc that no two of us are in the "same" situation 100%. Both interesting and challenging... Phone calls are not as frequent as they once when I was more available, but they ARE still made and received. FB has been a PHENOMENAL way for me to keep touch with my buddies both a block away and continents afield. If they post pics I make SURE to comment, not just hit the "like" button They do the same for me.
I like my friends. They like me. We work it out.

Re: How do you do it? Keeping in touch.

Even before I had Sadie I HATED talking on the phone. I talk all day long at my job and I just cant stand it.

I am totally an email,text,FB person. It is really hard for me to talk on the phone unless I am driving.

Re: How do you do it? Keeping in touch.

honestly I have to admit, I see and keep in touch with mommy friends a lot more easily now (especially with playdates), it's so strange how fast it does change. I'm with you on the fact that when I do have time when Joey is napping during the day but I use that for "me" time as well...and "me" time does include, laundry, dinner but also includes...email, facebook, LIF...etc.etc..

I sometimes set up phone dates,especially with my girls from college who are mostly in MD.
I def. use email A LOT

it's not easy but I will say my girls from home do keep me in the loop on everything and still include me if they are going out for drinks, dinner, bar..etc

Message edited 1/13/2010 5:00:58 PM.

Re: How do you do it? Keeping in touch.

All of my friends are my "child-free friends". Some I keep in touch with on FB, call when I can & try to see once a month if I can. My best friend I see every week.

Re: How do you do it? Keeping in touch.

You just explained my life.

Hopefully my friends know that I still love them. I send them FM or email to say "Hello, thinking of you!" and I mean it.

But I am just too flicky too to stay in touch on a daily/weekly basis.

Although that's not an excuse! I am on the computer A LOT so I do have the time.

I guess I just want to be relaxed when I talk to them or they are working and it's not a good time.

I need to stop making excuses too.