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Bxgell2
Perfection
Member since 5/05 16438 total posts
Name:
Beth
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He responded
"Unlike you and (DH), I don't get paid time off. And after taking a month's
vacation, I don't know that I can afford to lose the $. I'll have to see
when I get back what my Monday is going to look like, and I won't know that until I get back so we can talk about it then.
How is his stuff going to be moved? Are you hiring movers?
If Monday you are unpacking, why does it all have to be done in one day? I
have off mornings all week, so I can stop by every day that week to help get a lot unpacked. I'm not sure I understand why you two are taking the whole day off."
-----------------------------------------------
Well, idiot brother, because I have no paid time left, technically, I'm not getting paid either. It all has to be done in one day because I'm not moving Dad into a shell of an apartment. He's stressed enough as it is about the move, I want to make it as smooth a transition as possible instead of living in a bomb shelter for a few weeks while you take your sweet time to help him unpack.
Message edited 8/23/2007 4:53:45 PM.
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Posted 8/23/07 4:51 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
mommy2bella
Where does time go?
Member since 12/05 9747 total posts
Name:
Kelly
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Re: He responded
After taking the whole month off how about change your plans....
And now he decides to question things, how about involve yourself and HELP out more so you can actually make decisions and have input, if not shut the heck up and help.
Does he even realize that this is unplaid for you, and does it even matter?????
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| Posted 8/23/07 4:53 PM |
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Preguntas
it's pretty precious
Member since 1/07 3839 total posts
Name:
Lauren
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Re: He responded
It's something, right?
nevermind- you're right.
You should still take up the every morning offer- there has to be something he can do.
Message edited 8/23/2007 4:55:17 PM.
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| Posted 8/23/07 4:54 PM |
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Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: He responded
very 11th hr.
Where was he every morning helping when you had to work. He was MIA!
He can't manipulate this. It's on your terms.
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| Posted 8/23/07 5:01 PM |
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MsSissy
xoxoxo
Member since 3/07 39159 total posts
Name:
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Re: He responded
It's a start...keep pushing him.
Explain to him what you just explained to us. Of course without the "idiot brother" part..I'm sure that will only push him away faster
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| Posted 8/23/07 5:02 PM |
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QuoteTheRaven424
22 Months?!!!!
Member since 5/05 13659 total posts
Name:
And If That Isn't A True Blue Miracle
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Re: He responded
seems like he's trying to be a little flexible
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| Posted 8/23/07 5:04 PM |
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Shelly
She's 7!!!
Member since 8/05 14624 total posts
Name:
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Re: He responded
Well, its better than I thought you would get. At least he is offering something.
So this is what I would say:
Because of all the time I took off with dad during the time he had his surgery, I have no paid time off left anymore. I knew that I would lose my paid time off, but I couldn't stomach the thought that dad would be all alone during that time.
I have a great idea, why don't you cut your trip a little short. That way you would be able to help? We only need two days from you, so you can work those two extra days and get paid, and still help dad- the man who was there for you during X Y and Z.
I want to unpack him at once to make his transition as smooth as possible. I know Dad would hate living out of boxes. He is an older man who has spent his whole life working to provide for us. I think the least we can do is make sure that he has a comfortable home as soon as possible.
If you are unable to do arrange your work schedule to make yourself available for these two days for dad, what can I do? But I want you to know, whatever you don't do, DH and I have to do. I remember everything that you do (and don't do) for dad. Your inflexibilty lets down not only your dad, but your sister too.
Message edited 8/23/2007 5:09:54 PM.
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| Posted 8/23/07 5:08 PM |
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Shelly
She's 7!!!
Member since 8/05 14624 total posts
Name:
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Re: He responded
Posted by QuoteTheRaven424
seems like he's trying to be a little flexible
see, I don't see it that way. It sounds to me like he is saying: this is when I am available. Work around my schedule.
ETA: And that is assuming he will actually be reliable.
Message edited 8/23/2007 5:12:02 PM.
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| Posted 8/23/07 5:11 PM |
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QuoteTheRaven424
22 Months?!!!!
Member since 5/05 13659 total posts
Name:
And If That Isn't A True Blue Miracle
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Re: He responded
Posted by Shelly
Posted by QuoteTheRaven424
seems like he's trying to be a little flexible
see, I don't see it that way. It sounds to me like he is saying: this is when I am available. Work around my schedule.
ETA: And that is assuming he will actually be reliable.
good point as well
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| Posted 8/23/07 5:17 PM |
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Shelly
She's 7!!!
Member since 8/05 14624 total posts
Name:
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Re: He responded
Posted by QuoteTheRaven424
Posted by Shelly
Posted by QuoteTheRaven424
seems like he's trying to be a little flexible
see, I don't see it that way. It sounds to me like he is saying: this is when I am available. Work around my schedule.
ETA: And that is assuming he will actually be reliable.
good point as well
thank you 
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| Posted 8/23/07 5:18 PM |
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QuoteTheRaven424
22 Months?!!!!
Member since 5/05 13659 total posts
Name:
And If That Isn't A True Blue Miracle
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Re: He responded
you're right - he's masking flexibility
when in reality he's saying, this is my deal, like it or lump it
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| Posted 8/23/07 5:19 PM |
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Re: He responded
Posted by QuoteTheRaven424
you're right - he's masking flexibility
when in reality he's saying, this is my deal, like it or lump it
And this is why I love you. A man actually used the words "you're right"
 
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| Posted 8/23/07 5:23 PM |
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Phyl
R.I.P. Sweet Mia ♥
Member since 5/06 28918 total posts
Name:
The Mystical Azzhorse! ™
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Re: He responded
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| Posted 8/23/07 5:25 PM |
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Shelly
She's 7!!!
Member since 8/05 14624 total posts
Name:
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Re: He responded
Posted by QuoteTheRaven424
you're right - he's masking flexibility
when in reality he's saying, this is my deal, like it or lump it
Now if only I could get DH to say it a little more often 
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| Posted 8/23/07 5:25 PM |
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QuoteTheRaven424
22 Months?!!!!
Member since 5/05 13659 total posts
Name:
And If That Isn't A True Blue Miracle
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Re: He responded
i can admit when i misread something
don't get used to it 
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| Posted 8/23/07 5:26 PM |
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saraH
happy birthday sweet kate!
Member since 5/05 16555 total posts
Name:
I know that God exsists, I held her in my arms...
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Re: He responded
I would not even ask him for anything at this point. you are only hurting yourself and he is clearly not interested in helping anyway.
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| Posted 8/23/07 5:29 PM |
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Karen
Just chillin'!!
Member since 1/06 9690 total posts
Name:
Karen
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Re: He responded
I would definitely push back!! Explain that while you and are DH are losing $$, all he has to do is reschedule some lessons NOW to avoid losing $$. Why is that so f'in hard for him to figure out? He can reschedule to go away for a month, but he can't reschedule to help your dad out?
The fact that he had the balls to throw in "month's vacation" tells me he really doesn't give a crap, because he comes off like selfish teenager who doesn't care about anyone but himself!
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| Posted 8/23/07 5:35 PM |
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Bxgell2
Perfection
Member since 5/05 16438 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: He responded
Posted by Shelly
Well, its better than I thought you would get. At least he is offering something.
So this is what I would say:
Because of all the time I took off with dad during the time he had his surgery, I have no paid time off left anymore. I knew that I would lose my paid time off, but I couldn't stomach the thought that dad would be all alone during that time.
I have a great idea, why don't you cut your trip a little short. That way you would be able to help? We only need two days from you, so you can work those two extra days and get paid, and still help dad- the man who was there for you during X Y and Z.
I want to unpack him at once to make his transition as smooth as possible. I know Dad would hate living out of boxes. He is an older man who has spent his whole life working to provide for us. I think the least we can do is make sure that he has a comfortable home as soon as possible.
If you are unable to do arrange your work schedule to make yourself available for these two days for dad, what can I do? But I want you to know, whatever you don't do, DH and I have to do. I remember everything that you do (and don't do) for dad. Your inflexibilty lets down not only your dad, but your sister too.
And yet another LIF letter I will be quoting from
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| Posted 8/23/07 6:04 PM |
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Bxgell2
Perfection
Member since 5/05 16438 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: He responded
Posted by QuoteTheRaven424
you're right - he's masking flexibility
when in reality he's saying, this is my deal, like it or lump it
EXACTLY. And this is how he ALWAYS responds. It's always "But...", "If...", "Why..."
Instead of... "you know what, you do SO much as it is, just tell me what you need, I'll be there, no questions asked."
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| Posted 8/23/07 6:05 PM |
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Bxgell2
Perfection
Member since 5/05 16438 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: He responded
Posted by QuoteTheRaven424
i can admit when i misread something
don't get used to it
Could you teach my brother a few things? 
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| Posted 8/23/07 6:05 PM |
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GioiaMia
Let's Go Rangers!
Member since 1/07 14818 total posts
Name:
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Re: He responded
a true martyr 
i almost DON'T want him to help you - to spare you from years and years of complaining and/or bringing up "remember that time when i helped dad move 15 years ago . .. "
 for you!
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| Posted 8/23/07 6:13 PM |
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Shelly
She's 7!!!
Member since 8/05 14624 total posts
Name:
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Re: He responded
Posted by Bxgell2
And yet another LIF letter I will be quoting from
Anything I can do to help
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| Posted 8/23/07 6:51 PM |
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Tah-wee-ZAH
Kisses
Member since 5/05 15952 total posts
Name:
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Re: He responded
Posted by Bxgell2
Posted by QuoteTheRaven424
you're right - he's masking flexibility
when in reality he's saying, this is my deal, like it or lump it
EXACTLY. And this is how he ALWAYS responds. It's always "But...", "If...", "Why..."
Instead of... "you know what, you do SO much as it is, just tell me what you need, I'll be there, no questions asked."
This was the exact conversation I had with my brother last SAturday at our formal family sitdown.
Beth, this sounds waaaaaaay too familiar.
They both absolutely DEFY logic
Trying to reason with them or anticipate their next move is impossible. They don't have a reasonable, logial adult thought between them
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| Posted 8/23/07 7:15 PM |
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Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: He responded
the fact is he is a lame duck son and brother. Tell him that. This situation is not benefitting you it's for your dad.
I want to kick him in the shins.
Since you are the one running the show you get to decide the timing. If he was running the show then you would be the flexible one.
A month's vacation...obviously money isn't the issue. There is another issue here. Get to the bottom of it and you will have your answer.
It's his job to help..you are not asking, you are demanding. If he won't, then he needs to know that he can never...I mean NEVER ask you for a single thing. Let him know that. There may come a time he will need help and you will slam the door in his face as he is doing to you.
How awful for you and your dad.
Tough love works..I'm living proof.
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| Posted 8/23/07 8:40 PM |
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sunflowerjesss
Mommy to 3!
Member since 10/05 20369 total posts
Name:
Jesss, duh.
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Re: He responded
I love this part:
How is his stuff going to be moved? Are you hiring movers?
Sure - if you're paying 
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| Posted 8/23/07 8:47 PM |
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