having one child or spacing two 5 years apart?

DS is 11 months old, and with every day he gets older, life seems to get a little bit easier. I can't imagine going back to that difficult newborn stage ever again- and if I do, I want to wait until DS is in kindergarten. I always thought I would want my kids very close in age- but I am loving that I am starting to get part of me back again. Will not giving DS a sibling, or giving him one 5 or 6 years younger than him, deprive him of anything? I love my brother and my sister, but I have two friends who are only children and they love it! One of my best friends is engaged and she and her fiance are only going to have one because she loved it so much, she wants that for her child. Any thoughts? Anyone on here one and done? Or have two kids very far apart? TIA!

Re: having one child or spacing two 5 years apart?

My situation is a little different, but I thought I could still share since I have a big spacing with my kids. My first 2 are 2 years apart. My 3rd is nearly 6 and 8 years younger. At first, I was afraid that with such a large age gap, baby #3 wouldn't be as close as my other 2 are. But so far, the older kids absolutely adore their baby brother, help to care for him and talk about him all the time. I don't think they see any age difference at this point.

I absolutely adore the age gap! The older kids are in school all day and I am now home with the baby. Things are going so well and so smooth. The older ones are self sufficient and can really help out when asked.

Having them spaced apart is great!

Re: having one child or spacing two 5 years apart?

I know my SIL plans to space her kids out at least 5 years. She's waiting a while to have a second because she's now in PA school and her DH is in med school. DH is the oldest in his family and SIL is the 3rd out of 4 kids. They're 8 years apart. While they weren't too close growing up, they're very close now.

I think there are good things and bad things about any amount of spacing between kids. You need to do whatever works best for you and your family. I wouldn't worry too much about the spacing.

Re: having one child or spacing two 5 years apart?

There are pros and cons for both ways for sure. It depends on your personal experience. My husband was an only child and so spoiled he can sometimes be difficult to live with but not everyone who is an only is like that of course! I loved having a brother 14 months apart- we grew up together, had the same friends, and were /are very close. I want the same for my baby. But I also want a baby later too because I feel I will enjoy the newborn part if further apart.. eh I dunno!!!

Good Luck and congrats!

Re: having one child or spacing two 5 years apart?

pp is right there are pros and cons to each way. My sister is 6 years younger than me, but has a developmental disablity so our story is differnt than most kids. At 24 and 30 we would prob be more like friends now, but its different for us. I know kids close in age and far apart that are either close or not depsite age gaps... it all dpends on where life takes us. Do what works for you and your family

Re: having one child or spacing two 5 years apart?

My kids are 5 years apart. We did it purely for financial reasons.
I have a girl and boy though and they seem to fight all the time while others who have the same sex say they do not. I guess it all depends on the child.

Re: having one child or spacing two 5 years apart?

I would think there are some wonderful advantages to spacing them 5 years. The older is in school, can help more with the baby, truly understands the concept of becoming a big sibling etc.
For me personally, we chose a two year gap for a few reasons. I'm 35 and MAY want a third. Plus I didn't want to have a taste of too much freedom to then go back to sleepless nights and diapers etc. KWIM?
But like others have said...there are pros and cons to everything! Heck DC#2 isn't due for another 6 weeks so I could be completely crazy for doing this. Lol.

Re: having one child or spacing two 5 years apart?

I dont want DS to be an only child, but I think our second one would be 4-5yrs apart. Ds is 2.5 now and Im thinking that by the time he is in pre-K I would have another. I cant afford daycare for 2 kids right now so Im holding off until 1 is in school.

and like you I cant imagine going back to the newborn stage right now. I'd like to put some distance.

my bro and I are 4.5 yrs apart and we were always close.

Re: having one child or spacing two 5 years apart?

Thanks ladies! A part of me feels bad for wanting to wait another 3-4 years to TTC. But at 11 months DS FINALLY started sleeping through the night , we are able to go do things with friends more and get a baby sitter, we are going on two trips this summer, I am actually just starting to really enjoy DS- I've always loved him but he was such a difficult newborn that I was always to stressed to enjoy him, you know? One of my good friends has a 2 month old, and when I talk to her about what she is going through right now- no thanks! I feel so mean thinking that way- but I don't think emotionally I can do another one right now.

Re: having one child or spacing two 5 years apart?

my 1st son will be 4 in june. My 2nd son is 11 weeks old so there is a 3 1/2 year age gap.

My 1st son was so difficult and hard as a baby that we needed those 3 years to forget how hard he was.

I love the age gap between them. My 1st son is so good with his little brother. He helps all the time!!!! Plus i love that my 1st is self sufficient mostly and does his own thing. That is a big help to me.

It's hard having 2 close in age, especially if you pay for child care. Luckily we will only have to do it for a year before jacen starts kindergarten because it is expensive!

Re: having one child or spacing two 5 years apart?

My brother and i are 6 years apart, him being 6 years younger and it was great. We both had our own time with our parents as babies and little kids since i was alreayd in school when he was little and we hardly ever fought because we always had different things going on.

And now that we are older we are the best of friends, we do ALOT together

Re: having one child or spacing two 5 years apart?

I just wanted to add that my brother and I are 4.5 years apart and very close. I have a 6 month old son and lately have been thinkIng of doing a 4-5 yr gap...then a friend pointed out that at that point I would be starting over as far as diapers and all that so we're undecided as to wait or have #2 soonish

Re: having one child or spacing two 5 years apart?

DD will be 6 in June and I am still on the fence about another. In some ways I hate that there will be such a big age gap but it is what it is. I chose to wait for a few reasons and now that I am considering going for it, I think it will be healthy for both children that DD will be in school. I have to look at the positives. I have a brother that is 9 years younger than me. I remember taking care of him like he was my live doll and loved it, then for a while we weren't very close but now that he is maturing, we are becoming close again. So all in all, whatever you decide will work out.

Re: having one child or spacing two 5 years apart?

I think if we WERE to have a second- and that is a HUGEEEE if- I'd want them that far apart.
I cannot IMAGINE having a newborn now- DD is 21 months and incredibly difficult. She demands 150% of our time and effort and I feel there is nothing left at the end of the day.
I am like a shell of my former self.
If I had to add another child into the mix now, I think I'd end up with mental issues- and I say that in all seriousness.
The newborn stage was no plesure for us either- she was horrendous as a newborn.
I think maybe if she had been an easier baby I'd feel differently. Or maybe not.

But either way I won't have any regrets onh what we decide to do. If she ends up an only child, I am sure she will be just fine!

Re: having one child or spacing two 5 years apart?

DS will be 19 months this coming week. I thought we would start trying for number 2 once he turns 2. However, that is right around the corner and I am not ready for another child right now.

DS was a difficult baby from the first night we brought him home - he had trush, acid reflux and colic. So needless to say the first 6 months were EXTRA difficult and stressful.

I am just now starting to lose the rest of the baby weight, getting some "me" time, and getting use to how things are now. Plus, DS is still a bit of a handful - I think a lot has to do with how we catered to him because of all he went through the first 6 months.

He is a very happy, playful and loving child, but he has a short tolerance when things don't go his way. While we are now letting his tantrums run their course without acknowledging him, I couldn't imagine a nb thrown into that mix.

On the flip side DH & I are not getting any younger - I'll be 35 this year, DH 37. I don't want to wait THAT long to go for number 2.

Right now we have decided that once DS turns 3 or right before, we will start for number 2. We are DEFINATELY done at 2...although, my father is a twin, so my chances of having twins is high...

Re: having one child or spacing two 5 years apart?

DD is 5 now and will turn 6 a month after this new baby gets here.

I wanted them close in age. We started trying when she was 11 months old. It took us 4.5 years to get pregnant anyway.

DD could not be more excited. I would have loved to have had them closer, but having them further in age has it's benefits too.

I love that DD is so involved with what is going on in the pregnancy. She reads What to Expect to see how big the baby is getting. She knows how many weeks along I am. She goes to my appointments with me. She tells me all the things she's going to do with the baby (feeding, diapers, baths, playing). Most of all I love that she is excited and that she'll remember her anticipation. She's been asking for a sibling for like two years.

ETA: That being said, we will most likely be TTC very soon after this baby is born b/c I'm not getting any younger, it took so long this last time, and I'd like to get rid of diapers around the same time instead of starting over.

I have to say DD was a very easy baby, she's still pretty easy. However, potty training is my absolute least favorite thing about child-rearing. If I have to do it more than once again I want it to be fairly close together.

Message edited 4/8/2012 10:09:25 PM.