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Having kids 2 years apart or 3 years apart?

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dapnkap
Our 3 angels

Member since 7/07

4824 total posts

Name:
Karen

Having kids 2 years apart or 3 years apart?

DD just turned one and she's a great, happy and fairly easy baby (we're spoiled). DH wants to start TTC baby #2 after this summer and if all goes to plan, the kids would be 2 years apart.

I, on the other hand, was planning on TTC after next summer ('10) and the kids would be 3 years apart.

Is it any easier waiting and having the kids 3 years apart as opposed to 2 years apart? Pros/cons of each?

TIA! Chat Icon

Posted 5/5/09 10:59 AM
 
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eddiesmommy
best buds!

Member since 5/09

11524 total posts

Name:
Melissa

Re: Having kids 2 years apart or 3 years apart?

DH and I have been having the same debate back and forth and thus far we've pushed back our TTC #2 date twice. We are now set on Dec so DS would be 3 when #2 is born. The reason is bc DS, while a doll, is a handful as a toddler. I personally couldnt have a toddler in the terrible twos and a newborn, I think Id lose it. Chat Icon

However, the other factors both pros and cons we always tossed around were:

Being out of the baby phase and then having to start all over again vs. just getting the diapering and such over at once bc they are closer together in age. Plus DH and I are 30 so also the sooner the better, bc for us personally, I dont want to be 40 with a 5 year old (and I mean no offense to anyone that is). Also, DS I think, based on his personality now at 20 months, would be more likely to adjust to a sibling later rather than now. He has a new baby cousin and is VERY jealous of him.

There is just so much that goes into it, I think as opposed to setting a hard date, we are just playing it by ear and when the time feels right, we will go for it.

Good luck with whatever you choose to do!

Message edited 5/5/2009 12:04:00 PM.

Posted 5/5/09 11:07 AM
 

rojerono
Happiest.

Member since 8/06

13803 total posts

Name:
Jeannie

Re: Having kids 2 years apart or 3 years apart?

My boys are 2 years apart.. not be design.

It was rough when Noah was a newborn - having 2 in diapers was a challenge. Robbie was a relatively easy kid, but I have to say I always felt so overwhelmed!

BUT.. I love that they are only 2 years apart. They really are best friends now. They drive one another up a friggin' wall half the time - they ARE brothers. But they also spend a lot of time playing together and tend to be interested in a lot of the same things. My girlfriend's daughters are 3 years apart and even though they adore each other, you can tell that they only really 'hang out' from necessity. They don't play with each other nearly as much as my boys do and they have really different interests. The older child likes to mother her sister a lot and it drives the baby nutty.

It may also be because i have boys but it just seems that the extra year put a little something else there.

Posted 5/5/09 11:15 AM
 

EsquireFish
LIF Adult

Member since 3/09

1259 total posts

Name:
G

Re: Having kids 2 years apart or 3 years apart?

I don't have kids yet but I can speak from experience because of my mom -- she had my sister and I 7 years apart. It was a very smart thing to do, because I was old enough to assist and not be mad that someone else was getting attention, and we were never in competition with each other because we are always at different phases in our lives (when I was graduating college, she was only starting high school!) but we are still really close. I really advocate the bigger age gaps.

Posted 5/5/09 11:16 AM
 

Stefanie

Member since 5/05

23599 total posts

Name:
Stefanie

Re: Having kids 2 years apart or 3 years apart?

My kids are 3 years apart. I thought that was a perfect age difference for me. The moms that have two under two have my respect. I could never do that. I feel that my 3 year old isn't as clingy as he was when he was 2. He's also more independent, so it makes it easier on me when I have to take care of the baby.


Also, it was easier because my 1st son was potty trained and I didn't have two kids in diapers.

Message edited 5/5/2009 11:33:28 AM.

Posted 5/5/09 11:21 AM
 

octoberbride
Big sister to be!

Member since 11/05

2174 total posts

Name:

Re: Having kids 2 years apart or 3 years apart?

Posted by dapnkap

DD just turned one and she's a great, happy and fairly easy baby (we're spoiled). DH wants to start TTC baby #2 after this summer and if all goes to plan, the kids would be 2 years apart.

I, on the other hand, was planning on TTC after next summer ('10) and the kids would be 3 years apart.

Is it any easier waiting and having the kids 3 years apart as opposed to 2 years apart? Pros/cons of each?

TIA! Chat Icon



DH and I are having this same debate! I am interested to see all the responses.

Posted 5/5/09 11:27 AM
 

dapnkap
Our 3 angels

Member since 7/07

4824 total posts

Name:
Karen

Re: Having kids 2 years apart or 3 years apart?

Posted by EsquireFish

I don't have kids yet but I can speak from experience because of my mom -- she had my sister and I 7 years apart. It was a very smart thing to do, because I was old enough to assist and not be mad that someone else was getting attention, and we were never in competition with each other because we are always at different phases in our lives (when I was graduating college, she was only starting high school!) but we are still really close. I really advocate the bigger age gaps.



My brother and I are almost 7 years apart and we were never really close (until we were both adults). He was in first grade when I was born, so that was probably easier on my mom since she really only had to care for me during the day.

Posted 5/5/09 12:00 PM
 

dapnkap
Our 3 angels

Member since 7/07

4824 total posts

Name:
Karen

Re: Having kids 2 years apart or 3 years apart?

I'm 33 and DH is 32, so we don't want to wait too long. I always wanted our kids to be close in age, but I'm not sure if I'm really ready to start trying so soon. Even though DD is an easy baby, she's still a handful, we're still stressed at times and I don't know if I can even imagine having a 2nd one right now, but at the same time, I do want another one. This is really tough!

Posted 5/5/09 12:02 PM
 

eddiesmommy
best buds!

Member since 5/09

11524 total posts

Name:
Melissa

Re: Having kids 2 years apart or 3 years apart?

Posted by dapnkap

I'm 33 and DH is 32, so we don't want to wait too long. I always wanted our kids to be close in age, but I'm not sure if I'm really ready to start trying so soon. Even though DD is an easy baby, she's still a handful, we're still stressed at times and I don't know if I can even imagine having a 2nd one right now, but at the same time, I do want another one. This is really tough!




Exactly the same position as you! It is hard!

Posted 5/5/09 12:03 PM
 

Bridex100
Two Under Two Mommy

Member since 3/08

10420 total posts

Name:
Momx100

Re: Having kids 2 years apart or 3 years apart?

I could never do 2 under 2! Much respect to those that can though.

I'd want my first child to be in nursery school. I just can't imagine chasing a toddler and taking care of a NB.

Posted 5/5/09 12:09 PM
 

Nik211
my little monkey<3

Member since 5/08

3303 total posts

Name:
Nik

Re: Having kids 2 years apart or 3 years apart?

Posted by EsquireFish

I don't have kids yet but I can speak from experience because of my mom -- she had my sister and I 7 years apart. It was a very smart thing to do, because I was old enough to assist and not be mad that someone else was getting attention, and we were never in competition with each other because we are always at different phases in our lives (when I was graduating college, she was only starting high school!) but we are still really close. I really advocate the bigger age gaps.



i disagree. my sister and i are 6 years apart - its hard - we arent close....we have never had anything in common EVER....im a newlywed, ready to buy my first house and start a family - she on the other hand is graduating high school - two totally different worlds - and its always been that way....maybe when we are in our 30, 40, 50's we will have more in common and she'll "catch up" to me....

b/c of our age difference i would like to have my chldren as close in age as possible

Posted 5/5/09 2:23 PM
 

eddiesmommy
best buds!

Member since 5/09

11524 total posts

Name:
Melissa

Re: Having kids 2 years apart or 3 years apart?

Posted by Nik211

Posted by EsquireFish

I don't have kids yet but I can speak from experience because of my mom -- she had my sister and I 7 years apart. It was a very smart thing to do, because I was old enough to assist and not be mad that someone else was getting attention, and we were never in competition with each other because we are always at different phases in our lives (when I was graduating college, she was only starting high school!) but we are still really close. I really advocate the bigger age gaps.



i disagree. my sister and i are 6 years apart - its hard - we arent close....we have never had anything in common EVER....im a newlywed, ready to buy my first house and start a family - she on the other hand is graduating high school - two totally different worlds - and its always been that way....maybe when we are in our 30, 40, 50's we will have more in common and she'll "catch up" to me....

b/c of our age difference i would like to have my chldren as close in age as possible



I guess it all depends on the siblings, my brother and I are 8 years apart and ever since he was a baby, we have always been VERY close and still are, even though Im 30, married with a house and kids and he is a senior in college.

Posted 5/5/09 2:36 PM
 

computergirl
LIF Adult

Member since 5/05

3118 total posts

Name:

Re: Having kids 2 years apart or 3 years apart?

Posted by Stefanie

My kids are 3 years apart. I thought that was a perfect age difference for me. The moms that have two under two have my respect. I could never do that. I feel that my 3 year old isn't as clingy as he was when he was 2. He's also more independent, so it makes it easier on me when I have to take care of the baby.


Also, it was easier because my 1st son was potty trained and I didn't have two kids in diapers.



ITA with everything written here. Especially the part about wondering how the 2-under-2 moms do it! :) My kids are 3 yrs apart and I love the age difference. The other thing I wanted to add is, you can really reason with a 3 year old a lot more than you can with a 2 year old. I find that at 3, my DS will understand and accept a logical reason why we have to do something, or why we can't do something... where it would have gone over his head a bit more at just 2 yrs old. That makes life a lot easier too.

I didn't care about the age diff in terms of how close they'd be with one another, because I felt that age diff doesn't guarantee a good relationship as life goes on. My DH and his sis are 18 months apart and haven't spoken to each other in years. Meanwhile my BF and her bro are 5 years apart and are incredibly close-- you can't predict how these relationships will pan out.

Posted 5/5/09 2:42 PM
 

KartveliT
...

Member since 1/08

8363 total posts

Name:

Re: Having kids 2 years apart or 3 years apart?

def 3 years for me if not more(or if ever)

Posted 5/5/09 2:49 PM
 

Smileyd17
kids

Member since 5/05

20997 total posts

Name:
Mommy

Re: Having kids 2 years apart or 3 years apart?

Posted by tatuka

def 3 years for me if not more(or if ever)



Thats my plan too!

Posted 5/5/09 2:51 PM
 

itsbabytime
LIF Adult

Member since 11/05

9644 total posts

Name:
Me

Re: Having kids 2 years apart or 3 years apart?

Before I had DS - my plan was to start trying again slightly after he turned one. However, when the time came I just wasn't ready (and either was DH). Looking back now (DS is 20 months) I am so glad I waited. I LOVE this age with DS and I have absolutely loved the past few months. He is this amazing little person that talks and walks around and we can *really* spend time together now. I just don't think (knowing myself) I would have enjoyed this time with him as much with a newborn. Plus, at this age he is SO jealous and I don't think he is really old enough to completely understand the attention suddenly being shifted off of him. So my plan became to have DC number to closer to when he is 2.5/3. HTH!

Everyone is SO different and everyones babies are so different so what works for one might not be the best plan for the other Chat Icon

Posted 5/5/09 3:31 PM
 

eddiesmommy
best buds!

Member since 5/09

11524 total posts

Name:
Melissa

Re: Having kids 2 years apart or 3 years apart?

Posted by itsbabytime

Before I had DS - my plan was to start trying again slightly after he turned one. However, when the time came I just wasn't ready (and either was DH). Looking back now (DS is 20 months) I am so glad I waited. I LOVE this age with DS and I have absolutely loved the past few months. He is this amazing little person that talks and walks around and we can *really* spend time together now. I just don't think (knowing myself) I would have enjoyed this time with him as much with a newborn. Plus, at this age he is SO jealous and I don't think he is really old enough to completely understand the attention suddenly being shifted off of him. So my plan became to have DC number to closer to when he is 2.5/3. HTH!

Everyone is SO different and everyones babies are so different so what works for one might not be the best plan for the other Chat Icon



DS is 20 months now too and this is exactly what we found too as time went on.

Posted 5/5/09 3:32 PM
 

08BabySurprise
My Life. My Everything.

Member since 10/07

9151 total posts

Name:

Re: Having kids 2 years apart or 3 years apart?

Posted by eddiesmommy

Posted by Nik211

Posted by EsquireFish

I don't have kids yet but I can speak from experience because of my mom -- she had my sister and I 7 years apart. It was a very smart thing to do, because I was old enough to assist and not be mad that someone else was getting attention, and we were never in competition with each other because we are always at different phases in our lives (when I was graduating college, she was only starting high school!) but we are still really close. I really advocate the bigger age gaps.



i disagree. my sister and i are 6 years apart - its hard - we arent close....we have never had anything in common EVER....im a newlywed, ready to buy my first house and start a family - she on the other hand is graduating high school - two totally different worlds - and its always been that way....maybe when we are in our 30, 40, 50's we will have more in common and she'll "catch up" to me....

b/c of our age difference i would like to have my chldren as close in age as possible



I guess it all depends on the siblings, my brother and I are 8 years apart and ever since he was a baby, we have always been VERY close and still are, even though Im 30, married with a house and kids and he is a senior in college.



My brother and I are 8 years apart as well and I love it. We have been close since day 1 and even more now that he is 27 and I am 35. Being I am 35, however, ideally I want to have DC 3 years apart if I am blessed enough to have another. I would have like to wait longer but given my age I can't.

Posted 5/5/09 3:40 PM
 

monkeybride
My Everything

Member since 5/05

20541 total posts

Name:

Re: Having kids 2 years apart or 3 years apart?

Mine are 3 years apart and it worked for me because DD is in preschool so I am not home with 2 kids 24/7.

Posted 5/5/09 3:51 PM
 

Dani922
Here's to new beginnings

Member since 10/07

7260 total posts

Name:
Danielle

Re: Having kids 2 years apart or 3 years apart?

My kids are 3 years apart. DD is more independent which makes things easier- she's potty trained, she can climb in & out of the car by herself, she can entertain herself for a little while, etc. I feel like I got to enjoy their babyhoods seperately & I like that. I have 3 younger siblings & we're all 2.5-3 years apart as well & it was always nice growing up. I don't think I could be a 2 under 2 mom! I give them a lot of credit!

Posted 5/5/09 4:13 PM
 

wannabemom
look who's freshly baked!

Member since 12/07

7364 total posts

Name:
aka marriedinportjeff

Re: Having kids 2 years apart or 3 years apart?

I look at it this way... why bother debating, becuase you can't plan it perfectly anyway!

While DH and I got lucky and conceived right away, most couples require months to TTC. Frankly, I'd be stunned if we were equally lucky next time around...

If you want to have kids 2-3 years apart... I'd start at the 2 year window and then most likely, you'll have a kid who is 2-3 youngers than DC Chat Icon

Message edited 5/5/2009 4:20:43 PM.

Posted 5/5/09 4:20 PM
 

JenBenMen
party of five

Member since 9/06

11343 total posts

Name:
Jen

Re: Having kids 2 years apart or 3 years apart?

2 years apart was great for us...DS was getting more independant but we werent so far away from diapers/formula to never want to go back

Posted 5/5/09 4:24 PM
 

Nik211
my little monkey<3

Member since 5/08

3303 total posts

Name:
Nik

Re: Having kids 2 years apart or 3 years apart?

Posted by 08BabySurprise

Posted by eddiesmommy

Posted by Nik211

Posted by EsquireFish

I don't have kids yet but I can speak from experience because of my mom -- she had my sister and I 7 years apart. It was a very smart thing to do, because I was old enough to assist and not be mad that someone else was getting attention, and we were never in competition with each other because we are always at different phases in our lives (when I was graduating college, she was only starting high school!) but we are still really close. I really advocate the bigger age gaps.



i disagree. my sister and i are 6 years apart - its hard - we arent close....we have never had anything in common EVER....im a newlywed, ready to buy my first house and start a family - she on the other hand is graduating high school - two totally different worlds - and its always been that way....maybe when we are in our 30, 40, 50's we will have more in common and she'll "catch up" to me....

b/c of our age difference i would like to have my chldren as close in age as possible



I guess it all depends on the siblings, my brother and I are 8 years apart and ever since he was a baby, we have always been VERY close and still are, even though Im 30, married with a house and kids and he is a senior in college.



My brother and I are 8 years apart as well and I love it. We have been close since day 1 and even more now that he is 27 and I am 35. Being I am 35, however, ideally I want to have DC 3 years apart if I am blessed enough to have another. I would have like to wait longer but given my age I can't.



i think that may have a lot to do with the boy-girl sibling relationship....

i think with 2 girls its easier when they are close in age - they can share a room, share clothes, similair friends, share toys and they can hang out together.....ummm when i was 18 my sister was 12, i couldnt really hang out with her Chat Icon when i was 21 my sister was 15 - i couldn't bring her out to a bar or a club Chat Icon, even at my wedding she couldn't drink! Chat Icon

its not that we arent close in a sister way, its just we dont have that "friend" relationship that a lot of my friends had with their siblings who were close in age with them.....

when i had a fight with my boyfriend when i was 16 i couldnt cry on my 10 year old sisters shoulder KWIM? i didnt tell her about my first kiss b/c she was 6 Chat Icon - just things like that, it would have been nicer if we could have shared those experiences....

that is something i think about for my own kids - but like someone else said that doesnt guarantee closeness

Posted 5/5/09 4:40 PM
 

Tine73

Member since 3/06

22093 total posts

Name:
*********

Re: Having kids 2 years apart or 3 years apart?

Originally I wanted to have 2 under 2 and I am sooo glad that did not happen. I think DH would have had to check me into a looney bin!

Hopefully our kids will be 2.5 - 3 years apart. Sure, the early years will be fun and they will be pals, but I honestly feel that having 2 kids close together will not guarantee they will be close, especially when they get older.

Posted 5/5/09 4:54 PM
 

robin
LIF Toddler

Member since 9/07

495 total posts

Name:
robin

Re: Having kids 2 years apart or 3 years apart?

i say have them close apart,i have a 15,16,18,20 yr olds daughters,,now i have a 18 month old son...but the girls were 2 yrs apart..born 1988,1990,1992,1994...it was hard then,but later you will be happy they were close in yrs

Posted 5/5/09 4:57 PM
 
 

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