having a breakdown today, could really use some advice/prayers...

my 14 yr old d. stepdaughter came back yesterday after staying at my MIL's for a week. during her stay, MIL was going crazy with trying to get her to eat, and didnt have much luck at all. we have been struggling with her for awhile now with no success, she has very lil appetite, or non at all, and now it has gotten to the point where she can basically go all day on 2-3 bites of food here and there, no one real meal, or even half of one. she also has mild autism/pdd and is on meds that is supposed to make u gain, but she is now losing. previous visits to the ped and nutritionist have not helped, they have told us to be aggressive to get her to eat more,ad to supplement with shakes, anything fattening, etc. she will pick at her food, and try to find something wrong with it, or lie and say she ate it only to find it in the garbage later. she she got back yesterday, she looked even more thin, now down to 77lbs. she is underweight for her ht/age to begin with and is only in the 5th percentile. we are thinking her symptoms look like anorexia. we immed took her to her ped who referred her to the schneiders eating disorder clinic for adolescents, and they got us in for tomorrow am for an ititial eval. to determine what treatment will be best, inpatient, day program or outpatient depending on how her testing goes. dh and i are worried sick and have tried to get her to eat since yesterday, and she barely is eating. we made her drink a boost shake and it took an hour and a fighting thruout for her to drink. any other food she keeps saying she isnt hungry, and wont really eat just move the food around and have a bite or 2 at the most. we tried giving her usual faves which are few and far between to begin with, and even those, she would try to find a way out of eating them. we are scared for her, and happy that we got the appt tomorrow. baby dd's 1 yr b-day is next week, i moved up her b-day party to 8/1 in case she gets hospitalized, which i hope will not happen. i am hoping that she will be ok for the day program or outpatient, but i am really not so sure. its been crazy here with dd just getting over coxsackie, then a upper respiratory. i just was making our final arrangements for dd's birthday session with summer next week, as was excited to have dd's b-day next week and all the fun with that. now i am very sad and upset that this is happening to my poor stepdaughter, and that it is finally gotten so bad with her, i just feel so helpless, and cant sleep. dh called his ex to let her know, she really isnt actively involved in my stepdaughter's care, and only sees her occasionally, its back to once every 2 months for a few hours, which is so hard on her too. i am not her real mom, and try to do all i can to be there for her, but i know its not the same, her mom just cant be there for her, thats how she wants it. its supposed to be a happy time for us., i just hope they can get help her get better. if u are still reading this, i truly thank you for taking the time. if anyone can offer any advice, or if u have been thru something similiar with your child, please post or fm me.

Re: having a breakdown today, could really use some advice/prayers...

SIL is 18 now, but she had some serious food issues about a year and a half ago and she was in an outpatient program. It did wonders, she is now healthy

Re: having a breakdown today, could really use some advice/prayers...

I have no advice, but I wanted to give you some

Re: having a breakdown today, could really use some advice/prayers...

i'm sorry i don't have any advice but i just wanted to send you some....

Re: having a breakdown today, could really use some advice/prayers...

I'm so sorry and it sounds like this is so tough for her and for your family. things get better and they find a way to help her. I wonder if the eating disorders clinic would also consult with a behavioral psych, due to the PDD. Unfortunately, that probably complicates this so much more. I'm an SLP and have done feeding therapy, some of which has been behavioral (but with very young children). I would think, if they haven't already, they would need to rule out anorexia as well as sensory issues, side effects from meds (even the one to increase appetite) if she is on multiple, and even an OCD, or something else. The head of pediatric neurology at Schneider, Dr. Maytal, is excellent according to the parents of some of my clients/students.

Re: having a breakdown today, could really use some advice/prayers...

You should be proud of yourself with being proactive in getting the care that your SD needs. Just continue to be there to support her - it's so hard to see the light when you're "in it" and not eating. She will get through this.

You sound like such an awesome step-mom! She is very lucky to have you there for her.

Message edited 7/15/2009 7:58:56 PM.

Re: having a breakdown today, could really use some advice/prayers...

thanks to those taking time to read and answer wiith some positive info and advice, it's very much appreciated. she is really giving us a had time tonite about going tomorrow a.m. my dh just told her she is going no matter what. she is refusing to go to bed and keeps coming downstairs to complain over it, all this craziness is making our baby dd not want to go to sleep. poor baby missed her nap earlier from all the commotion here. wish us luck tomorrow!

Re: having a breakdown today, could really use some advice/prayers...

I can't imagine your plight. I can feel how much you truly care in your post. You have 4 years to make a difference before she's an "adult". I think it's great that you're being so proactive about this.

I hope this program is what she needs to resolve her issues.

Re: having a breakdown today, could really use some advice/prayers...

Re: having a breakdown today, could really use some advice/prayers...

so many parents might let this blow over, thinking it might heal itself....you guys are doing an amazing job NOW of "catching" it are caring enough to do something about it before it gets more serious...

i really hope SD is receptive. ED's are incredibly serious, and are so psychological, it really takes intervention to get these girls better...

i pray it is just a "phase" so to say, maybe something that is "cool"....i know how EDs are glamorized in todays society and among young people. it's "cool" to have an eating disorder, to be in school with other girls and be the skinniest one. our society is horrible- a size 0 is the new 4.... and a size 6? forget it chubbs.... its horrifying, the word "fat" is horrifying.... i did a huge paper in college about ED's, after battling some issue with myself my senior year of high school and freshman year of college (i went overboard to avoid that freshman 15!).... she is in my thoughts and prayers, and bc iknow it is really a psychological disorder, it might take YEARS of work. only since i have had kids, i dont think about food every 2 seconds, i dont think about what i put in my mouth and what it might do to my belly- and ill be 30... she is going to battle for a looooooooong time- i battled for about 10 years, obsessing over food- ask me how many calories ANYTHING has, i could tell you. it is a crazy disease, and i am so glad you are helping and intervening NOW....

as much as possible, dont tell her that she isnt fat... i remember that really p*ssing me off, bc i "knew" i was fat, and thought everyone around me was stupid and just lying to me....

let us/me know how it goes, keep strong for her and for yourself...

and next week? NO WORRIES, family comes first, if something comes up, i understand and we can postpone...

Re: having a breakdown today, could really use some advice/prayers...

First of all Eating disorders are so serious and are more common than a lot of people think. Im a HS counselor and I see a lot of it. I think it's great that you and hubby are being so proactive. Your stepdaughter is lucky to have you. Best of luck!