HAHAHAH!!!!

A man and a woman are sitting beside each other in the first class section of the plane.

The woman sneezes, takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose, and shakes quite violently in her seat.

The man isn't sure why she is shaking and goes back to reading.

A few minutes pass. The woman sneezes again. She takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose and shakes quite violently in her seat.

The man is becoming more and more curious about the shaking.

A few more minutes pass. The woman sneezes yet again. She takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose and shakes violently again.

The man has finally had all he can handle. He turns to the woman and says, "Three times you've sneezed and three times you've taken a tissue and wiped your nose then you shake violently!

Are you sending me signals, or are you going crazy?"

The woman replies, "I'm sorry if I disturbed you. I have a rare condition and when I sneeze, I have an or-gasm."

The man, now feeling a little embarrassed but even more curious says, "I've never heard of that before. What are you taking for it?"

The woman looks at him and says, "Pepper."

Message edited 8/27/2005 7:44:49 PM.

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There was a married couple. Eyery day the husband went golfing from 10 to 4.

Once, the wife asked the husband "Could you please repair the dripping faucet in the bathroom when you come home?"

The husband replied "What, so now you think I'm a plumber?"

"Oh and the bulb in the kitchen is also broken", the wife replied.

The husband said, "So now you think I'm an electrician too?"

When the husband came back home from golfing, the bulb was changed and even the faucet in the bathroom was repaired.

Wondering what had happened, the husband asked his wife "How did all these things get fixed.?"

She answered, "Today there was a man I met on the street who said he repaired anything for a roll in the hay or some homemade cookies."

The husband said, "I do really hope you gave him some cookies!!"

She replied, "What, so now you think I'm a baker?"

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A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.

Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.

Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM, Wake up."

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Three couples went in to see the minister to see how to become members of his church.
The first couple was retired, the second couple was middle-aged and the final couple was newlywed.
The minister said that they would have to go without sex for two weeks and then come back and tell him how it went.

Two weeks went by, and the couples returned to the minister. The retired couple said it was no problem at all. The middle-aged couple said it was tough for the first week, but after that, it was no problem. The newlyweds said it was fine until she dropped the can of paint.

"Can of PAINT!" exclaimed the minister.

"Yeah," said the newlywed man. "She dropped the can and when she bent over to pick it up I had to have her right there and then. Lust took over."

The minister just shook his head and said that they were not welcome in the church.

"That's okay," said the man. "We're not welcome in Home Depot either."

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this is a long one, but a GOOD one!!!!



Applying for a Job at the CIA

A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions are hard to fill, and there's a lot of testing and background checks involved before you can even be considered for the position. After sending some applicants through the background checks, training and testing, they narrowed the possible choices down to two men and a woman, but only one position was available.

The day came for the final test to see which peson would get the extremely secretive job. The CIA men administering the test took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow our instructions whatever the circumstances," they explained. "Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her." The man looked horrified and said, "You can't be serious! I could never shoot my wife!" "Well," said the CIA man, "you're definitely not the right man for this job then."

So they brought the second man to the same door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances," they explained to the second man. "Inside you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her." The second man looked a bit shocked, but nevertheless took the gun and went in the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes; then the door opened. The man came out of the room with tears in his eyes. "I tried to shoot her; I just couldn't pull the trigger and shoot my wife. I guess I'm not the right man for the job."

"No," the CIA man replied, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."

Now they only had the woman left to test. They led her to the same door to the same room and handed her the same gun. "We must be sure that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances; this is your final test. Inside you will find your husband sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill him." The woman took the gun and opened the door. Before the door even closed all the way, the CIA men heard the gun start firing, one shot after another for 13 shots. Then all hell broke loose in the room. They heard screaming, rashing, and banging on the walls. This went on for several minutes; then all went quiet.

The door opened slowly, and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, "You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with blanks. I had to beat the son of a b!tch to death with the chair!"

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These are hysterical!!! Thanks for the laughs !

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